Friends?

Happy birthday Roobi
It was my husband's 65th birthday at the weekend, my granddaughter was over from England visiting us . She left us a lovely thank you card and gift when she left but no birthday card (I'm not complaining, we so enjoyed her visit). I think maybe with the cost of postage cards are becoming a thing of the past. Seems birthday greetings are now posted on social media.
As a nearly 63 year old I do understand the feelings of not having friends/family living close by. It can be lonely, please continue to post here for friendship and support.
Buy yourself some flowers today, maybe go for a walk, go for coffee.

Belated Happy Birthday!
I found my last birthday a bit hard as it was the first one without my husband to bring me a cup of tea, a card and present first thing, but later I did hear from my family. It must be tough having no family. None of my friends knows when my birthday is, so I have no expectations from them. Maybe next year you can arrange to go out after work, if that is what you would like?

I’m always surprised by the regular threads on here with poster after poster saying they don’t send cards now because of the cost. Second class post is 85p and you can get five decent cards in Card Factory for a pound, so it doesn’t take much to brighten someone’s day.

Some and for you, Roobi, and I’m sorry you had such a rotten birthday. I hope you’re feeling better today.

Roobi, didn't you receive any cards at all as your post suggests or was it the late acknowledgement from your best friend that upset you most?

I think the nasty, hurtful comments are totally unnecessary. Maybe those posters have got family and friends and lead a wonderful life. Everyone is not in the same boat.

I wonder if you keep close contact with your friends and whether you discussed celebrating with them. When people live distantly from each other it is easy to lose contact.. It isn't clear whether the friend you reprimanded is the same one that sent the card and present. If so why not be more grateful that she remembered. Loneliness and illness seem to make people irritable so be careful not to lose your old friends. As someone said earlier this could be your year for making new friends... be pro-active you are still youngish

I'm sorry your birthday was a disappointment, Roobi. I'm sure your friend didn't mean to hurt you. She may have had other things going on in her own life that got in the way, but I can understand you feeling upset that she didn't phone you or ping you a message.

More generally though, and not directly connected to the OP, I don't think that the only reason cards are going out of fashion is the cost, as suggested above. The politics of card sending put me off it ages ago. People get upset if someone forgets, expect reciprocal cards (even crossing people off lists if they don't reciprocate) see them as an obligation, assume that if they don't get a card it's because the would-be sender 'couldn't be bothered', threaten not to continue to give presents to children who don't send cards - on and on it goes.

The bad feeling cards can cause makes them a liability, IMO. They are profit-spinners for the manufacturers, bad for the environment and getting a hundred bits of cheap card with mass-produced verses inside does not make someone more loved than if they didn't get any. It's more to do with the expectations and culture of their family and friends.

I know people (eg my mum) who continue to see her worth in terms of the number of cards she gets, proudly displaying them on every surface of her sitting room as proof to visitors that she 'matters'. I wouldn't dream of not sending her a card for every birthday, Christmas, Mothers Day and so on, but I also go to visit her on the day, or at least phone her to wish her happy birthday if I can't get there in person, and to me that's far more important.

I don't send them to friends though, and friends don't send them to me. We do remember one another's birthdays, and usually send WhatsApp messages or FB congratulations instead. These still say that we've remembered one another, but are a lot less fraught than sending cards. People are generally much more busy than they used to be, and sending cards means remembering days in advance to buy one, get a stamp and post it in time. Even then, the odds on it getting there on the day are slight, whilst a message or text is instant, and the sender has a 24 hour window to get it there on time.

If someone chooses not to use WhatsApp or Facebook, or be able to get texts, that's not the fault of the senders either. Nowadays all of those things are easily available and have been for so long that most people have access to them.

Oh dear. Is it really so much trouble and effort now to remember a friend’s special birthday and acknowledge it, even if that friend’s living on her own and not on social media? I find that very sad.

Apparently we buy over 800 million cards every year in the UK, so plenty of other people must feel as I do.

I’m so sorry about your birthday Roobi, I think I would have felt the same. My DS once forgot Mother’s Day flowers and it has become a family joke that I’ve never let him forget it! 😂 But I was upset at the time … I’ll let you know if he forgets my 70th birthday later this year!!
You have lots of interests and that’s good but maybe those people are not close friends. All I can say is try to get over it and ignore hurtful comments where ever they come from.
As for expensive cards and postage - if anyone is interested Whistlefish sells beautiful cards very reasonably and 85p for a stamp is surely not too much to brighten someone’s special day? I hope at least some of the replies on here help a little bit Roobi.

Popped you a message Roobi. For what its worth, I think freindships are fragile things.

Happy belated birthday Roobi.
I think I would be upset if a close friend didn’t acknowledge my birthday especially a big one . But I do understand that cards sending is not a big thing now . Whether that’s cost or time , who knows .
I send cards to my family , their siblings and OH and to close friends .
I must admit sometimes it’s late . I buy a card and then forget to write and send it in time .
I also send birthday wishes via text WhatsApp or Facebook to all friends and family members.
I’m glad your health is better and hopefully you can get out and about .

I sort of have an unwritten agreement with my friends that birthdays don't have to be just that one day.

We often just turn up weeks, sometimes months, later with a belated gift. Sometimes we don't bother.

For me the nature of friendship isn't just about those milestones days. You have another whole year to celebrate being 60!

Milestone birthdays can be triggers, though, for things going on under the surface. Not long after my 60th birthday a long term relationship came to an end. I had to seriously re-assess my life and it was so much easier than I thought it would be!

I managed to keep the job I loved and moved away to be closer to my family and friends.

Sometimes we have to be brave- we think 60 is a milestone but it isn't- every single day matters, not just those marked out for celebrating.

I do hope you see your friend soon and spend the time having fun and not being resentful to each other.

It isn't easy making new friends when we get older- in six years I haven't managed it- but I have worked on my older relationships and it has been very worthwhile.

I wish you well, don't be hard on yourself or on others- life is worth squeezing some joy out of regardless of what's gone on before.

Wishing you a Happy Belated 60th Birthday, Roobi. 💐 If you are now feeling well, maybe you could visit your friends and celebrate your birthday with them, taking them out for lunch, afternoon tea or dinner? As others have said, 60 is still young!

well, that's me slapped down.
i was actually trying to be positive, supportive.
no matter.
and thanks to Curtaintwitcher, Aveline, MOnica and BlueBelle.

Curtaintwitcher

Roobi

Thanks,Welbeck - I haven’t been ‘under the weather’ and I have diverse interests. What possesses people on here to think they have this superior insight into others” lives? Groan.

That response to sympathy might give a clue as to why your birthday was ignored.

indeed

Belated birthday wishes Roobi -I really would feel sad if no one remembered my birthday. You say you have no longer have any family. I find that sad - you are only 60. You shouldn’t be feeling like this at your age. I’m glad you have lots of interests. Dont dwell too much on the negative . Belated birthday wishes I wish I was 60 😂

Happy belated birthday Roobi ,

I'm sorry it was 💐miserable for you. I would have been just as upset. Good advice from the kind grans on here, as for the spiteful responses ignore them, they're not worth the head space . 💐

welbeck

well, that's me slapped down.
i was actually trying to be positive, supportive.
no matter.
and thanks to Curtaintwitcher, Aveline, MOnica and BlueBelle.

I think if somebody is feeling a bit low and goes public, they might want a bit of sensitivity.

We all know that getting out there, socialising and so on is good for our MH but its a Catch 22 that you lose confidence and can't face it.

Loneliness especially on your birthday - just as at Christmas- is especially hard to take but instead of waiting and hoping that people will have remembered in time to do something about it, my philosophy is to be more proactive (but maybe not very subtle!)
Giving enough notice I will tell a few friends that its my birthday soon (gentle hint) how about we all go out to lunch or afternoon tea somewhere nice? I dont expect AC and GC to be available on a work /school day so I invite them to lunch on a suitably close Saturday or Sunday
You might argue THEY should remember but we're none of us perfect and I'd rather have company instigated by me than be IN THE RIGHT but sit in isolation .

Oh dear. Is it really so much trouble and effort now. . .
I rest my case

Maggiemaybe

Sorry, but that's exactly what I was saying in my post. You have ascribed a 'trouble and effort' motive to people who don't share your views about cards, and this is the sort of reasoning that makes people feel sad if they don't get them.

I don't send them (other than to immediate family) - not because of the 'trouble and effort', but because I don't see them as a signifier of my love for people. I'm not pushing that onto you, but if I took your approach I could say 'Oh dear, is it too much trouble and effort for people to go and visit one another or send them a text?', and that would be just as unreasonable.

I understand the OP feeling disappointed, but was making the point that the lack of cards does't mean that she's not cared about. Your post suggests that you think otherwise, which is a bit insensitive, IMO.

welbeck

well, that's me slapped down.
i was actually trying to be positive, supportive.
no matter.
and thanks to Curtaintwitcher, Aveline, MOnica and BlueBelle.

Wellbeck I also thought your reply was caring,, and didn't justify the response you received...

I'm not good at birthdays and never have been but my mother definitely was. I have some dear and old friends and we don't remember each others birthdays unprompted - I know my friend's husband's birthday because it's a date that sits on one of our family birthdays. What we do, is really enjoy and celebrate each other as-and-when.

I think there are more if us growing older in this more ad-hoc way and that your friends do care about you.

Why not make a get-together date in the future and meet half way?

Or have a "virtual" celebration?...
I've got a "date" for a video call via WhatsApp - it's coffee and cake in a fortnight with my lovely but miles-away friend whose birthday was weeks ago. We will both sit and enjoy cake and a chat and then get back to work on projects in our respective "workshops". We can chat as long as we want with no charges too I'm really looking forward to it.

A bit like "knit and natter" but no need to go out!

Sending belated birthday wishes... I think that being more proactive will make you feel more in control - and happier.

I definitely think a good friend should have acted better.

A belated Happy Birthday .