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Requesting permission to take children out

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SpriteStar Tue 30-Dec-25 10:35:36

I have a 4 and 6 year old, who enjoy spending time with grandparents. We visit when we can, and they visit us (2 hours difference), and they have a good relationship. They’ve never babysat or looked after them (they’ve never offered - but please done take this as we expect anything).

On a recent visit I overheard them talking to my eldest about taking them for a day and night out to a place where they live in 2026. My eldest didn’t actually respond and from what I could hear it sounded like they were cornering her about it. I then heard them go into another room to tell my husband about taking my eldest out at a later date in 2026. Thankfully my husband stood his ground about the fact they were leaving our youngest out and I would have to agree, that my youngest would feel upset about this.

I also felt that they should have discussed it with us before cornering my eldest who is only 6 in a room on her own. Although I wasn’t in the room (I could just about hear from the other room), her lack of using her voice spoke volumes as to how she felt. She would have been much more comfortable if it had been discussed all together as a family.

I’m not sure whether to let it slide as it’s the first time they’ve offered to do anything with the kids, and just broach it going forward if it happens again?

Also - Am I being ridiculous? I posted this in a Mum group and the response was quite cut throat in laying down some rules about discussing these things with parents first. As many of you are grandparents here, I’d love to know how best to communicate something like this or to just bring it up next time it happens.

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Norah Mon 05-Jan-26 20:13:31

I don't see being a Grandparent as a right either! But being a Grandparent is a fact however that role develops for individuals.

Grandparents, bad or good are a fact, keeping GC at a distance from bad grandparents is something good parents should consider.

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Smileless2012 Mon 05-Jan-26 20:29:11

I agree Madgran that talking about good and bad parents or GP's isn't relevant to this thread. It's funny isn't it how many posts there are suggesting the OP's p's.i.l. are 'bad' which wasn't ever suggested by the OP hmm.

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Madgran77 Mon 05-Jan-26 20:33:40

Norah Grandparents, bad or good are a fact, keeping GC at a distance from bad grandparents is something good parents should consider

Well yes but sensible adult discussion comes first and a judgement of whether they fully understand their mistake, have learnt from it and won't do it again should come first. After that one has the right information to make a considered judgement on the way forward.

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Madgran77 Mon 05-Jan-26 20:45:23

Smileless2012

I agree Madgran that talking about good and bad parents or GP's isn't relevant to this thread. It's funny isn't it how many posts there are suggesting the OP's p's.i.l. are 'bad' which wasn't ever suggested by the OP hmm.

As you say the OP is understandably angry with her PiL as is her husband, their son but not calling them bad. As parents they are dealing with it sensibly regarding a very unfortunate mistake that the GPs made. How things pan out in the future after those discussions will inform how the OP and her husband respond. Hopefully the GPs have learnt a lesson

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Norah Mon 05-Jan-26 21:14:52

As you say the OP is understandably angry with her PiL as is her husband, their son but not calling them bad. As parents they are dealing with it sensibly regarding a very unfortunate mistake that the GPs made. How things pan out in the future after those discussions will inform how the OP and her husband respond. Hopefully the GPs have learnt a lesson

I called them bad, OP was just angry.

I'd not want OP's PILs around my children. My opinions.

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Madgran77 Mon 05-Jan-26 21:35:51

I'd not want OP's PILs around my children. My opinions

We all make mistakes. Big ones and small ones. I prefer to discuss mistakes big or small and then make informed decisions.

As you say your opinion. Mine is different for reasons I have explained. So be it

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Bell267 Sat 31-Jan-26 22:26:38

You’re not being ridiculous at all. Mine does similar but she is a very nasty bitter old women who loves causing trouble!
I do believe there is some who do it without any harm as well, but either way you are not being ridiculous.

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Bell267 Sat 31-Jan-26 22:31:52

Grammaretto

I'm not even trusted with the dog!

Yet I used to send my boys off on the train alone aged 10 and 8 to spend a fortnight on the Suffolk coast with their DGP. My inlaws.

Perhaps that's why I'm not trusted....

The inlaws wouldn't have the youngest brother, they said 2 is plenty, so I had to amuse him without his brothers.
The older ones had a great time and still talk about those days.

They get very worried about sending their own DC anywhere, citing it's a changed world now.

I think your on the wrong post…..

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Sadgrandma Sun 01-Feb-26 07:56:23

We take our DGD out regularly and have done since she was a baby (she’s an only child so no sibling problem) but we always check with our DD before mentioning anything to her.

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