Unannounced visits !

You know what? I don’t consider I have to get my house ‘visitor ready’ in case my own Mum wants to pop in.She often does, and makes me a cuppa if I’m busy.
I love my Mum and therein lies the difference.

I wish my mum was still here to pop in unannounced.

We are seldom visitor-ready. 🤣. People just have to take us as they find us. Today we have had two physios and a student (with appointments), my brother, a neighbour, my daughter and her boyfriend.

I would not like someone keep popping in unannounced. I think she needs to be told nicely that Sundays are a day you just want to relax and be with your family.

My daughter and grandsons pop in unannounced and I love it! I will pop in to their house too. Even my son in law will occasionally pop in and my aunt and uncle. It's how our family operate.
However I would expect friends to warn me first, in case I'm out of doing something.

If only my darling mum was still here to pop in, I loved it when she did.

Family is precious.

rafichagran

I would not like someone keep popping in unannounced. I think she needs to be told nicely that Sundays are a day you just want to relax and be with your family.

Her Mum is her family, or am I missing something?

Wish my mum could pop in I d love it
be careful what you wish for

Oh for my dearest Mum to open our door and say ‘hello darl’
I’d give anything.

I understand you all saying, I wish I had mum mum to pop in still. I don’t have my dad and miss him terribly. But I have a different relationship with my mum. We have never been close, not like I am with my daughter and my friends with their mums.

My children and their children are welcome to pop in as they haven’t long left home and I still see it as their home.

My brother feels the same, he doesn’t like it and has made it clear. she is judgemental of our homes, our children, our work. And to be honest I don’t want her turning up whenever she feels like it.

She also thinks if she has an excuse to come like dropping something off, she doesn’t have to check or inform us first. It’s a free pass .

And I know you all think I’m being mean - well most of you. But it’s been going on for years, and the more I ask her not to. The more she does it

Can you "book her in" formally when you have your grandchild over?
Say "would you like to join us for mid-morning coffee and biscuits on Thursday- at about 11?"

Something like that.
Maybe you can nudge her into an acceptable time slot.. 🤞

I loved my mum dearly and had a really lovely relationship with her. She would, however, have annoyed me no end if we'd lived close enough for her to "pop in" though!
She would have wanted to "help" all the time and driven me bonkers.

...I do wish she had lived long enough to see my children grow up though.
🙁

How do you work full time, 37hrs? Then look after your grandchild for three days and have Sundays off?

DsNanny I don’t think you are being mean; popping in as you describe it would drive me to distraction. I am fortunate that my family know and respect that.

Notspaghetti’s idea of setting an agreed time is worth trying, though I suspect your mum will regard timings as ‘flexible’.

Too much virtue signaling and passive aggression in this thread. I am all with the DsNanny.

Not wanting your mother dropping in any time of the day or night does not mean you do not love her, you probably love her dearly, but you would actually have more time for her if her visits were planned and expected and be able to give her more attention.

I do not know what you can do. Keep the external doors shut and not answer if she is not expected. 73 is not old and she clearly has all her faculties, so she has no excuses for this behaviour. In fact I think she is doing it deliberately because she knows it irritates you and winds you up, so I actually think that keeping the external doors locked when you and your grandchild are not playing outside, is probably the best tactic.

It will not be easy, but at the same time, invite her round at specific times, until she gets the message. You must fight a narcissist withbtheir own weapons.

Next time she drops by give her a duster and tin of polish or the stuff for cleaning the bathroom and crack on with what you’re doing.

And I agree with others…….I wish my Mum could pop in uninvited……….I miss her everyday

I think I would move to an undisclosed address.

DsNanny

And I know you all think I’m being mean - well most of you. But it’s been going on for years, and the more I ask her not to. The more she does it

No, I don't think it's mean. If your mum knows you don't like it, why can't she just call or text first, so you get a bit of warning? You clearly have different views on this, but hers aren't more important than yours. Just because she doesn't mind droppers in, doesn't give her the right to insist that you tolerate it too.

I don't like droppers in either, and I wouldn't do it to others. If I find myself passing - or more to the point, if I realise I am near someone I know well, as we don't just appear on a particular street - I would give them a quick call to ask if it's convenient for me to visit. Our homes are our sanctuaries, and we have a right to privacy if we want it. Those who don't care about it aren't wrong, but they are no more 'right' either. It's not about loving someone - it's just different tolerance of having our space to ourselves at times, and our feelings respected.

@jaxjacky normally do 3 x 15 hour days. So 45 hours. Sometimes I do 37.5 which is 2 and a half of my 15 hour shifts/days.

So this is why I like my time to myself. Or with my granddaughter and I like to know when she’s about to turn up. She often says ‘I was passing’ or ‘just in my way to…..’ it’s like a battle now. I’m sure she does it to be in control, she’s not gonna let me dictate to her when she can and can’t turn up. As I said, she does what she wants regardless of whether it suits anyone else.

We did fall out - a few times over her behaviour - and I have mentioned it and told her not to just turn up, she actually said I’m your mother il do what I like. And that’s that.

I see why people think I’m mean, but I think unless you have lived with a parent like this, it’s hard to understand not wanting them to just turn up. It’s my rule for her, just let me know before you come please, I’m not saying you can’t come - just please let me know when you intend to. But rules don’t apply to her on her world. And she doesn’t ask in case I say no. She did ask once, and I said we are just going to have her morning nap, I’ll text you when we are up. I didn’t text within a couple of hours so she turned up anyway and woke baby up. It suited her to come then and not later as she had plans

@doodledog exactly !!! You put it better than me I’m not saying she can’t visit, I’d just like a quick call or text first.

@jaxjacky normally do 3 x 15 hour days. So 45 hours. Sometimes I do 37.5 which is 2 and a half of my 15 hour shifts/days.

Children, friends, neighbours often pop in unannounced.
My only problem is that very often I am still in my nightie.
I once noticed my d.I.l.s parents pulling up on the drive. I ran to get into my day clothes, tripped on the clothes airer , hit my head on the door frame ……..did not have time to get changed. Fortunately, they were dropping off something and had no time to stay .
Ofcourse, I did not tell them of my mishap.

I would have pretended to be out lol

I don’t always answer the door if I’m on my own, so I can hide. Not as easy with and excited toddler who wants to help open the door 🤣

Trouble is she will go round the back and try the back door. I’ve even started locking the back gate now which I shouldn’t have to do.

Anyone doing something they've been asked on numerous occasions not to do is unacceptable.