Living alone worries

Has anyone who has said I am harsh read any of the threads on the bereavement forum. Things people have gone through children dieing ,some with other family members soon after it's enough to make you cry.

One thread is called Lonely OP have a read.

Not all those who posted here have had there partner die so you don't understand what it's like . Those on the bereavement threads are all grieving for a loved one or more than one .

Indeed

Celieanne86

I’m 88 now (gosh) disabled, housebound and on my own since my big husband closed his eyes went to sleep and never woke up 2 years ago, it’s his heavenly birthday today , 85, and I miss him, I knew him for 70 years and we were married for 65 years.
I don’t see much of anybody, I have a private carer who’s an angel but costing .£600 a month takes half of my pension. I keep busy, I have my iPad it’s my link to the outside world, I read Gransnet,I do quizzes, play on line games, watch rubbish and cricket on the telly, I have internet friends whom I’m never likely to meet but we have great chat.
I had a couple of nasty falls so it was suggested I had a link to my phone to call help if I needed it. It’s round my neck on a chord and I can just press the red button. I believe you can have one on your wrist, and it was free but our hard up council now charge £20 a month but it’s so worth it for peace of mind. I’ve already used it a couple of times and the response was instant, very caring and helpful. My social worker sorted mine out but I’m sure your doctor could arrange it for you. Your family won’t have to worry about you then but will be notified immediately if there are any concerns.
You are so lucky having your little dog, at least you have someone to talk to, Please consider the life link, I promise you wont regret it.

I hope you are receiving your full personal care allowance each month. If not , ring your social worker immediately for help to get it set up. It's about £400. If you don't have her phone number ring your local council and ask for the contact number.

Tizliz

For those with a dog and no-one to take the care on, join the Dog’s Trust. It is £12 a year and they will take on your dog when you die

www.dogstrust.org.uk/how-we-help/ownership/canine-care-card

You also get Public Liability insurance.

Ah thank you for that, I took worry about our little dog even though we're only in our 60s but you never know, that's very helpful information
Thank you 😊

Abnunycl At the risk of sounding a bit preachy, not seeing or talking to anybody for a weekend doesn't seem too good. It's sensible to make provision but maybe also useful to find other things to occupy the mind.

I'll refrain from the cry to "join things" Could you manage a little low level connection with others eg a coffee or something.

DD1 and I exchange texts every morning and evening, which works well.
If you had a similar arrangement including giving a key, the dog wouldn't be alone for long.

My 93 year old single neighbour was fiercely independent, but I used to watch for her blind closing at bedtime and opening in the morning, which made her cross when she forgot and I phoned to check on her. However, she did give me a key and it paid off a few weeks ago when I found her on the floor unconscious having had a stroke, so was able to call an ambulance. She had no local relatives so could have lain there for days.

I've been on my own for over 16 years now so am very used to it. One of my sons whatsapp's me every day to make sure I'm ok. And I have an Alexa set up to call him if I simply shout his name.
I am pretty scared of lying here after a stroke or similar, but try to push it aside in my head and just hope for the best.
I don't have any help other than a nice gardener/window cleaner chap.
So far so good, but I am aware that something is going to happen in the not so distant future... I'm 88 next month.

I'm 74 and still fit and able, but I'm conscious of the fact that it could all change in an instant.
My husband died suddenly and unexpectedly 3 years ago.
Initially, I went through a phase of worrying that something similar could happen to me. I was particularly concerned whenever I had the grandchildren to stay with me.

As they were 9 at the time, we had a chat about emergency procedures, if ever they found granny in a crumpled heap in the house.
We drew up a list of numbers to call etc.
Now they're older, they don't come to sleep over so thats no longer an issue.
When I cared for my baby granddaughter, a friend would come and stay.

I'm no longer in that kind of mindset, thankfully.
My son lives a 20 minute drive away and has a set of keys and my neighbours either side keep a watchful eye on my curtains, An indicator of whether I'm up and about.
I try to remember to carry my phone around and my house keys as they have a burglar alarm key fob which includes a panic alarm button.
Other than that, I just get on with life as best I can. 🤞

You can wear one of those emergency button necklets, so that if you fall or are ill you just press it to summon help via your landline.

The service then alerts your named responder to hotfoot over and see what's up. We were volunteer "first responder" for many years, for a widowed neighbour next door who had no family. When we moved away, another neighbour joined up as her first responder.

It was a great reassurance to her ( and us!) that she could summon help when she needed it, even if she couldn't get up, or out of bed.

shysal

DD1 and I exchange texts every morning and evening, which works well.
If you had a similar arrangement including giving a key, the dog wouldn't be alone for long.

My 93 year old single neighbour was fiercely independent, but I used to watch for her blind closing at bedtime and opening in the morning, which made her cross when she forgot and I phoned to check on her. However, she did give me a key and it paid off a few weeks ago when I found her on the floor unconscious having had a stroke, so was able to call an ambulance. She had no local relatives so could have lain there for days.

Well done Shysal! Should it be a duty of GPs to employ a worker who pro-actively checks on at -risk patients?

I’m absolutely fine, thanks. I do have friends and hobbies and I see plenty of my family. I can manage perfectly well with my own company for some days.

It was purely the living alone and checking in with someone, that I needed advice for.

Oldbutstilluseful

I text a retired friend every morning. If she doesn’t hear from me after an hour she calls. If I don’t reply she rings my daughter or one of other numbers she has as emergency contacts. I also set a timer on my phone as I have been known to forget!
Hope this helps.

What a great way to safeguard one another!
Lifelines are a great idea too.
I always make a point, when I’m alone in the house, to always have my mobile to hand just in case.

Some people have a tracker on their phone so that a relative could see that you hadn’t moved for hours. It wouldn’t work for me because I quite often leave my phone up in the bedroom or at home when I go out but it could work well for those who always carry their phone about with them.

Personally I wouldn’t want my children to know where I am all the time. Not quite sure why. It’s not like I’m doing anything illegal

Abnuyc123

I’m absolutely fine, thanks. I do have friends and hobbies and I see plenty of my family. I can manage perfectly well with my own company for some days.

It was purely the living alone and checking in with someone, that I needed advice for.

Apologies if I blundered in there.

It’s absolutely fine, no apology necessary. x

I am 81, live alone and have no relatives, so I have nobody who could hotfoot it here if I had an accident.

Where I live in a small mews, half the houses are rented, the remainder owned. I had an accident on the road outside my house this week. I cannot get up without help. I made it to the kerb, the contents of my gaf strewn over the road. A car came, eased its way around my belongings, parked carefully then the pair walked to their house.

I called for help, and they helped me to my feet reluctantly, but they did not check if I could get to my door as they walked home. I thought that was so callous.

Abnuyc123 - I have given my daughter’s tel no to my opposite neighbour. If she sees my car in the drive and no activity in my house, I have asked her to come and check on me. She has the key to my house .

Charleygirl5

I am 81, live alone and have no relatives, so I have nobody who could hotfoot it here if I had an accident.

Where I live in a small mews, half the houses are rented, the remainder owned. I had an accident on the road outside my house this week. I cannot get up without help. I made it to the kerb, the contents of my gaf strewn over the road. A car came, eased its way around my belongings, parked carefully then the pair walked to their house.

I called for help, and they helped me to my feet reluctantly, but they did not check if I could get to my door as they walked home. I thought that was so callous.

Unbelievable! Hope you are ok now.

Really impressed with suggestions but agree with an earlier post. People are harsh
Knowing what to do is some of it. Not being motivated is enough.
We don’t all wake up bright eyed and bushy tailed.
Some of us lose touch with friends and clubs/ activities are not quite the same.
Not always a question of do it yourself but circumstance.
I never imagined my life could be so narrow though I ‘do’ lots.

Charleygirl5

I am 81, live alone and have no relatives, so I have nobody who could hotfoot it here if I had an accident.

Where I live in a small mews, half the houses are rented, the remainder owned. I had an accident on the road outside my house this week. I cannot get up without help. I made it to the kerb, the contents of my gaf strewn over the road. A car came, eased its way around my belongings, parked carefully then the pair walked to their house.

I called for help, and they helped me to my feet reluctantly, but they did not check if I could get to my door as they walked home. I thought that was so callous.

Charleygirl, I expect that was sheer ignorance. There is something wrong with an education system that fails to teach empathy.

Something quite unforeseen happened to me. I was in the bathroom, and the door handle failed so I couldn't get out. Luckily I had my mobile with me (though low on charge) and was able to contact a friend who lives nearby. She already knew where my emergency housekey is kept, but couldn't find it. I had to instruct her through the small top window (luckily there's a window in my bathroom). I have one of those pendants, and that would have been my next option. Third option police (would they come??), final option break the window and call for help (I wouldn't be able to climb out). So now my resolve is never to close shut a door behind me. It could also be good advice for anyone alone in a building.

I also have to remember not to keep keys in locks, as there's no point in someone having your emergency key if they can't use it due to a key inside filling the lock.

Charleygirl I’m shocked and saddened to read about you recent experience. I really hope the rest of your neighbours are kinder folk. 🥰 x

Charleygirl5

I am 81, live alone and have no relatives, so I have nobody who could hotfoot it here if I had an accident.

Where I live in a small mews, half the houses are rented, the remainder owned. I had an accident on the road outside my house this week. I cannot get up without help. I made it to the kerb, the contents of my gaf strewn over the road. A car came, eased its way around my belongings, parked carefully then the pair walked to their house.

I called for help, and they helped me to my feet reluctantly, but they did not check if I could get to my door as they walked home. I thought that was so callous.

That’s unbelievable sad. I’m so sorry to hear of your experience. 💐

The LA with which I was a social worker thought about initiating a scheme in which vulnerable adults living alone were phoned each day. I was against this as I felt that people might rush to get to the phone and fall over!

firstly get a personal alarm lots of companies do them, for my late fil it was a god send.
secondly get one of your family to do a check text or call morning and evening. does not need to be a chat just a you ok?
thirdly Cinnamon Trust will look after pets after owners pass. lots of family do not want them so its always best to have something as back up. I think it is NCDL that do a card that says i have a pet at home if you are taken into hospital etc so someone can come and look after your pet
think about a day centre; not dreary these days can be quite lively and often have transport and hot meal. Social Services can help with this
Age UK have a buddy scheme where someone rings you say once a week for a chat. might be good on a long sunday evening