Who do you turn to?

Oh henetha! No - no one is a waste of space.

If your family knew this is what you were thinking they'd certainly tell you the same and take that feeling away from you.
I feel so sad for you after reading your post.
There are so many kind people on here so do reach out to them - might help you to feel better.

Thank you so much, blue14. But I do feel useless these days. I liked it when I could work, or volunteer, or be a hands on Nan to my 4 grandchildren who are all grown up now. I can't do anything much now due to mobility issues. And I loathe this time of year. Please excuse me, I'm just in a bad place at the moment and feeling sorry for myself. I will try and count my blessings and pull myself together.

I estimate that I spend 90% of my time alone. My DH is in a care home and friends/neighbours have either died, moved or go to work.

I live in a very cliquey village who do not need or want newbies. We have helped others before, but no one seems to care now. I think the pandemic changed a lot of things for me.

My only salvation is being able to drive, but going to places on my own is not great so I do not bother except for the necessities.

I have joined groups in the past, but have not made any friends there.

I do worry about who to call upon and wonder how long it would take before anyone realised I was not up and about. It is very depressing.

I'm 59, never married, no kids by choice and live alone, I have absolutely no family of any sort so am completely alone and that's how I prefer it, I work full-time ... I'm back to work on the 28th October after 3 week off because of a bug ... and I drive and am totally independent but I have got a couple of really good neighbours who have agreed to help in emergences and I'll help them, both have spare keys to my house just in case. I've got plans 1 2 and 3!

Luckygirl3
‘But what no one can replace is the day to day presence of another human being - one for whom you are the centre of their lives and with whom you have shared countless important experiences. Someone to bring you a cup of tea, to ask how you are feeling, to share cryptic comments about rubbish TV programmes, to plan the next meal and the next holiday with, to chat over the washing up, to hold hands with .........I have lots of people who love me, but the impact of me dying would hurt for a while, then they would soon move on. It is a very different experience from being part of a close couple - I feel adrift. But you have to "suck it up" as they say - what else can you do?’
Just how I feel most days despite my youngest daughter and family living 5 minutes away. She is amazing and has done so much for me since the Big Op, but no amount of family care and love replaces being the centre of someone’s life. Being unconditionally loved, first by parents and then the husband is something of the past and I miss it, so much.

I have DH so we help each other and one daughter 10 mins away and another an hour and a half away. At the moment we are the ones they turn to.

I moved 50 miles to be nearer my Son sometime after my Husband died. Son asked me to, as he thought it would be difficult to help if I were ill, or needed to get to appointments .
It has worked out OK and I get to see them most days.

Them being Son and DIL

I can relate to you luckygirl
I miss him .
However, you just get on with it don't you.

I have a lodger and I hope we would help eachother in a dire emergency.

I've lived in this small Scottish town for over 40years so I know a lot of people. I also belong to several groups which keep me busy.

My church, U3A , art association and the 2 community ventures where I volunteer each week are my main social life. During lockdown and when DH was shielded, the community store delivered us food and necessities.

People were really kind to us.
My DC are rather scattered so we don't see eachother regularly but I can call on them if needed.

Henetha you shouldn't feel like that.
Remember that people like to feel useful and it gives them pleasure to be needed. Truly.

I live alone, and have no friends or relatives living close to me. I have no children. I can message or phone friends or cousins - but they could not get to me without several hours of travel. However both they and myself are fairly resourceful and would organise something in an emergency.

Thank you Grammaretto. I'm trying to overcome these negative feelings at present.
I'm lucky compared to you, CBBL. Most of my family are within a few miles. You do sound isolated, so it's good that you are resourceful. Best wishes.