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How would you deal with this?

(110 Posts)
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atherineca Mon 15-Jul-24 06:58:17

My neighbour knocked my door and asked me to do them a favour. Could I drive them to the bus depot on Monday. As they are going away for a week, bus trip. I would have said yes, but then she said it’s at 7am in the morning, I said oh that’s too early for me as I don’t get up until 8am sometimes 9 & I would have had to have got up at about 6am. So she went. I messaged her on WhatsApp on 6th July saying that I felt awful. I also said when I went away I left my car near the bus station for the duration I was away, couldn’t they do that, as they have 2 cars at the moment. No reply. Today 14th July I was out in the garden when she said Hi, I asked if I had offended her as she didn’t reply to my message. She said oh I saw the message but I don’t use WhatsApp!!!! Then she said they had got someone else a relative of my other neighbour, then gave a dig of he’s as good as gold as she walked away …. Don’t get me wrong I will help anyone out in an emergency, in fact I offered to take her down the hospital a few months ago when her mother was dying, as her lift was late (We are all in our 60’s by the way) So now I feel as if I am the bad one here, for just saying no sad I hate any animosity & it is obviously bothering me.

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Greciangirl Fri 19-Jul-24 15:32:45

You should have left things as they were.
You refused and gave a plausible reason and they went on their way.

I wouldn’t dream of troubling my neighbours for lifts.
If family can’t help,us out, then it’s taxis.

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nipsmum Fri 19-Jul-24 16:43:20

It's one thing being a good neighbour, it's another when someone takes a loan of you.
I used to volunteer with WRVS. I was very happy to take people to hospital appointments and the elderly for their weekly shopping.
I stopped when someone was not happy with me taking her and her wheelchair round the supermarket. She then expected me to take her into town and push her and her large wheelchair round John Lewis and Marks and Spencer too. What was usually an hour volunteering turned into 4 hours and a very exhausted volunteer. I never did it again.

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Kent75 Fri 19-Jul-24 17:27:47

You’re not the bad one! You are obviously thoughtful and sensitive. It would have been fairer if she mentioned the 7am at the beginning of the conversation, as it’s a big ask. You have done all you can in asking if they have sorted out a lift, sending a follow up message etc. Shame your neighbour can’t just say, she understands and no problem etc. Trouble is not everyone is so kind and thoughtful etc. You’ve done your best, be proud that your were assertive enough to say no! Try not to worry.

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Etoile2701 Fri 19-Jul-24 18:45:16

Thank goodness I don't drive so I never have that dilemma!

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NotSpaghetti Sat 20-Jul-24 07:10:17

Fae1 - This is too early for me - Summer or Winter!

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NotSpaghetti Sat 20-Jul-24 07:13:30

I'd probably drag myself up early if it was imperative (an emergency) but otherwise there are options... Indeed she's found one. ..

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NotSpaghetti Sat 20-Jul-24 07:14:25

Not probably I would drag myself up early in an emergency!

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BlueBelle Sat 20-Jul-24 07:31:06

They re probably takers, I very rarely ask for favours probably almost never, in fact I get accused of being too independent, it’s a fine line isn’t it? but don’t keep procrastinating over it You made the decision and you can’t undo it It really doesn’t matter who is right or who we wrong, it’s done. Put it to bed and move past worrying over it

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Pythagorus Sat 20-Jul-24 11:05:38

We all have a line we draw in the sand.
I am uber independent and never ask for favours, too independent some may say.
I am 77 but fit and well.
If it was a friend or a good neighbour I would probably have taken her. (Although if it were me I would have booked a taxi!) If it was a regular occurrence with a friend or neighbour and their was never any sort of reciprocal favours, I would pull back a bit.
But when I have made a decision , I dont beat myself up about it.

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