Dilemma on whether to buy G/C birthday and Christmas presents.

Do you text the family, do you phone them, do you make contact at all, you are on line, so you can what's App, Skype or whatever you prefer, the children will be on their phones all the time, so will chat to you on there too.

win

62Granny

I don't want to sound unkind, but you need to be proactive in this and take the bull by the horns.
Arrange a day either a few days before or after for everyone to visit. E.g the Sunday before or boxing day. Say you are having a special tea and you would like everyone to attend and they can have their Xmas gifts then. Give them plenty of notice of the date so nothing else is arranged on that day.
When they come do you engage with them ,ask them about school , their friends, hobbies, try and listen to their answers ready for next time. Tell them about what you used to do with their parents when they were little. Try and not be too doom and gloom make sure your husband is on board with the arrangements .
It can't be very nice for them when they visit if all they see is two people who have been stuck in the house because they are in pain and depressed.
Sort your pain medication and management out with your GP. Get your husband to sort his depression out with his doctor. You want things to change, make it. Hopefully everyone enjoys and it can become a thing at other times throughout the year.

This is my take own the situation. There are loads of us who are in constant severe pain, but you cannot let that stop you living to a degree. It affects everything we do, but we do it with the help of strong medication. It makes us drowsy and we hate taking it, but we do so we can have the best life possible.
You children probably do not visit because I would imagine that is all you talk about, they may have had enough of it all. I am not saying I agree with their take, but I do agree that YOU and YOUR HUSBAND need to be proactive with your own health, your own shopping (on line shopping/home deliveries) you can use the phone for that and with your visits between the families. Once the children and grandchildren realise you are doing something about the situation, I am sure they will too.

You have a totally wrong take on the situation.
Always have done our own shopping , never ask for help with anything except on the odd occasion that hubby has been hospitalised and I have nothing in that I can eat .
( I'm on a very restricted diet and need fresh food getting ) I am on the strongest medications that GP can prescribe but still in severe pain but rarely talk to my A/C about it . I always ask my A/C about their lives and speak to my G/C about what they have been doing, ask them about their friends etc . No self pity here .
So my children know we do everything on our own without asking for help from anyone. I have hobbies that help pass the time , I make handmade greeting cards , do jigsaw puzzles , I love a good book to read and make crystal art pictures. The problem is I'm housebound but my A/C can't accept this .

"When I do see my little G/S's they chatter away to us none stop ! Myself and hubby are never doom and gloom, we always put on brave faces and perhaps that's the problem, we hide our health issues . The boys love seeing us and don't want to go home , they know they are loved, I tell them every time I see them". The answer has been given to you and you didn't realize it. Those little grandson's are worth every effort! It is a shame your son and daughter in law are so uncaring and your adult daughter as well. It is completely their fault and if you were to punish the grandkids for what the parents do to you, you would just be handing them yet another reason to shun you and perhaps convince the grandkids not to bother at all with you, or that you are a bad grandparent.

No, if the grandkids show you love, give it back. They will always remember going to grandma and grandpas house, the gifts, the love you show, perhaps a nice meal, some treats, etc. the whole wonderful experience. Don't let your selfish adult children ruin what you have in those grandkids. Enjoy and spoil them, they grow up so fast.

I to am in pain a lot, but don’t talk about it, always ask how they are. With pain killers, mobility aids you almost always get out. Enquire about them, ask what they have been doing, buy your 13 yr old a treat when she comes round. Send them a whats app message and tell the odd joke, make seeing you fun. Ask their interests and of course buy them Christmas and birthdays presents, you can stop at 21 if you want. I don't see mine often as they are grown up but will continue to buy them until i go. They mean the world to me.