How would you deal with this?

I think sadly this is the way of the world for lots of people now. I was brought up to help people.. my parents didn’t have much but my Dad gave people home grown veg that was surplus, Mum knitted socks for old men in the village and if a new baby was born they always got a bonnet or bootees from her. People who had lost someone or were feeling low got homemade sausage rolls or a fruit cake.

That generation were grateful. One man always cleaned mum’s windows free of charge because he remembered how Mum helped his Mum when she was having her 8th child and was very poorly. Various people have said they loved my Mum because she cooked them all chips when they were hungry. They all sent lovely cards when she passed away.

Not so sure, sadly, that this generation are so grateful.

Don’t feel bad.

Calendargirl
We’ve all been there, done or said something to another person, then suffered agonies thinking and worrying about it, have I offended them, was it my fault, should I have done things differently?

No, not really. yes, I have sometime regretted something I have done or said, but I can never see the point in agonising over things that are passed and gone. I consider that to be self-indulgent. Just consider the issue, on further consideration, your response may have been the right one. if not learn from it and move on. If you appropritee and you can, make amends.

I think you did the right thing atherineca as most people would have immediately of booking a taxi at that time in the morning.

It would also have meant further, possibly inconvenient requests in the future so I think you have avoided that minefield. Because I think doing things which one isn't really happy with can cause resentment and mean trying to avoid the one who puts us on a guilt trip....when we are willing to help reasonable requests quite happily. Resentment isn't good.

It's on her that she made you feel uncomfortable and sulked when you said no, which was the response you chose. You were under no obligation. So know you were reasonable and she was trying her luck.

I've had something similar here...gradually being manipulated to give far more than I am able to give a neighbour who used whining, self pity and sulks to get me to respond to her demands. Instead of just asking!

One day she was angry with me for not being in one evening when she'd phoned. I had been enjoying a walk in evening sunshine which I've explained I do in the summer and I'd also told her she had both landline and mobile phone numbers [so why not try both]. I had not realised until the next day that I'd had a phone call and phoned her as soon as I saw that I had.

Phone calls anyway had been increasing and getting longer and longer.

She was so angry and I felt so trapped as I gave her as much of my time as I could...time, company, listening for hours on the phone and fetching items from shops etc.etc. So I stated a couple of reasonable boundaries and she then sulked, over reacted and hasn't been in touch since.

However I'd observed this behaviour of hers towards an old friend of hers who she discarded [and upset] in order to move onto someone else who she felt was more malleable/useful. I will always help someone if I can but have been taken advantage of so much in the past that now I think I'm done. Family only now.

Sometimes it’s the thin end of a wedge! I was asked to give a colleague a lift to work following a minor op. It was not on my usual route but I agreed to be helpful. From that day on, until I left the job, she expected me to be her taxi every day and got really annoyed is I was unable to pick her up for a good reason. Consequently I never agree to offer lifts, just in case it becomes expected.

I would have got up an hour earlier for some people but not others.

I dont see any reason to feel bad if you didn’t want to help, just forget about it, they will either move on or not, you were not that close anyway.

Asking for a lift at that time of day is a cheek That's what taxis are for Some folk just like other folk running after them though

To be honest I probably would have given a lift (unless it was the bloke next door who does all he can to alienate us).

There just skinflints, rather inconvenience a neighbour than shell out for taxi.

She must have known it was a bit of a cheek to ask - now she knows you cannot be pushed about. The feelings will die down, and she will be a bit more careful about asking favours of you. After all this is not an emergency dash to A&E - just a pleasure jaunt. You have not at all been horrible - just not been taken advantage of.

Well said sandelf.

What's wrong with a taxi?

I wouldn’t dream of asking anyone for a lift I’d get a taxi. I’m not a people pleaser I find it easy to say no. If something was an emergency it’s different. I wouldn’t feel bad either wouldn’t give in another thought. I very often pick up bits of shopping for ppl but I wouldn’t expect anyone to do anything for me. That’s how I am

I agree fully with other GNs here - this neighbour asking you to provide a holiday taxi service sounds like a real cheek, as is the early start which would be required. (It's one thing to help someone out in an emergency, but quite another when you are being asked to provide them with a money-saving service for their holiday!) atherinaca, IMO you are wise to have declined; with any luck this should keep her from making further unreasonable requests like this in the future.

I wouldn’t dream of asking anyone to get up so early, even my own family! Couldn’t she have booked a taxi? I wouldn’t feel at all bad about it! Up to her to arrange her own transport without relying on other people. Ignore the carping. it makes her look somewhat needy.

A lot of us older people find it difficult to get going in the morning. Benefit of hindsight - you could've said you aren't safe to drive until later, I hope you can find a solution.

Taxis of course!

* atherineca* you feel bad because you’d normally help. I think you were very good saying no because it could happen again at a time that is not good for you. She sounds thoughtless and it’s possibly because she is used to others always saying yes. At least she knows not to ask for such an inconvenient time again. However my main point is regarding WhatsApp, I know some people who have it, can read messages but somehow can’t send from it no matter how myself and others have tried to get them familiar with it. So she possibly wasn’t ignoring your message and was just thoughtless in not texting back or popping round to reply that it was okay. As for the “he’s good as gold” again possibly thoughtless remark, I’d have been put out while agreeing with her to throw her remark back in case it was a dig. If it was then she’s in the wrong again, definitely not you and you did well in not putting yourself out. If it was a vital lift it might be different but you even gave her an alternative suggestion and know she can book taxis. So forget it and enjoy your day is what I think.

I think she should have opened with “what time to you usually get up?”. Then she would have known not to ask you. If no one had been able to help I’m sure they would have managed to get a taxi.
To me a favour is something you can do for someone without it having a big impact on your life - even for one day.
If she is miffed then let her get over it but don’t feel bad about it. You did what was right for you.
Next time she asks for a favour say “ have you asked so and so, you did say he was as good as gold?”

"No is a complete sentence. It does not require an explanation to follow. You can truly answer someone’s request with a simple no."
Sharon E Rainey

simplish.co/blog/saying-no-quotes

A friend once said to me today’s favour turns into tomorrow’s chore.

Mumto4

A friend once said to me today’s favour turns into tomorrow’s chore.

A friend is finding this out and is becoming desperate with the demands on her and her time.

I’m sure on the way to the bus station she would have given you the pick up time for when the holiday was over, you did yourself a favour.

It’ll come out in the wash but there maybe a time You need a favour …Couldn’t they gave got a cab?

There's no way I could have agreed to give a lift at 7am as I need at least an hour to be safe to drive first thing in the morning.
We help our neighbours quite a lot, eg put their meds in our fridge when their electric meter cut out, mow their very tiny front lawn, OH helped with flat pack furniture, etc. It's always reciprocated as they water our garden if we're away, bought OH a crate of beer, bought us cakes and chocolates for doing the grass etc and we borrowed a cup of milk one Sunday night when we got home late lol.
If someone doesn't like you because you couldn't give a lift at 7am OP they have a problem not you. Remember they will need you before you need them. Best wishes xx

why am I made to feel the bad person here, for just saying no.

You aren’t being made to feel bad.
You’re choosing to react by feeling bad.
Get over it.

i too have suffered similar situations.\when I was ill a neighbour offered to do my shopping. Just bread and teabags was all I required..... the answer was..( Ill get those for you BUT I only go shopping on a Friday !! ) Sad to say my request was on a Monday!!! Have learnt from that!!