Partner refuses to speak to my 8 year old grandson

I’d love to know what this perceived rudeness was when he first met your (then) seven-year-old GS. Something so heinous that he, a grown man, is still festering about it a year later! You said that GS had interrupted him. Is that all? That’s just how animated conversation goes. Children are excitable.

You said: I’ve asked him to move on and try to build a relationship with my GS but he flatly refuses. Flatly refuses.

It reminds me of the Cat Stevens song Father and Son.

How can I try to explain, cause when I do he turns away again
It's always been the same, same old story
From the moment I could talk I was ordered to listen
Now there's a way and I know that I have to go away …

That’s the thing that worries me about this. Your GS is old enough to be aware that he no longer sees you as much as he used to, that you now are living far away for much of the year with a man who doesn’t like him. That could so easily be interepreted in a child’s mind as Grandma goes away because I did something wrong. That kind of thing can play on a child’s mind for a very long time.

This isn’t a hiccup. Callistemon is right. This is a big red flag with narcissist written on it. He, a 78-year-old man is effectively giving your eight-year-old GS the silent treatment. It is a well-used weapon in the narcissist’s armoury because they know that it hurts. To do that to a child is unforgiveable.

Saying it’s just a hiccup is a form of baiting.

Baiting is a tactic used by a narcissist to intentionally provoke an emotional response from the victim, generally while feigning innocence.

Silent Treatment is a period of non-responsiveness in which the narcissist treats the person as if he or she doesn’t exist. The narcissist implements it as a form of punishment if a person engages in a behaviour that the narcissist doesn’t like.

You say he doesn't have a relationship with his own grandaughters of a similar age. In that case, he is unlikely to put himself out to have one with your GS. Only you know if that’s a deal breaker.

Thats blooming marvellous news, whiff
What a long, long wait you had!

MissAdventure

He sounds a real old misery.
It is a shame though, if you're very fond of him, but honestly, who wants to be told what to do?

Hey - good to see you back!

Calling it a "hiccup" and the accusation of over-reacting remind me of the tactics some people use when they want to wind you up.

They say obnoxious things that are designed to provoke and then, when you respond in the way they hoped you would, act in an 'innocent' superior manner and make comments such as, "oh dear, you seem upset", or, "gosh, you sound angry".

It's nasty.

🙂 thank you, Dickens

sandra13

This is actually a true story.

His take on my reaction is that I’ve “made a major thing out of a hiccup”.

This demonstrates how apart his thinking is from yours - it may seem a hiccough to him but it's major to you. He's demeaning you and your feelings. At 78 l doubt you'll change him, I'd be distancing myself very quickly. A partner should be supportive, he's destructive.

Find someone who is as lax on manners as you are

Ooh! Kettle, pot, black? .

sandra13

This is actually a true story.

His take on my reaction is that I’ve “made a major thing out of a hiccup”.

Gaslighting - pure and simple.

missadventure another pleased to see you back 👋

MissAdventure

It has.
A year?
Something like that

I am super pleased you are back

Hello MissAdventure you've been much missed. Hope all is well with you.

Thank you.
You are all very kind

Hello MissAdventure. Welcome back!

hello!

I wonder what draws you to this nan?
What does he give you that you need?

Do you really need him at all?

Would you be better separated but with (say) the odd outing - or will he still want to control the rest of your life?

If you're happy to stay with this controlling manchild, I'd advise making a will that will see that all of your assets go to your family, leaving him out of it or with very little!!
Also, any life insurance you have should go to your funeral first (all arranged by you or left to family to arrange) and then to your family, possibly even a good sum to your DGC.
This manchild is giving off too many red flags, and by this time next year you probably won't be in touch with your family, just as he is not with his - and I wonder what he's hiding there!?!

So your SO of a year whisked you off to another country and now refuses to speak to your family and sulks when you do?

My advice?

A one way ticket back home to the people who really love you.
He's isolated you, and now blames you and everyone else for his misery. It doesn't matter how old he is or what happened a gazillion years ago. And the fact he has no relationship with his own family should tell you everything you need to know.

Go. Home X

He just may not like children. He doesn’t consider himself a grandparent to the boy, so why the need to speak to him on the phone?
I don’t like children much and I have 5 grandchildren. I never phone them and most of them don’t phone me but we keep in touch by text or in person.The exception is my youngest granddaughter who is 12 and is autistic and can have major meltdowns lasting hours .
If she has one at bedtime and nobody gets to sleep in their house my son tells her to FaceTime me and I talk a lot of boring rubbish to her and she eventually falls asleep. These calls can be anything up to 1am and can last up to 2 hours but if it helps her then I don’t mind .
I wouldn’t be wanting to talk to an 8 year old child that I hardly know though .