Help I’m becoming obsessed after bad event

Cossy

Whilst I completely emphasise, I too would be looking for another club.

I can only suggest something like meditation to try and reduce the “obsession” . If it starts to be “all consuming” then something like CBT might help

Of course, I mean empathise!

Ah I see.
There are some pretty good tablets called Kalms, give them a go.

Oreo I tried Bach Flowers to calm me to go on the cable cars in Madrid. They did not work!

Those things (Kalms and Bach flowers) never work for me either 25Avalon
This sounds horrible and I d leave but you say you won’t be doing that, when you say ‘You are the club’ I m not sure I understand

What a pity, Kalms have worked for me in the past.
Non medical cures are prayer or meditation.Hope you feel better soon.💐

Would it help to think 'Well, if my words/point of view do not correlate with the governing body of this sports organisation, do I really want to be a part of it at all? If your article was factual and written from a balanced perspective, may be you are dealing with people who are not worthy of your time? If I had known 50 years ago that to simply walk away was the most powerful thing you could do, I would have done it many a time over the decades.

Bluebelle I am the main officer at the club or was and will be again in a few weeks time. The other person who has taken over my duties in the interim is also a key officer so a bit overloaded atm. I describe how to do my side of things which I have done for years. They then do.

I find Sudoku helps but I can’t do that all night long - I’d have eye strain and a headache.Maybe that would take my mind off!

It's a horrible thing to happen, you are more than halfway through your ban, the fact that those you work with in the club aren't the ones banning you & think it's daft (as indeed it sounds), must help.
Can't you take a good book & a flask of tea to bed, & if you keep obsessing (I call it ruminating - when my mind just turns it over & over like a cow chewing its cud) have a hot drink & read until you fall asleep. In the day, anything mindless (like hoovering or dishwashing or decorating), your mind can be obsessing, if it happens to me I choose 3 favourite songs & sing them from start to finish, probably doesn't do much for the neighbours but it quiets my thoughts.

GAT they really don’t care if the Club folds. Their rules. The only ones to suffer would be the Club and its members.

Is this a job, or voluntary work?
Six weeks suspension seems a long punishment to inflict.

There must be a code of conduct for members and officials to follow. Ask for a copy, and also written records of how the decision to suspend you was taken, and the reasons for it. Compile the evidence for your case ; you do not have to use it but it will clarify matters in your mind.
Do not help the person filling your role, however much you value your club; you are being taken for a fool if you do and it may increase the poor treatment meted out to you.

Sometimes Governing Bodies make arbitrary decisions without being aware of correct procedures; this should be challenged.
At the end of my career there was a dispute over the date of my retirement. The Governing Body had made serious mistakes, had to back down, and were astonished to find they could all be removed for gross incompetence, that is, failure to read and apply the terms and conditions correctly. That simple.

This governing body may have exceeded its remit; they have certainly treated you badly and you should challenge them. Doing something practical will occupy your mind and make you feel less of a victim, and it is surprising how slapdash many people in what they consider to be positions of authority are, until they are challenged.
If you don't your feelings of injustice will fester and spoil your return to your club.

Easybee sadly it doesn’t work like that. They make the rules. A court of law says what I wrote was fine. They disagree but can’t explain why. Told me they weren’t interested if it was true or not. A guy got suspended elsewhere for posting a photo of him on holiday in the States holding a gun - Maybe not the best of ideas but 3 weeks out?

That’s how it is. All of us Clubs suffer it and all are run by volunteers not paid unelected bureaucrats. I will rise again despite them. They will not beat me. Just got to get there.

Are you sure you don't just want to "stick two fingers up to them" and leave them to wallow in their own mire? It could be that they are not up to the job of keeping it running - in which case "On their head be it".

I'm a bit puzzled by the way you refer to the club as "yours" - though maybe it's a similar situation to a commercial firm - eg one of the founders of Ben and Jerry's icecream brand has had to stick two fingers up to what was his own firm (ie it got taken over by a big company) - as he has devised an icecream commemmorating Palestine and they refuse it to allow it to be produced (because it refers to Palestine)!!!!! So he's going to do so himself - under his own sorta sub-company he set up subsequently.

It is galling to have one's own "invention/project" whatever not being acknowledged as one's own initiative/wouldnt be there without you and no-one even says "thank you" (yep....been there....done that) - but these things do happen sometimes. There's a worldwide scheme that could be/probably is mine - but there's no way to get acknowledgment/thanks for it and that's the way things go sometimes.

It's a sorta compliment/sorta insult type situation - and cynical thought does cross mind as to whether there would be acknowledgment if it was a man behind it...rather than a woman....

You could write a letter to the governing body telling them how you feel and exactly what you think of them. Don't hold back!
It might make you fed better.

But don't post it!!

Then you can shred it when you are reinstated.

Are.you in.a position to go and stay somewhere at least a couple of hundred miles away for a few days? The distance somehow lends perspective.

You are experiencing the sensation of a loss of control, in the same way we do when someone important to us passes away. Unfortunately some decisions are out of our hands even if they are not the best decisions. To help you to cope, you will need to practice acceptance. I am not religious but when things are difficult and when terrible things happen, I try to follow the teachings of Taoism which teaches us to accept things we are unable to control like the bumps in the road of life, problems, other people’s thoughts, their words and actions, ageing, trials and tribulations etc. I hope this idea helps you 💐

Flutterby345

Are.you in.a position to go and stay somewhere at least a couple of hundred miles away for a few days? The distance somehow lends perspective.

Good idea.

Is what happened this time, likely to keep happening?

Allira

You could write a letter to the governing body telling them how you feel and exactly what you think of them. Don't hold back!
It might make you fed better.

But don't post it!!

Then you can shred it when you are reinstated.

I like it Allira. I actually have email and mobile number for chair of disciplinary Committee so must be careful not to be tempted to actually send or I will be banned for ever!

It's cleansing, 25Avalon, as long as it's not sent.

"I think you are a 🤬!"

(The Chair, not you 😀)

Does the Club have to be affiliated to the Governing Body? Would it be possible for the Club to run just as a Club of like-minded people who do/enjoy whatever it is you do?
You said in one of your posts that the GB “really don’t care if the Club folds. Their rules”.
How/why would the Club/members suffer if you were not affiliated?

If we were not affiliated we would not be allowed to participate in any organised sport, and we’d have no insurance. They have you by the short and curlies.

Meanwhile - back at the ranch so to say - and I'm guessing it's only about 3 weeks left of this. Could be time to catch up on other things that have got "put to one side" - whether personal projects or house projects and be all "set and in order" once the ban is over. That way you will have at least used the time constructively.

This club should still have a constitution. Write and request one, and answers to your queries about who took the decision to suspend you and why, and do not be fobbed off.
You should also visit your doctor, tell him how you are feeling, sleepless nights, distress etc. He may or may not prescribe something, but he will record your concerns, and you may need evidence in future, for example when you return, and they say you over-reacted, it was just a storm in a teacup.
Do something productive with your anger and don't give up.

Avalon why are those people you have told written or emailed the governing body complaining about your treatment. If you where my friend it's what I would do. And it's what I have done if I know a friend or even just someone who has told me what has happened. I have fought on their behalf. Or are they afraid?

Surely they can't just ban you for 6 weeks normally there is a written warning threatening to ban you . Before actually doing it . That way you have chance to fight the banning . Governing bodies have set of guidelines they have to follow. Can you get a copy and read it .

What has happened is horrible and you have my every sympathy.
It's not surprising that the scenario replays in your head .
It's not rare ,believe me.
We think that we are doing something wonderful and someone comes along and bursts our bubble.
A similar thing happened to my mother over her charity work .
She was absolutely devastated over it .
Within days the charity were on the phone asking her to return .
She found another charity .
I suggest to you that you find another club which is worthy of your hard work .
At Easter I was unable to do my usual volunteering at church due to a wedding .
This seems to have set off a lot of gossip,resentment and speculation.
If I could find another church near my house - I'd attend it.

Whiff

Avalon why are those people you have told written or emailed the governing body complaining about your treatment. If you where my friend it's what I would do. And it's what I have done if I know a friend or even just someone who has told me what has happened. I have fought on their behalf. Or are they afraid?

Surely they can't just ban you for 6 weeks normally there is a written warning threatening to ban you . Before actually doing it . That way you have chance to fight the banning . Governing bodies have set of guidelines they have to follow. Can you get a copy and read it .

I've had similar - in one of the two voluntary work things I've done since moving to Wales. There WAS no rule saying "Be careful about what you talk about with anyone else - in case someone is in the next room steaming under the collar about the perfectly normal/perfectly legal/perfectly everything in fact thing you said in a conversation they were not in and that was none of his business". Reason being in case the troublemaker emerges from elsewhere and creates mayhem about the perfectly normal/okay/FACTUAL thing you said and put in an official complaint!!!!!!!!!!! - just because their personal opinion is that they personally don't like it and do feel entitled to eavesdrop and then stir trouble.

Yep....I got an official verbal rocket about "the conversation that troublemaker was NOT in - saying a factual (not opinion) comment". The clue to what it was is this is Wales and all the previous voluntary work I had done was in England...where I had had no trouble whatsoever ....

So - I didn't know it (obviously) but it had been decided in one or two personal little minds that I'd had "a strike for bad behaviour" (for my perfectly normal nothing wrong with it behaviour - ie making a provably factual comment) and when Lockdown came along - because of this pre-emptive strike for having done nothing wrong (other than having a troublemaker take offence for a conversation he should not have been eavesdropping on in the first place and no personal opinions had been given) then I got thrown straight out - in case I broke Lockdown rules and so they launched a pre-emptive strike on me and "unfairly dismissed" me in advance.

So - be aware that - though you've done nothing wrong (at least by the standards of Normal Times) someone somewhere might decide that you are "in probation" so to say after that time period is up and not even bother to tell you that's how they're thinking and turn round with an "......and that's another thing - shut the door behind you as you leave" and "unfairly dismiss" you permanently from the group action.
Sometimes there are people who will make decisions for "political" reasons - rather than "justified/accurate" reasons and they can't quote "Well you broke rule no xyz, paragraph a on page dot" - precisely because it was a "political" decision, rather than a "justified - and here's the evidence to prove it" decision.

It ain't fair....it ain't on....and people like that aren't looking for a rule you've broken/something you've visibly done wrong. They are looking at the "current political climate and protecting their own personal little backsides" and they might come heading "out of left field" with "some other offence you've apparently committed - even though you havent" and open the exit door so to say.

So be prepared for the fact that the end of this "time out period" may not be the end of it in the mind of some little troublemaker making decisions based on "political" reasons - rather than "logical/objective/give us the evidence for that" type reasons.

I've seen "political" decisions taken on other people - rather than "logical/objective" decisions. A friend of mine in a totally different location got chucked out of her long-term voluntary job for no reason - except that someone else had decided it suited them to grab her position for themselves...as part of a "ladder to climb" for themselves personally.

So - message being = watch your back - even when you're back.