When you got married did you save escape money ?

That's the way to do it!

We always had joint accounts, didn’t occur to us not to, until I became self employed and needed an independent account. No matter where it is lodged it’s all ‘our’ money, just the way we are.

My Mum advised keeping a cash emergency fund for household emergencies or as she put it a need for new knickers. It’s been useful over the years, we still have a ‘just in case’ amount of cash. Have never needed it for knickers though .

Yes I did and we kept all our finances separate , no joint accounts. I have always had my own money and savings. When we moved house after marrying, I found out what a low threshold he had for stress. I kept a packed bag in the boot of my car. I still have it.

We kept our separate accounts when we married and only opened a joint savings account when an insurance claim payout came in joint names so it was the easiest way to pay in the cheque. When I found out about his affair and we broke up, one of the first things he did was clear that account out! I didn't have an escape fund but in the end it was him who left. If I'd need money my mum would have helped. She kept offering me money but I told her not to give me anything untl after the divorce so he wouldn't get his hands on it!

My mum told me to always have a little stash of money just in case I needed to get away. I obeyed her and always had a few quid in the back of my purse so I never had to ask my husband for every penny. We’ve now been married 55 years and I have the most generous husband so I’ve stopped doing it now.

Never thought about it at all and have never needed it thank goodness.
I have two friends who always worked to be able to save their own money in case their marriages fell apart. They never did but they still keep their own money apart. Not particularly happy marriages but have stuck with it.

My Ma and I called it "knicker money" for a rainy day.

Initially mine was not a running-away fund but one for a breast reduction operation once I'd saved enough. DH knew nothing about it as I was too embarrassed to tell him. As the children came along we didn't have enough to save anything at all and by the time I could afford the surgery I was too old to risk the anaesthetic, so it got incorporated into our joint finances.

DH was not useful with money. Not that either of us was at all extravagant, he just wasn't any good at paying bills when they were due or working out whether we had enough from month to month. He was happy to leave the job all to me. Initially we had just a joint account (which I managed till I got fed up of the responsibility, passed the job to him and found us in overdraft within a month!) but when I worked part-time when the children were small I had a separate account. It was needed for my tax return as I was self-employed.

As the years went on we both had self-employed income as well as employed income so three accounts were needed, the joint one for all household expenses.

DH never got to grips with keeping track of money, has not a clue about investing surpluses, and isn't really interested. He is not a big spender (neither am I) in fact he is probably fairly stingy. But he has never objected to any spending that I choose to do cos he knows that I know what I am doing. For example, he was quite happy to live forever with our 40-year-old lounge 3-piece suite and his eyes opened wide when I told him how much the replacement would cost, but he didn't object. I didn't have to ask his permission but I've always given him the chance to object. He never has.

I buy all his clothes, he isn't interested. If I buy him a new sweater he forgets every other sweater he possesses.

I try to keep him informed of our finances, even ask his advice, so in theory he knows what we have in savings, but as he isn't interested he still hasn't got a clue.

If I wanted to run away I could easily take all the money myself, he wouldn't even know where it was.

But I have too many friends and rellies who thought their marriages were secure and found themselves alone and penniless to advise complacency with finances.

My running away money consisted of a university education and a well paid job. My Mum said that that was what she wanted for all three of her girl children in order for it to be easy to escape … and it paid off. Thanks, Mum !

I'm happily married but we have separate accounts and a joint account for bills. I tried a joint account for everything but OH is hopeless with money and it was constantly being nearly overdrawn despite us both having a good salary. Three times he has asked and been given my savings in the past to pay off his huge credit card bills. The crunch came when he wanted to take a second mortgage on our home and I refused outright. Since then he's been much more careful with money and we have no debts.
He's a very good person, does most of the cooking, helps with cleaning, washing, does all the gardening and was a brilliant father.
I'm glad I had separate savings as we would have gone bankrupt and lost the house. But run away money No definitely didn't save for that.
In hindsight I should have realised much earlier in the marriage that his salary was not matching what he was spending on holiday, cars, the children etc but I thought he earned a great deal more than he actually did.

NanKate I recall from a thread several years ago that you and I were married on the same day in the year xxxx. I have never had an escape fund and fortunately have never had need of one... but as you'll know it's 'early days' !
May I say how long we've each been married?

Nope but always had my own bank account so did my 'ex' as well as a joint account..mum always told me to have my own account as did she but mum and dad were married 62 years...me 8..lol

I never had one but my mother did, she called it her “skin of the housekeeping”. She never needed to use it!

I did try to save for an escape fund when I realised just how disastrous things had become but I had to escape before there was really enough in there. Fortunately I had a tax rebate just as things went for a Burton so that helped. It has never occurred to me in my current marriage.

My mother told me to keep a “post office” book, just in case. I’ve been married 59 years and haven’t needed it yet!

We always had separate bank accounts but joint credit card. Simple reason I had a bank account before my husband did . Came in handy when he was terminal as we opened another one in my name which was to pay all the household bills he put most of his money in his account into and topped up with his salary . My husband always paid the bills and brought furniture etc. But it was my savings which got us our first house . And my money was used for buying presents . Sadly he died aged 47 , will be 21 years ago in February.

No I didn’t. And I think anyone who starts a marriage believing it’s a good idea is a whole lot more likely to use it. Dh and I went into our marriage with the idea that it was a “for better or worse “ situation without an escape route. We had 32 incredible years and a few that were bumpy. Thank God I didn’t have an easy way out back then I’d have missed out on all the good that followed. We shouldn’t be going about advising people getting married to plan for the marriages end before they’ve even got out the gate. We should be reminding them that it’s easy to stay married when it’s sunshine and rainbows , the part that’s hard, the part that makes it worthwhile is finding a way to muddle thru the hard times together. As my youngest son and daughter in law said in their vows just a few years ago , marriage isn’t just I do. It’s a bow to always choose your spouse. To choose them over anyone else yes. But also to chose them over your own self. A promise that come what May you will always choose the other.

Grams2five have you actually read all the posts?

JoyBloggs what a good memory you have 23 October 1971 was a special day for us both and our DHs. As you say ‘Early Days’ 😀

The notion of “Running away” money was always a bit of lighthearted fun between me and my friends, in the early years of marriage and motherhood. It never really meant actually leaving your husband and marriage. It was more the comforting thought that if you were having a bad day with the kids, or were very tired after sleepless nights, that you had set aside maybe just the price of a cup of tea and a bun in a cafe. A huge treat for me in those days. In later years I maybe had enough for a night away somewhere. Never really needed to use it but it was there if I needed it. 43 happily married years later, my DH and I laugh about it and he completely understands the idea!

In short, no. If I wanted out, no man would stop me!

I kept my own bank account open when we married and we then had a joint bank account.
Never occurred to me to close my own account and I'm jolly glad I didn't, despite a happy ongoing marriage.

NanKate

JoyBloggs what a good memory you have 23 October 1971 was a special day for us both and our DHs. As you say ‘Early Days’ 😀

Jings, you’re practically still on honeymoon!

When we married, I had a current account, and the Bodach had a savings account, so they both became joint, and stayed that way. I never felt the need to have a secret account.
My friend’s husband used to say he wished he had a magic ‘ Family Allowance Book’, as if he ever commented on anything she had bought she would say she bought it with the Family Allowance!
I had our first credit card (Access, which I was sent without asking in the early 70s), then I got another much later, and the Bodach was added as a second card holder, though he would never have dreamt of using it!
He was very much a ‘ cash in hand’ person, and did have a wee stash, from which I often borrowed the odd fiver.

Aveline

Grams2five have you actually read all the posts?

Yes. I’d never suggest someone getting married have their own money set aside to make it easier to leave their marriage. To plan for your marriage to end at the start of it. The idea makes me wonder why then get married ? We’ve had joint accounts from day one and will until it ends. Having it not easy to leave forced myself and my own husband to work thru the bumpy years. And I’m so glad for it

But there's people here who have been married for years, too.

It's like asking "Do you go out planning to crap yourself"?
when someone takes spare knickers.

This thread has shown that having or not having a fund has made no difference whatsoever.