DIL is hurt According to my Son

fuming mad is in quotes because I'm quoting you.

Seems to be a lot of madness …

so long as you got your dil a nice gift at the same time I don't see the problem. treat her in the same way and she may eventually come round..

I disagree with those posters saying it doesn’t matter the mom’s reason for giving just her son money. IMO since he is married the reason does matter if she is excluding his spouse. The OP stated clear as day that she is giving her son money for working hard but ok he is married so clearly he is an adult so hard work is expected. And the reason I say the reason for the mom giving her son money matters is because this particular reason is being exclusionary to his wife AKA her DIL. By giving it solely to the son because he works hard heavily implies his wife doesn’t or that he needs the money because he works oh so hard but doesn’t have anything to show for it. It’s a passive aggressive dig at the DIL/wife.

Also they are married so a downfall for one or hard work for one automatically means a downfall or hard work for the other. If her son is working hard then doesn’t the OP realize that that means her DIL is probably doing the brunt of the housework or spending a lot of time alone without her husband? That right there is a sacrifice on her part in and of itself.

Also if she is also working full time why is her hard work automatically less important and doesn’t deserve a treat or reward but her son’s hard work doesn’t?

If the money is a gift for hard work shouldn’t they both be getting a little something?

So yes that’s why I say the reason that she is excluding the DIl certainly does matter because if the reason was something like it’s the son’s birthday then that is acceptable to exclude the DIl since it’s not her birthday.

But not oh my grown married son works oh so hard but DIl your hard work goes unnoticed.

My Mum often gives me money - which she always tells me is just for me.
My Husband is quite aware that she does this (I tell him when she does).
Yes I do use just for me
It really doesn’t bother him at all.

Mel1967

My Mum often gives me money - which she always tells me is just for me.
My Husband is quite aware that she does this (I tell him when she does).
Yes I do use just for me
It really doesn’t bother him at all.

I think in this circumstance it’s a little different because the OP made it clear she is close to this DIL and stated she is giving her son money because in her words, “he has been working a lot of hours.” The couple is married and in a marriage things affect both members of the couple. So while her son may be working a lot of hours I’m sure her DIL is finding herself having to do more around the house and pick up on the slack never mind the fact that the extra hours her husband works leaves her with less time to spend with him. So this hard work doesn’t just affect him but being they are married it is automatically a strain and affects both of them.

So super odd and exclusionary to acknowledge the hard work of one half of the married couple and not the other half especially considering that this mother in law is very very close to this daughter in law. So why would she not acknowledge her DIL’s role in this.

Also I would be so incredibly hurt if my husbands mom was giving him money and telling him essentially not to spend it on me his own wife and even more hurt if I found out he was listening to his mother over the feelings of his own wife and not sharing with me. To me finances is a shared thing between married couples.

See her in person and And then have something to give her why not be completely honest and say you just thought of giving him a treat etc and you didnt realise how it came across. Large piece of humble pie i think.. No wonder sometimes Mums of sins find them selves ostracised Its a tricky path but one that must be trod with caution.