Funeral wear help please.

A friend was known for her colourful clothing. Sadly she died in her fifties, funeral on a rainy day. I wore a black mac with a rainbow scarf invisible under it. Then I met a mutual friend in a dark suit with a brightly coloured tie. Time to let my bright scarf emerge. For once the cliché was applicable - it really was what my dear friend would have wanted.

Brown and beige/cream is a good combination, restrained but not too sombre.
I have attended two funerals for dear friends whose death was not unexpected but far too soon, wore bright colours as instructed but felt most uncomfortable because we were all grieving.

If anyone wears black at my funeral I’ll turn in my grave … except I m being (no fuss) cremated 🙄
I think it’s a dull and depressing tradition
I rarely go to funerals well last ones I went to was my mum and dad 12 years ago I can’t remember what I wore but it wouldnt have been black I have a small family and all my cousins were older than me so long gone
But that’s me and doesn’t answer your question just wear something that you’re comfortable in and look clean and tidy if no dress code has been attributed and you aren’t sure your family have said it’s not about mourning but celebrating …that’s your clue would you celebrate wearing blavk or dark colours ?
My two closest friends have arranged for their bodies to go to science so no funeral I m going for a no frills cremation with a meal afterwards there will only be close family (anyway 2 out of 3 of my children and their families are overseas) I seem to have outlived everyone else that matters
I ll slip out as I slipped in with no big fanfare I hope you ll all raise a glass to me 🍷

I don't think younger people consider it at all necessary to wear "special" clothes for funerals. Most people I know would just wear their normal clothese they were comfortable in and would certainly not buy a special outfit
While I agree with being comfortable in what you are wearing, this has not been my experience. Or perhaps even the young still feel more comfortable in more formal dark clothes.
A young man (the nephew of friends) committed suicide at the age of 20. Tragic. The majority of the mourners and there were hundreds, the church was full, were probably his age .certainly generation and I was moved at the sea of black moving slowly down the village road from the church to our friends house and garden after his funeral. It seemed so incongruous for so many young people to be in mourning but their choice.
At my D’s MIL’s funeral (secular) at a lovely woodland burial ground a couple of years ago I got the instruction “not black” so I wore a navy jacket and beige linen trousers. Hmm. With the exception of the close family (mostly in variations of navy) everybody was in black!
However, kittylester this is your (or DH’s) family so you can set the tone.
I hope you find something in your wardrobe or if necessary in a shop in which you feel comfortable in every sense.
LBD?

Thank you all for your lovely advice.

I have a pale pink linen mix jacket which I can wear over a white t shirt.

Also, I just happened to spot a nice black mix long blouse in White stuff.

I must buck the trend. Mu funeral attire is a black jacket with black trousers, a red top and red shoes.

Sorry to hear about your brother in law Kitty.

Your choice of outfit sounds just right.

What the last few months have taught me however, is that I need to have a Summer and Winter “funeral” outfit in the wardrobe. Never felt the need before but I can understand Mum’ “funeral” coat of years gone by.

We're going to the funeral of a friend next week and were told black not necessary. I will probably wear navy and cream, loose trousers, cream top, navy jacket if needed but I think it's going to be hot. Generally I'd wear back but have nothing cool enough.

We missed the request to wear something bright to a friend's funeral a couple of years ago and wore black but at least I was wearing my red poppy scarf.

A funeral coat is a really easy solution isn't it? I have one but haven't worn it for ages as there are now lots of different requests for meaningful colours. Makes life quite complicated.

A funeral coat is not much use at summer funerals.

kittylester

A funeral coat is a really easy solution isn't it? I have one but haven't worn it for ages as there are now lots of different requests for meaningful colours. Makes life quite complicated.

Oh Lordy!

Tuesday's temperature is going to be 29C, feels like 30C!!
I might have to rummage around in the wardrobe for a skirt.

I like to ask about suitable clothing if I've been invited to a funeral but for my own funeral I want people to wear bright colours and remember happy times.

I’m heartened at reading that so many people wear trousers to funerals. I’ve always thought it ‘not done’ so a v welcome eye-opener. Like Rosie’s Maw I’ve been surprised at the amount of black at a summer funeral recently. Women in their 50s in black suits and tights rather like formal office wear in banks etc. Winterwhite in navy skirt and jacket with blue and white blouse feeling very frumpish.

Others are right kitty. Nothing matters so long as you’re there.

www.coop.co.uk/funeralcare/advice/what-to-wear-at-a-funeral#

Cabbie21

I agree with MOnica. At the last three funerals I have attended, people have worn ordinary clothes, nothing that shouts ‘ funeral’, often navy, or other plain colours. Even a red coat.

Same. And at the last, there was actually a request to wear something colourful.

M0nica

A funeral coat is not much use at summer funerals.

It can be in Scotland- where we lived!

Last week I bought a navy linen dress and friend commented that's useful if you have a funeral to attend. I do have a black coat for winter funerals.

M0nica

A funeral coat is not much use at summer funerals.

Quite, Monica.

In my opinion, people should dress in formal wear at a funeral. A sense if occasion, mark of respect should be reflected in what you wear. It's a solemn occasion. There is a common theme of asking people to dress in bright colours nowadays - where on earth has this come from?

My BIL died early this year,and as he hated getting dressed up and lived in jeans,casual wear was requested.
Most people turned up in jeans.

A black top with a colour design?

Freshair

In my opinion, people should dress in formal wear at a funeral. A sense if occasion, mark of respect should be reflected in what you wear. It's a solemn occasion. There is a common theme of asking people to dress in bright colours nowadays - where on earth has this come from?

If the deceased or family request that mourners wear something ther than black, should we not respect that?

I think so Calli.

Freshair

In my opinion, people should dress in formal wear at a funeral. A sense if occasion, mark of respect should be reflected in what you wear. It's a solemn occasion. There is a common theme of asking people to dress in bright colours nowadays - where on earth has this come from?

Times change and fashion and customs change. In the late 1800s, you dressed in black for years, even for distant relations. In my childhood men wore a black armband to mark a close bereavement, often for months.

In the 21st century we do things differently, not better, not worse, just differently. Marking grief by dressing in black is no longer necessary, it is optional. I would also question why a funeral should be seen as a somen occasion.

A funeral is undoubtedly a sad occasion. Someone who those present have loved, or been fond or had them in their life in some benevolent way, such that their death causes them regret. and they wish to present at that final event that marks the end of their life.

But afterwards, most funeral's end with what we now call a Wake, a gathering at a local pub or restaurant for refreshments when we start to remember and talk about the deceased, remember them in their glory and laugh at shared memories.

This is the modern interpretation of funerals and after. As I said, not better, not worse but what best accords with the people we are now and the society we live in.