Paternal grandparent

I am a paternal grandmother and the relationship with my DIL and GC could not be better.
I have been there for them from day 1 and there has never been any indication that I should take a back seat to her mother.
I love my DIL as I do my own DC.

I m both a maternal x2 and paternal nan
Do what is asked of you either way and don’t look for problems but I do think it’s natural to be closer to your daughter than your daughter in law but NO difference in your love for your grandchildren

To those saying they don’t understand
A daughter will want her mum with her usually at birth or soon after, less so the mother in law surely that’s normal Nothing to do with loving a son less that doesn’t make sense

BlueBelle

I m both a maternal x2 and paternal nan
Do what is asked of you either way and don’t look for problems but I do think it’s natural to be closer to your daughter than your daughter in law but NO difference in your love for your grandchildren

To those saying they don’t understand
A daughter will want her mum with her usually at birth or soon after, less so the mother in law surely that’s normal Nothing to do with loving a son less that doesn’t make sense

I agree. It has nothing at all
To do with “loving a son the same as a daughter “
It’s about in this instance , your daughter in law recovering from birth and learning to be a mother , not your daughter, it’s that your SON isn’t the patient recovering or learning to be a new mother. Saying what’s the difference in having you over her mother, well
It would
Be like your son wanting his father in law not his father to be the one helping him recover from a vasectomy. New mothers tend to be more comfortable with their mothers while they recover. If we are respectful and understanding of thatI’ve found as “the paternal grandparent” it works out in the end

Exactly, Grams It’s about who the patient is, and what they need.

For many women, they’d rather have their mother, sister or best friend with them when they’re vulnerable and recovering vs anyone else, including their partner’s family. It’s about the relationship, not the title.

Just as if it were the guy recovering from surgery, I’d expect him to rather have his parent, sibling or BFF vs someone from his partner’s family. Especially if he needed help with personal care.

To be clear, I mean aside from their partner, not instead of.

silverlining48

I don’t have daughters in law but we all know it’s usually women who run/organise things family wise so it’s in paternal grans interests to make a friend of their dil.
Neither of my sons in law contact us , ever, not even just to say hello, so though there isn’t a problem between us they are distant and I have no expectation oF them wanting to make a relationship with us as individuals.

I do agree with this. However let’s not let men off the hook for their responsibility in this as well. It is their job to step up and plan to see their family as well and to speak up. I don’t wanna hear well it’s easier to go along with what the wife says because that again is letting the man off the hook for his part. He is an adult with a car and phone of his own. So if he isn’t allowing and speaking up to have his family involved with his kid that’s on him. I just hate hate hate this narrative of blaming the woman for the action of men.

Also as an aside in general. This isn’t directed to you personally at all. Also I hate this make friends with your DIL so you can have more access to possible grandchild in the future. If you are making friends with someone to gain access to something (or someone rather) they have in the future are you really their friend to begin with? How about being friends with your DIl because she is a human being, your DIL, and most importantly a member of your family. It’s super crappy to just befriend someone or be nice to someone because in the future they may have access to something you want. A DIL isn’t an inch a for your future grandchild.

Oh no certainly don’t let men off the hook.
I dislike the automatic blaming of the Dil by disgruntled in laws where contact ,or lack of, is concerned. Its up to the son to arrange contact with his parents/family but too many don’t,

In my case had I not always suggested visiting/inviting DH parents they would never have seen him or their grandchildren I found out later they didn’t have a good word to say about me.