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Funeral wear help please.

(72 Posts)
kittylester Sat 27-Jul-24 18:27:45

As some of you will know, DH's brother dies a week ago and I have a huge dilemma about what to wear.

Well, actually, I have no flipping idea.

DBiL had been ill for a while, so no one is in shock, his wife has Alzheimer's, we get on well with his daughter, not so well with his son.

We have been told that there is no dress 'code' and it is more about recalling a happy life than mourning his death.

The weather looks as though it will be warm.

I am thinking fine jersey or linen trousers in black - but what on my top half?

Help please.

Grandma70s Sat 27-Jul-24 18:38:01

A nice top in muted colours, not gaudy, but not black. I would tend to prefer long or 3/4 sleeves.

RosiesMaw2 Sat 27-Jul-24 18:43:40

White?
At my friend and next door neighbour’s funeral I wore black linen trousers, a cream T shirt and a cream/beige linen blazer, but I was struck by the choice of a teaching colleague- black trousers, white shirt/blouse and pale grey cashmere mix poncho (Woolovers) . Bare feet and smart black sandals.
She looked a million dollars, took the poncho off later and the shirt was lovely on its own.
Or you could go down the navy route?

LucyAnna2 Sat 27-Jul-24 18:48:39

If there is no dress code, then a top you already have that you like and feel comfortable in? A silky blouse? Difficult to say without knowing what you normally wear / your colouring, etc

Oreo Sat 27-Jul-24 18:52:52

White or cream would go well and look respectful to the occasion.

RosiesMaw2 Sat 27-Jul-24 18:53:48

This - it’s very fine and folds up into next to nothing.
A collared blouse or pussy bow or frill neck would look nice.

annsixty Sat 27-Jul-24 18:54:31

Black and white is lovely and very smart.
Black trousers and a white shirt as Maw says would be my choice.
With pearls or gold jewellery.

RosiesMaw2 Sat 27-Jul-24 18:58:43

Especially pearls.

GrannyGravy13 Sat 27-Jul-24 19:02:50

RosiesMaw2

This - it’s very fine and folds up into next to nothing.
A collared blouse or pussy bow or frill neck would look nice.

I have a similar one from The White Company, have had so many wears definitely worth the money.

Celieanne86 Sat 27-Jul-24 19:05:06

As a retired funeral director I’ve seen it all including flip flops but if there has been no special request by the family the most popular outfit which I myself wear if attending a funeral now is black or grey trousers or skirt type depending on the weather, white or cream top, and a jacket to match the trousers or skirt. The advantage of this outfit is that is usually something you already have in your wardrobe although I have over the years loaned a jacket. I dressed like this with a skirt for my husbands funeral and the top I chose was white lace with short sleeves and it was much admired.

Jaxjacky Sat 27-Jul-24 19:18:29

As it’s going to be warm kitty I’d wear a loose light coloured plain top, long sleeved if you have one, being hot and sticky won’t be pleasant, neutral or black sandals.
I hope the day passes as well as it can.

M0nica Sat 27-Jul-24 19:24:42

Leave it to the day of the funeral, when you know what the weather will be, and then choose an outfit from your current wardrobe in muted colours.

i have noticed in funerals I have attended recently, fewer and fewer people wearing black, mostly just wearing ordinary day clothes.

Cabbie21 Sat 27-Jul-24 19:55:51

I agree with MOnica. At the last three funerals I have attended, people have worn ordinary clothes, nothing that shouts ‘ funeral’, often navy, or other plain colours. Even a red coat.

Allsorts Sat 27-Jul-24 20:03:28

I wear black skirt or trousers and a white shirt, with either a black or grey jacket. That is unless the deceased has requested bright colours, but i still like dark trousers and a bright silk shirt and jacket.

Norah Sat 27-Jul-24 20:10:19

Black trousers, white blouse, lovely black jacket (weather permitting) - my normal if I'm not in jeans. Perhaps lovely pearls.

Primrose53 Sat 27-Jul-24 20:20:37

I went to 2 funerals last week. Both requested no black and bright colours preferred.
To one I wore a new tunic top in white linen with a lovely fresh design. Wore it with white linen trousers and gold birkenstock type sandals.
The second one I wore a multicoloured wrap over dress and took a cashmere pashmina in case it turned cool.

fancythat Sat 27-Jul-24 21:29:26

Depends on what your local area does, is how it works here.
Around here, black for mourners, grey/dark colours for those others who were close, rest, more relaxed, sort of.

Another area 20 or 50 miles away, not so much black.

When bright colours is prefered, I have noticed most family still opt for black, others wear a bright scarf/brighter top/brighter bag type thing.

cornergran Sat 27-Jul-24 21:46:56

kitty I’m not sure it matters too much what you wear, just that you are there for the family and your husband. Don’t worry about other people. If I think of ‘important’ losses in my life I haven’t a clue what others wore to their funeral.

You’ve decided on the trousers, you’re half way there, why not simply pick a top you have already and are comfortable in.

This may not be relevant to you but in the past I’ve worn something (often quite old) that reminded me of happy times I’d spent with the person who had died.

Please don’t fret about clothes. I hope the day goes as well as it can.

LauraNorderr Sat 27-Jul-24 21:56:29

Lovely advice from cornergran.
I echo her sentiments.

JudyBloom Sat 27-Jul-24 22:35:49

Black, scarlet and purple are traditional mourning colours, which could be incorporated into any style to suit the funeral.

Ziplok Sat 27-Jul-24 22:37:50

At my SiL’s funeral we were asked to wear anything pastel, because she loved pastel colours, so although my trousers were black, my top was a mixture of pastel colours and the coat I wore was a camel colour. This was a winter time funeral, but you can adapt to the seasons by adjusting the weight of the materials you wear and whether a coat or a light weight jacket /cardigan would be more appropriate. (I must stress that I did not go out and buy anything extra - I had these items in my wardrobe).
I would suggest, in the circumstances you describe, wearing something muted but what you would be comfortable wearing - I’ve no doubt that you probably have something in your wardrobe already, without you having to go to the expense of buying new.
It’s looking as if next week is going to be warm, so choose something cool, but neutral, and remember, as the family has said, it’s remembering a life lived rather than a life passed, so if you knew him and knew what he liked, go with that.
I don’t know your colouring, but for tops, you could think about lilac shades, pale pink shades, creams, a combination of them? A light weight scarf can also add a splash of neutral colour.
Linen, if you have it, is a cool choice (but can crease, so a linen mix might be better)..
Condolences to you, and I hope you find the posts here helpful 💐.

Tuaim Sat 27-Jul-24 22:53:53

Something which blends into the background. There are some lovely suggestions. I went to a funeral recently in a subdued blue smart dress and comfortable shoes. Why not have a couple of ideas and, as M0nica says, see what the weather is doing on the day.

Bonnybanko Sat 27-Jul-24 22:59:33

My God loves me whatever I wear

Deedaa Sat 27-Jul-24 23:23:20

I went to a funeral last week. I wasn't sure what people would be wearing so I chose black linen trousers, with a black top and a cream linen jacket. In fact most of the women were wearing colourful summer dresses.

biglouis Sun 28-Jul-24 00:10:08

You would be surprised how many of my customers collect Victorian mourning jewellery! I recently posted 3 pairs of jet dangle earrings and they were gone in days.

There were a couple of funerals in my wider family last year. I didnt go as they were in Liverpool (being a non driver is an excellent excuse) but my young great nieces and nephews wore their normal jeans and hoodies.

I dont think younger people consider it at all necessary to wear "special" clothes for funerals. Most people I know would just wear their normal clothese they were comfortable in and would certainly not buy a special outfit.