family preparing a big party

DH and I have just had a significant wedding anniversary. No visitors, just a couple of cards. He is recovering from major surgery and far too ill to celebrate anything. At least others on this thread have the opportunity for parties or trips. We would give a lot for that.
For those who don’t like parties etc it’s just a few hours of your life to be with those who care about you. Don’t get stuck in a rut but break the mould. As my SIL would say “get up, dress up and show up.”

Tell them it's nice of them to think of you but you really don't want a party and that you won't be happy if they organise one.
Suggest something you would really love to do instead.
Mine did a surprise party for my 60th, although all went well it's not my thing.
I'll be 70 in December and they've been told already. no surprise party and I'll keep on telling them.

Franbern

Think it is really wonderful when adult children care so much for their parents, that they plan (and pay) for a party to celebrate important anniversaries for them. Really cannot understand anyone saying they were upset or angry about it.

If people want to make their own arrangements for these special dates, then why do not they just go ahead and do it.

I was 80years old, just as lockdown was starting to finish. Having been so isolated from my family over that past 12-18 months, all I had wanted was to get together with my adult children and their families.

On the day, I was just told to be ready early in the morning by the daughter who lives near me. Then was driven some considerable way to a lovely pub on a river which had a large outside area, but part of that also covered pod.

On arrival at about midday, ALL my children, and their families, all eight of my g.children were there and even my own meal had been pre-ordered. One of my daughters had made a wonderful cake. I could not have had anything better.

It had been difficult for them to make those arrangements at that time, not knowing if it would be have been permitted to go ahead or not, not knowing what the weather would do (turned out to be one of hottest days of the year), all having to come from different places in the country. I appreciate those efforts so very much.

Franbern ,
How wonderful that must of been & what wonderful memories were made .
My last big ie significant birthday , was celebrated with my adult children arranging a surprise weekend away just them & me , with dinner, theatre & afternoon tea booked during the wkend . It was lovely to spend that time , though it went far to fast .😘

I suppose this thread just goes to show how different we all are!

I would not choose to celebrate my birthday going away with my 5 (very different) adult children (minus their families) and without my husband (whilst we still have each other), any more than have a big party!

A big family meal (or a picnic) would be lovely though. We do this now and then and it works well for us.

We’ve just come back from celebrating my BIG birthday at a cottage in Wales. It was really lovely . For once, my daughter and my middle son did not bicker 😂. The little cousins got to play together and it was wonderful. 😍

We are going to stay in cottages in Wales next year crazyH - and I'm looking forward to that.
Unfortunately we couldn't find a big enough house in the area we want to be - as we needed to sleep 20 and a dog without being squashed in - but it does mean my mother-in-law will be able to come too.

When we all went to Italy a few years ago we had more choice - and had our own pool too.

I'm glad you had a lovely time.
Happy birthday! 🎉

You need to speak up Bingbangboom before it’s too late.

Let us know how you get on, and what you decide to do instead.

I went through this some years ago .
I really wanted a dance party, but one of my daughters wanted a weekend away -and that's what we did !
If you don't want a big party and would prefer a trip then tell them nicely as soon as you can .
Get some brochures and show them where your dream holiday is .
If a party is important to them - say let's have it on the trip !
Hopefully , they listen to you !
Anyway , have fun and enjoy however you celebrate it !

I wouldn't be able to grit my teeth and put up with a party, so I'd probably bottle it up, growing more and more resentful, until I caused an argument or something.

Although it’s your birthday, your family clearly want to celebrate the event with you.

Why not do both? Let them give you a party and enjoy your day with you and then go away with your DH? X

You need to tell them before things get ut of hand.

I have just booked a local venue for my 80th next year! The AC know about it and will help with decorations etc. but it's our responsibility.

Ha ha, MissAdventure.
I was so angry with my 5

It was too late to cancel so I did go to it... mainly for my husband's sake (who is more generous than I am - though he didn't want it either.)
My husband was more forgiving of our children too - and we were both aware of the fact that people we like were kindly travelling some distance to celebrate with us.

But I do know they would absolutely never do it again!

Why they thought it a good idea still defeats me!
One said, "we thought you'd like it once you were there" 🙄
I know they were "egged on" by friends - theirs and ours - who all thought it would be fabulous!

NotAGran55

You need to speak up Bingbangboom before it’s too late.

Let us know how you get on, and what you decide to do instead.

Absolutely!

I would love someone to arrange a big party for me I am usually the one who does it for everyone else even the dogs

Why would you be cross and upset, our children bought us tickets on the Orient Express for our Ruby wedding and we were over the moon. For my 60th birthday they bought us a holiday in Barcelona, and for my husband's 60th, they bought him a brand new Dell Desktop system.

I am grateful for everything they did and still do for me even though their dad is no longer alive and there is no way I would have been cross with them, we were over the moon. Even if they organised for me to do a parachute jump, I would be there with bells on.

Why would you be cross and upset?

Why would you enjoy it?
We are all different!

I can't think of many things I'd enjoy less than a big party, with me as the "star" of it.

I like to slob around in my slippers, eat cheese sarnies, and watch gogglebox.

My AC both know that I would not like a big party under any circumstances - anniversaries and birthdays have been enjoyed with AC and GC over the years. We all agree that the extra expense involved in a big party is better donated to charity.

Exactly as Tuaim says!

Bingbangboom - there’s plenty of time. Why don’t you tell them you’d rather just go with the family to an ‘interesting place’ (so many to choose from). It will probably be more expensive than a party, but perhaps you could could contribute to it. Good luck !

NotSpaghetti

^Why would you be cross and upset?^

Why would you enjoy it?
We are all different!

Why wouldn't I enjoy it. I feel sorry for people who have no sense of appreciation of what their family wants to do for them. It is like kicking kindness back in their faces.

I'd like to assume that my preferences would be respected in whatever my family decided for me.

NotSpaghetti

I would say so ASAP.

My children organised a big party for a significant wedding anniversary and I was really cross and upset.

I didn't know till a few days before when I became suspicious.

Why do they do this?

Because they're trying to be nice!

It's the equivalent of buying someone a rare, expensive pet rat/spider/snake, I think.
For a birthday surprise to work, the recipient has to actually like what's on offer.

Some people do not like parties.