My friend drains me

Some time ago I ceased seeing someone who was totally self-obsessed and who talked so incessantly that I simply couldn't get a word in. (Not even to make the odd comment of acknowledgement.) Eventually I realised that she wanted an audience and not a conversation, so I stopped seeing her. I have never regretted this decision.

My neighbour/friend from upstairs barely speaks to me these days, and has proved to be rather nasty, so I'm relieved, although a bit sad that 30 odd years has been discarded, along with me.

So, don't put up with a "drain" as long as I did, is my thought on the subject.

I know several people like this, some of whom are my relatives!
I don't think you should just sit there and listen.
Maybe she writes about her friend who comes to see her but never says anything, so she has to make conversation!
I suggest getting out for a short walk if you can (maybe she isn't mobile enough?), it will make you feel better at least.
I think taking her out is the answer- if she refuses then slowly ease away from her company until you feel you can go back.
You shouldn't feel you have to spend time with people who drain you, but you need to ask why you keep going. Loyalty? Pity? A sense of being virtuous? None of these are a sign of friendship so encourage her to get out of herself more- suggest groups she could attend etc and then you will feel you have helped her, instead of just being that person you seem to have become.
She may not be so dependent on you as you believe her to be.

You need to interrupt her at intervals and say or do what you want to say or do. You can interrupt to comment on something she said, or to introduce a new topic. It seems she talks without the usual pauses to let the other person say something. If so you will need to talk while she is speaking. This is normally impolite but if she wants to keep your companionship she will have to let her companion take her turn to say something.

Speaking for myself, I find some people's 'sense of humour' boring ,or facile or occasionally cruel.

Babs03

Thing is I sometimes wonder, do I come across as tedious to others?
Food for thought.



If you have the self-awareness that allows you to question it - then I doubt you're tedious to others!

Isn't it a lack of self-awareness and the inability to engage with others, perhaps with a dash of self-absorption, that causes people to drone-on?

I tend to get a bit carried away on certain topics during conversation - but can immediately pick up on the glazed-eye or nodding agreement and disengagement of others - when people stay quiet and just listen, I know I've become a bore!

I think the worst - the most draining experience, is when you are held captive by a complete stranger, on public transport or maybe in a hospital / surgery waiting-room, and that individual decides to regale you with their life-story with numerous references to family members and their various crises. Especially if you are absorbed with your own thoughts and worries. At least with friends and acquaintances you have some control over when you meet up with them and can prepare.

Deadwood