I don't often post on here but I do read and have found it helpful sometimes to hear other people's experiences and perspectives on things, so I'm hoping I might get some inspiration on how to cope with my current turmoil.
For background, nearly two years ago, after years and years of mental health problems, one of my beloved daughters took her own life. I could not begin to describe the absolute trauma and devastation her death has caused to our family on so many levels. We are a close family and my husband and I and my other adult children have supported each other as best we could through this truly horrendous time. I don't expect ever to get over this tragedy, but in the last few weeks, I feel I have at last been able to come up for air a little and to start to recapture the threads of my life.
But now another bombshell. My youngest daughter, mother to my adored only grandchild, aged 3, has told me that her partner has been really emotionally abusive to her for a long time, she has tried her hardest to make the relationship work but now feels she has no choice but to leave him. She has kept this hidden from us all as she did not want to further distress us.
I am so very sad, sorry and disappointed for her and I know I must be strong and support her however I can - this is not about me. But. I am absolutely devastated and sick with worry. I am heartbroken that my little grandchild is facing this disruption and insecurity and I'm so scared for how my daughter will cope with all the responsibility, hard work and loneliness of single parenthood. I know also that her dad and I will need to be much more involved in a practical and emotionally supportive way than we currently are. It just feels like my resources are at an all time low and I don't have the strength to cope with so much more sadness.
So, I just wondered, any advice, any motivation, any ways of getting through when you feel so overwhelmed in life?
Life is dealing you a terrible hand just now, Tigerpaws. It is not selfish to take some time for yourself in order to give your mind a little break from these overwhelming emotions. Try to sleep, get outside for a gentle walk or treat yourself in some way. The situation will be still there when you get back to it, but you will be in a stronger place to carry on. Take care.💐
So,so sorry about losing your daughter in such tragic circumstances. And now to have further worry. No wonder you feel overwhelmed.
Our DD has just decided enough enough in her relationship with her partner and father of our two grandchildren 8 and 5.And whilst not physically abusive he has been emotionally abusive,eroded her confidence and we've seen her become increasingly unhappy.So not a great shock they are splitting, and tbh a relief as she has the rest of her life to live and deserves happiness.But of course we are so worried about the children,our DGS is having accidents and won't sleep in his own bed and our DGD is noticeably clingy.But ultimately I believe they will be better than in a household without all the tension. I think it was on GN a while ago I saw this wise saying - better to come from a broken home than live in one.
We are also worried about the financial implications as he's useless with money and being
awkward already.
Just take it a day at a time and try to take some time out for yourself.Find something you enjoy even if it's a little thing - yesterday I just took myself to a cafe and read my book with a coffee and cake for an hour as I was in worry mode.Wishing you very strength and ultimately peace of mind.
Tigerpaws, I am so very sorry about your daughter taking her own life, it must be the hardest thing to bear but you have managed to get through the last two years. Your youngest daughter needs you to back her now in her decision to leave the emotional abusive marriage, that is to her credit. It’s no good staying in an abusive relationship as her child will pick up on the atmosphere. She is stronger than you think and so are you, she has obviously thought everything through.. Do something each day just for you, a walk for example on your own clears your mind for a while. Chat with a friend, there's no need for it to be about your daughter.
Thank you all so much for your kind and compassionate responses. I try not to impose my feelings too much on others in "real life" (everyone has their own problems to deal with I know) but last night I really did feel overwhelmed with worry and sadness and needed to let it out. When your worst fears have been realised, it is hard not to catastrophize every new problem that arises. I reached out to strangers on the internet and feel I was responded to by friends
I really appreciate your empathy and advice, regarding both taking care of myself and on my daughter's situation. Some of you seem to have knowledge and/or experience of abusive relationships and the effects they have on both mother and child, and conversely, it was reassuring to hear of the benefits there can be to leaving.
I would a million times rather my daughter's relationship had been all she had hoped it would be and that she could have had a happy family with him, but, through no fault of her own, that is not to be. I am proud that she has the strength and determination to look for a better life for herself and her child. Comments on here have given me a fresh perspective and a hope that things will be alright. I'll try to focus on her lead and support her in whatever way is best for her.
Thanks again. Your support has meant more than you would know.
To lose a child is about the worst that can be imagined, and a loss of the kind you have had must be the hardest to bear. I can find no words. My DD divorced years ago in the most traumatic of circumstances and we could not imagine her life ever improving. It has, and she and our much loved GC have a happier life now than they could ever have had with her ex. Time slowly unravelled the upset, confusion and the struggles, and we have survived. Take heart. xx
Tiger, glad you feel a bit better, wishing you and your daughter well. Come back anytime if you want to chat.
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