In a state in inertia when DH around - from Mumsnet

😂 Doodledog .

Does anyone else find that their Dh/dp always seems to be standing in front of that very kitchen cabinet you want to get into? It happens all the time, even when we had a much bigger kitchen and utility room. Half my time in the kitchen is spent asking him to move.

I must say I am exactly the same when my husband is around. If I am home alone I can get so many things done but if he is around I just don't seem to be able to do any housework at all! It's strange!

Thank you for this post! I thought I was the only one like this because it felt so weird! But seems like a lot of folks are “weird”! Lol! I am a person who focuses too much on projects ( task oriented) so I think having another person in the house makes it hard to be that focused on projects… so maybe this shows we are task oriented folks who struggle with focusing on someone who is obviously more important than our tasks!♥️

This is so interesting to find out others don't get things done when husband is around. I only wash the kitchen floor when he's not around. If he goes out to do errands, I'll calculate about how long he'll be gone and what I can get done. Part of it is that I don't like having someone comment on how I do something. I wish he would go fishing for a few days. I would clear out my closet and lay everything on the bed to sort
through without having to clear off the bed everyday.

Thank goodness it’s not just me! When I was married I used to get things done when my husband was away on business, which was most of the time. And I did my housework when the kids went to bed: in fact my daughter asked me if I was nocturnal ( I think I am). Then when I was divorced I met my current partner and explained to him that I needed time alone. However, over the years he’s managed to spend more and more time here and, of course the pandemic meant we had to be together 24/7. And I can’t seem to get things back to how things were, especially as we now share a lockdown dog who we can’t leave at home alone. I’m sure this is why my house is in such a terrible mess and things like paperwork, that I always kept on top of is mounting up. There’s something about someone sitting watching tv that makes me struggle to do things. I have asked him to keep our dog at his house for a few weeks so I can get things done even though it isn’t the dog that’s the problem. I also flit from one job to another and question why I’m doing it but can’t help it. I can’t read in the same room as someone else or watch any tv programmes or box sets that I particularly want to watch because I need silence. So I stay up at night watching everything. I’m not assertive enough to get our routine changed: I either say nothing or let things build up so that I explode.

I am finding the same , my husband is home 4 days a week and I feel I have to be ready to do what he wants and if that’s sitting having coffee all day that’s what we do , when he is not here I get so much done . However I would still rather have him around!!

I am absolutely not coming from a 'have to be ready to do what he wants' perspective . Mr Dog does housework too, and we share both chores and general admin in our haphazard fashion. It's more that I feel that my flittyabouty approach to doing things is exposed when someone is there (whoever it is). It's not as though Mr D doesn't know what I'm like - we've been married for 43 years . I can't really explain it - I just prefer to do things on my own.

When I was working I much preferred having my own office to the times when I shared. It's the same thing, I guess.

I can't relate to any of this. My husband retired in December 2017. We each have our separate studies and meet up for coffee, lunch and dinner. He has never "slouched in front of the TV" in his life. That would better describe my afternoons and evenings! I love having him around.

There's an old chap who cycles round our village all day, rain or shine, because his wife can't bear to have him in the house while she is busy. They seem to be happy with this arrangement.

I like to spray the bathroom and go off and do a couple of jobs while it takes effect. Even if he's in the garden, you can bet DH will come in and want to use the bathroom exactly in those precise 5 minutes. Ditto I will leave the lights on on the stairs if I know I'm coming down with both hands full and not able to reach the light switch. When I get back to the stairs - the light's been switched off! Or leave a door open for the same reason. When I go to go through it, it's shut. And don't mention cleaning the kitchen floor.....

When he was away for a week this summer, the housework got done so quickly I was almost at a loss for something to do for the rest of the day. Then I realised that I could finally get on with all those sewing and decluttering projects. Very much in agreement with the OP!

For all of you above it might be advisable to have a look at another thread on these pages today: the one about spending Christmas and pretty much the rest of your life without your husband.

Goldieoldie15

For all of you above it might be advisable to have a look at another thread on these pages today: the one about spending Christmas and pretty much the rest of your life without your husband.

Point taken.

But we are looking on this thread at a specific 'problem' - inertia, and how we are affected by having someone around (not necessarily always a husband) which affects our ability to ge things done.

If you've ever been faced with two-week's worth of tasks that have built up because visitors; or family members' needs/ presence has prevented you from getting on with them... and you are the one who is expected to and is left to get on with these jobs, then I think it's a valid topic.

Goldieoldie15

For all of you above it might be advisable to have a look at another thread on these pages today: the one about spending Christmas and pretty much the rest of your life without your husband.

Why? it's not as though anyone ha sing a gentle moan is not 100% aware that we'd miss them if they weren't there. We are not taking anything from anyone who is living alone - we are simply sharing our experiences of living with someone else. If it is not clear from the thread title then the first couple of posts should show what the thread is about, so if anyone is feeling raw they don't have to read on. That is not being insensitive - GN has lots of members in different circumstances and we have different frustrations and pleasures. I don't have grandchildren, and would absolutely love to have them. I don't come onto every thread about grandchildren to remind those who do that there are others out there who would happily swap places with them. I'm sure there are lots of similar examples.

I like to spray the bathroom and go off and do a couple of jobs while it takes effect. Even if he's in the garden, you can bet DH will come in and want to use the bathroom exactly in those precise 5 minutes. Ditto I will leave the lights on on the stairs if I know I'm coming down with both hands full and not able to reach the light switch. When I get back to the stairs - the light's been switched off! Or leave a door open for the same reason. When I go to go through it, it's shut. And don't mention cleaning the kitchen floor.....
I totally identify with this .

Gosh. I'm in awe of you busy lot. It sounbds like you're all flat out doing multiple large jobs around the house and garden. I'm obviously an idle besom. DH works part time so is out three days a week. I go food shopping and operate my machines (washing machine and dishwasher) and that's about it. Occasionally I change the sheets. Otherwise I'm out at my volunteering or meeting friends for lunch. Anyone can listen in to my rivetting phone calls.
I should say that I'm used to just getting on on my own as previously, DH was working full time and coaching in the evenings and at weekends. We enjoy holidays and meals out together and watch some (but not most) TV programmes together.

I certainly have trouble getting things done when my husband is just sitting about.
He does seem to have embraced retirement in a big way though and he is rarely ready to do anything before 11am. He also will nap at any opportunity and as an active person I find it depressing.
I do like time with him when he's awake and if we're doing something together.
To be fair, maybe he gets fed up with me being more active though !

Aveline

Gosh. I'm in awe of you busy lot. It sounbds like you're all flat out doing multiple large jobs around the house and garden. I'm obviously an idle besom. DH works part time so is out three days a week. I go food shopping and operate my machines (washing machine and dishwasher) and that's about it. Occasionally I change the sheets. Otherwise I'm out at my volunteering or meeting friends for lunch. Anyone can listen in to my rivetting phone calls.
I should say that I'm used to just getting on on my own as previously, DH was working full time and coaching in the evenings and at weekends. We enjoy holidays and meals out together and watch some (but not most) TV programmes together.

... if you've any spare-time - come round to mine you idle besom!

I am chief-cook, bottle-washer, Admin officer, house-maid, appointment-booker-er, computer problem expert, laundress, researcher for my partner's various ailments and their alleviation thereof... and the cat views me as his servant, too.

This thread highlights so many differences among posters and their partner (if they have one). Things I wouldn't have dreamed. Best not to assume everyone is the same, obviously we're not.

Dickens I forgot I do the admin ie organise the electricity, broadband, phone, TV package etc but that's usually only once a year phone calls. I also organise and book the holidays. And pay for all that.

Goldieoldie15

For all of you above it might be advisable to have a look at another thread on these pages today: the one about spending Christmas and pretty much the rest of your life without your husband.

As I said in my original post, 'Just need to say, I am not trying to have a poke at/offend people living on their own'.

Well, I’m really grateful for this post as it’s reassuring to know that other people have the same sort of mindset. And, being divorced and alone for several years I do know how rotten it is being on your own for days on end.

I have been divorced and hated living alone. OH retired very recently and is spending time following me everywhere. The rest of the time he sleeps. Can’t hoover or paint. When I mention a walk he tells me I’m too old to walk and am an old lady now as I’m 72 and he’s 68. He’s 20 stone and I’m 9 stone. My doctors are reducing my blood pressure medication and have just called me in to decide if I come off all medication. He’s called in with me to take more medication. I despair.

PinkCosmos

Goldieoldie15

For all of you above it might be advisable to have a look at another thread on these pages today: the one about spending Christmas and pretty much the rest of your life without your husband.

As I said in my original post, 'Just need to say, I am not trying to have a poke at/offend people living on their own'.

Yes, you did say that, and I don't think we needed to be admonished for discussing the issue.

It's been an interesting - and sometimes amusing - thread.

I like having my husband around but I also look forward to the increasingly rare days that he goes out and I am alone to get on with things. He does tend to hover and I feel an unspoken pressure that he wants to know exactly what and when I do things.

Thanks Dickens. You should read the Mumsnet thread. Some of it is very amusing indeed.