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Birthday ideas for sister in law seriously ill

(59 Posts)
Blacktabby2 Thu 31-Aug-23 18:03:56

Hi everyone. My sister in law was told today she has lung cancer that has spread . It looks like there are no treatments that will help. She will be 73 in 2 weeks time. She lives alone. She can't do much now, like walking or driving. Her time sadly is limited. Her appetite is extremely poor too. No interest in food at all. I am extremely stuck on what to buy for her birthday in 2 weeks. She's doesn't drink now, or eat much, everything seems to have stopped in her life. Please give me some ideas. I apologise if l don't answer straight away. Thankyou so much. X

LauraNorderr Thu 31-Aug-23 18:13:49

I’m so sorry to hear of your sad news.
Do you think she would appreciate a nice soft throw/blanket to act like a cuddle on a cold evening.

Fairislecable Thu 31-Aug-23 18:22:56

When my sister in law had a similar prognosis I bought her a White Company aroma diffuser with a selection of essential oils.

I also bought her really lovely chocolates from Lauden but I have a suspicion she no longer had the appetite for them.

It is a very difficult time for all involved.

pascal30 Thu 31-Aug-23 18:31:04

Would she take comfort from a foot orhand massage if you could arrange for a therapist to visit?

kittylester Thu 31-Aug-23 18:36:02

Could you download Audible and some books for her.

Hetty58 Thu 31-Aug-23 18:50:42

Try to stay close to what you'd normally do for her birthday. It's tough being seriously ill - and weird (frightening, even) when people treat you differently or go on about your illness.

It really doesn't matter is she eats little of the dinner/cake/chocolates, she'll appreciate your company and chat about everyday life. Why not watch a good film together?

Patsy70 Thu 31-Aug-23 19:03:30

Very sad news Blacktabby2. As others have already suggested. I would choose a natural room diffuser, possibly rose & geranium. A soft comforting throw in her favourite colours. Does she like to read? Books/audio or a Kindle book of her choice maybe. Although she hasn’t much appetite, she might still enjoy a little of her favourite food - biscuits, chocolates, something indulgent. Would you be able to take her out somewhere special, but obviously where she would feel comfortable. Thinking of you. 💐

M0nica Thu 31-Aug-23 19:16:58

Blacktabby2 How sad and difficukt for both of you. Perhaps a bunch of her favourite flowers, from your garden or that of a friend.

BlueBelle Thu 31-Aug-23 19:26:40

Very sad and no further advice there’s been some good ideas but I do hope she can enjoy her special day and you too 😥

fancythat Thu 31-Aug-23 19:29:20

Something nice to look at? Whatever she would appreciate the most? Painting, photos, magazines, picture?

sukie Thu 31-Aug-23 19:47:45

I'm sorry about what your sil is going through. It must be so difficult for her, especially living alone. She is lucky to have a caring sil. This is just a thought but if she does like audio books or music, you might look into a nice pair of noise cancelling headphones. Nice ones are pricey but are soft and comfy over the ears and head (think Bose). They could come in handy in hospital environments too, blocking the constant noise. Depending on her tech capabilities she may need help initially getting them set up.
Best to you and your sil.

Kim19 Thu 31-Aug-23 19:54:24

Flowers can be very uplifting. Her favourite perfume?

crazyH Thu 31-Aug-23 19:57:54

So sad - nothing I can add or suggest. I hope you, she and all who love her, find some strength flowers

Chardy Thu 31-Aug-23 20:05:27

I love Audible, it's wonderful when you can't face doing anything or can't sleep. So I'm with kittylester

Callistemon21 Thu 31-Aug-23 20:10:13

Sad news, Blacktabby

A throw or soft lap blanket as LauraNorderr suggests as she might feel the cold even if other people feel warm.

Some lovely handcream, body lotion as her skin might become dry.

A very gentle aromatherapy hand and foot massage if you could arrange for someone to call?

62Granny Thu 31-Aug-23 20:11:52

If you have somewhere near perhaps a reflexology session or as someone else suggested a hand massage, I used to work with cancer patients and they used to enjoy the relaxation therapies we offered, Reiki is another one that was very popular, alternatively a relaxation CD. and a weighted throw , some nice soft fluffy socks or some nice pyjamas .

Callistemon21 Thu 31-Aug-23 20:15:32

Don't go for anything other than a very gentle massage as more vigorous massages are not good for cancer patients.

Gentle aromatherapy massages are enjoyable.

Callistemon21 Thu 31-Aug-23 20:17:05

Reflexology is lovely too.

pandapatch Thu 31-Aug-23 20:23:54

A manicure? Also think a soft throw and the audible things are good ideas.

Chloejo Thu 31-Aug-23 20:28:44

A lovely soft throw Amazon have lots. Nice body sprays and nice chocs

travelsafar Thu 31-Aug-23 20:31:45

I think the foot massage is a wonderful idea along with some good body lotion. I would love both these things, then a soft wrap to snuggle into and some pure wool socks to keep my feet warm would be the icing on the cake. You are a great SIL to be so caring.🩷

Primrose53 Thu 31-Aug-23 21:12:35

I took my late SIL some handknitted socks, some flowers and lovely handcream and some books I knew she would like. She already had loads of throws but they are a great idea.

Nansnet Fri 01-Sep-23 04:00:11

A large, soft, pretty cushion to make her more comfortable when seated on the sofa/in bed. My mum used to love me rubbing luxury hand creams into her hands with a gentle massage. It was when we had our best chats. And some lovely flowers, or perhaps a beautiful plant, like an orchid, that she won't have to worry about changing water, or even watering it very

JackyB Fri 01-Sep-23 08:50:32

Time, time, time. How near to her do you live? How well do you get on with her? Give her a small gift that she will definitely use, such as hand cream. or flowers, but offer to spend time with her. Not as a voucher for a certain amount of time of course, but spend an afternoon going through photos together, go out for a meal or a coffee or to a park or some gardens.

Blacktabby2 Fri 01-Sep-23 09:05:07

hello my lovely Gransnetters. Thankyou so much for all your ideas. its really helped me. Much love to you all xxx