Expectations and obligations?

pascal30

biglouis

I think it depends very much on the individual and the relationship you had with your parents or grown children.

I dont have any children or grandchildren so I have no right to expect anyone to put their own life on hold in order to help me out. I pay a gardner, a cleaner and a handyperson.

I would prefer to cut my throat with a rusty saw rather than lose my independence and go into some horrendous care home. When I can no longer manage the basics of looking after myself I prefer to end my life painlessly.

Although I wouldn't use the same method Biglouis I completely agree about not going into a care home, and fortunately it will be my decision...

Me too, no way would I end up in a care home (UNLESS it's the one my SIL works in, but it's an expensive one & ASC wouldn't pay for it, lol)

I've actually had enough now, but my mum is still living. I'd like to follow my daughter into oblivion as what I have is no life, it's merely an existence; I seem to have been abandoned by everyone lately and I'm not sure I can face another winter with no heating?

*BigLouis, I wouldn't recommend cutting your throat, lol, I intend to use my current medication and just drift off to sleep ...

MadeinYorkshire [ flowers] 🌺

Gosh MadeInYorkshire.

Odd how you can get the wrong impression of someone's life by occasionally seeing someone's posts.

Would starting a thread yourself, help at all?

Please don’t “rubbish” all care homes.When I retired I became a Lay Inspector for care homes.Unpaid.
There are some really good homes out there and as Inspectors we reported on all .Good and bad.
Dust on fruit was a problem !
Google the home you are interested in and ask to see the inspection results.
Good luck!
Barbarax

I have probably said this before, but my mum had a new lease of life in a care home. She has six really good months there before she became ill and died in hospital.

BigLouis, I wouldn't recommend cutting your throat, lol, I intend to use my current medication and just drift off to sleep

I have enough barbiturates to kill me several times over. My decision when I am in too much pain to make it worth continuing. I would not ask anyone to assist me.

My AC and I have a close relationship but one that comes with respect and distance. I live too far to `pop in` and so do they. Poa is set up and I saved long and hard to ensure my own care if needed, maintaining my independent spirit, truly not being a burden to them

The best you can do with the AC is to set them free, to take away obligations. My obligation is to myself, to maintain my very good health, strength and fitness and to remain happy just living in the moment. No `what ifs` to weigh me down and none to weigh my AC down

No one is responsible for another person unless they choose to be. I have 'kept an eye' on my dad & stepmum.for 12 years, the last 10 just my step mum. And the older she gets, 90yes now, the more I do. I do this because I love her and I want to. My step siblings live 30m ,& 200m away, they can't be there at the drop of a hat. My eldest sister and her daughter care for my mum, 96yrs, as she still lives on her own and they live round the corner, I live 200m away. I'm pretty sure my sister does this because 'she should, what would people say if I didnt' and not because she actually really cares about her, and sadly my mum cared for her mum for the same reason! If she lived near me I would look out for her only because she's my mum and I would feel an obligation.. Everyone does what they're comfortable with I guess.

Glad to see this topic came up as it resonates with my situation - caring for my 89 yr old mum. My mum's expectations are higher then I can meet and it is leaving my mum miserable and demanding. I take her shopping, doctors, family parties etc but it's not enough. This summer has been particularly difficult, looking after grandchildren and taking them on holiday while she feels I should be taking her out.