How would you deal with this?

Counselling can be a very useful thing but this worry expressed by the OP is not in the realm of a psychological issue.

The neighbour should have ordered a taxi the night before.

Husband being unreasonable and stubborn.

We contacted Hillary's Blinds to put a roof blinds in our conservatory. Since it was built in 2015, we managed with 4 blanket curtains as ceiling against the sun. Finally, husband said he's ready to spend for a decent roof blinds. We had to take down the blankets to enable the surveyor to measure and estimate the cost. We agreed with the 2,700 pounds quote. Problem is husband would not agree to Hillary's requirement of 50 % down, then 50 % on installation. So we are left with exposed roof as it's impossible to put back the old ones that kept on falling away anyway. I think he's being unreasonable. What do you think?

I am in a crafting group and so is one of our neighbours. One particular week she said she coolant get there the following week a her car was in for repair . I straight away said 'no worries, I will take you to craft group and afterwards I will drive you to collect you car. She took me up on my offer.........but now doesn't bother to speak to me at all - won't be volunteering again.

You could always say. It was awkward when you asked me to take you as it was early, and l find it very difficult with my body in the mornings it takes a while to get climatised. Achey bones etc.

no, don't make excuses.
don't assume you are in the wrong, OP.
it didn't suit you to do it, it wasn't an emergency, there were other options eg taxi, and she's got someone else to take her.
stop agonising about it.
you are making your life needlessly difficult.

If they can afford to go away they can afford a taxi.. don't give it another thought.. she probably hasn't now she's found someone else..

Personally I'd have taken them. But that's just me.

JasmineH You need to start a new discussion. Go back to the list of Forums, choose ‘Ask A Gran’ and you should see an orange panel on the left for ‘Start a new discussion’.

It was puerile and silly of her to say 'He's as good as gold', because that means she will now not eb able to ask you for anything else. If she saw the message, she has the social site it is on, and she could have called / sent msg by Facebook. It's like she thinks she has a divine right to have your services. She does not. So just limit yourself to a 'good fences make good neighbours' stuff.

Hi Atherinecca
I wrote a message to you but alas it didn't post.
I'll try again!
Just wanted to say you mustn't feel bad, you haven't done anything wrong.
Hold your head high and carry on as normal.
Good luck.

You haven't done anything wrong Relax

i think you are reading too much into the events. Life has moved on and so has she

I think you are putting your feelings of guilt onto her

It's ok to say no!

But you messaged to say that you felt awful

Then you asked and she replied

It's a bit of a self made situation

Next time, don't say you can't do something because it requires getting up a bit earlier, it's not the best message to send someone asking for a favour, just say "I am sorry, I can't do that day" and leave it there

I think I' d be please with myself for having made my boundaries respected. Taxi service is the obvious answer for most. I would settle down with a good book / tv programme to take my mind off it, and carry on as normal.When offering to help I often ask myself " Would they do the same for me?" If it' s a clear " no", I have my answer.

You are not in the wrong. I think it’s best to be independent as much as I can and I would certainly book a taxi if I needed to get somewhere. I am sure your next door neighbour has not lost any sleep over the situation. We live in a changed - more selfish society.

I was asked by a neighbour if I’d drive them to the airport. I said no as I’m nervous about driving. There was no rancour on their part.
Your neighbour is the churlish one, not you!
Try to put it out of your mind ( easier said than done , I know!)

I realise now just how lucky we are with neighbours. We live at the end of a cul de sac & we are the oldest ones who have been here 25 years. Next door we have a 40 year old couple (10 years here), and opposite us a middle aged couple with 2 teen girls (19 years here. We all help each other in so many ways and nobody has ever taken advantage. We have a great little animal holiday sitting service which is worth it's wait in gold. None of us have any plans to move!

*weight!!!!

I'm just putting myself in the position of someone who needed to be at a particular location in order to start a holiday - but couldn't get public transport to it, or drive to it.

I'd immediately decide to book a taxi - isn't that what most would do?

I cannot imagine asking a neighbour to get up at the crack of dawn to drive me to it! Or even if it wasn't the crack of dawn...

It's the sort of favour you might do for someone if the matter came up in the course of conversation and you wanted to do them this favour, but other than that, I think it was actually wrong of them to ask you.

I would give her a lift . 7am is not that early , especially in the summer months . To me 5am is early and I’d say sorry no .
I live in a small road and my neighbours are very friendly and helpful . Which makes a lovely comunity .
Your neighbours passive aggressive comment was uncalled for . And don’t give it headspace .

Who on earth asks a neighbour to give them a lift at 7am in the morning? I wouldn't dream of asking such a favour unless it was the utmost emergency. This was for a holiday so presumably the neighbour has had plenty of time to make sensible arrangements. Why couldn't she book a taxi like anyone normal? The OP clearly doesn't owe this woman a big favour, otherwise she'd have said so in her post.

6 years ago a very young couple bought house next door .A few days in they knocked on my door , naturally I invited them in . I realised with hindsite they were sussing me out . He was a young squaddie, often away . They seemed pleasant enough . I would put their bin inside the back gate each week as both working . When he came home on leave the parties started often 18 hrs of hell . They had to be reported to environmental health by myself and another attached neighbour . In the beginning I was helpful and neighbourly until the abusive behaviour started. The first husband moved out after 3 yrs and another moved in . Life is quieter but i won't take in parcels or bins again .

I agree 100% with what BigMamma said.

People will take advantage if you allow them. Once you do a favour they will guilt you into doing another one, and then another. Then it becomes a matter of "Ive asked everyone else and ..."

Meanwhile if you want to go somewhere there are things called taxis and they work at all hours including 6am.

I’ve found a way of dealing with requests like these OP (it’s taken me decades though).
I offer “something” - albeit not exactly what they have asked me for.
So I am not saying “no” to their request, but they probably won’t like what I am actually offering.
E.g. asking me can I drive 200 miles round trip at 9 in the morning with them. My reply is that I am committed until 3 p.m. and could do it then?
Can I help them at 11 a.m. for a few hours - I could come at 12.
Can I help someone today? - no but I could do it on Friday…
What I offer doesn't meet their needs, but I have at least offered them something and they aren’t offended.

When the neighbour says she has found someone to help, you could rehearse a reply something like “oh good, I’m glad you got it sorted / my arthritis is painful in the mornings these days, it’s frustrating that I can’t mobilise before xxx”.