Supporting adult children financially

Parents seem far more indulgent towards their adult offspring now than they were in the sixties and seventies,perhaps because there was less money about and people saved more. My parents supported me at College; when I was working before marriage I paid housekeeping to my mother; they paid for my wedding and gave us a good wedding present. After that we were on our own and would not have asked for financial help because one simply did not do that.

My parents helped me when I was newly married with small children. My In-Laws didn't. Well if they did they expected to be paid back quite quickly. I was an only child he wasnt. They did give us a considerable amount of money about 30 years later when they sold their mobile home. Luckily my Father-in-Law managed to live for 7 years so we weren't asked for inheritance tax. It paid off our mortgage. I have given or loaned two of my three daughters money. One for a business and one for a mortgage she was short for. My third daughter knows that the same amount is available for something important. I'd rather they got the benefit whilst they need it rather than have to wait til I'm gone. They will get the house thrn anyway.

eazybee

Parents seem far more indulgent towards their adult offspring now than they were in the sixties and seventies,perhaps because there was less money about and people saved more. My parents supported me at College; when I was working before marriage I paid housekeeping to my mother; they paid for my wedding and gave us a good wedding present. After that we were on our own and would not have asked for financial help because one simply did not do that.

That's just how I remember it too.

eazybee

Parents seem far more indulgent towards their adult offspring now than they were in the sixties and seventies,perhaps because there was less money about and people saved more. My parents supported me at College; when I was working before marriage I paid housekeeping to my mother; they paid for my wedding and gave us a good wedding present. After that we were on our own and would not have asked for financial help because one simply did not do that.

Exactly. That is my memory and how my parents acted.

I do wonder whether this is really a continuation of the tend for parents not to cut the apron strings tying them to their children. So many on GN are still intimately entangled in their children's lives after they set up home with partners and have children. So much childcare demanded and given.

They seem to know so much about the details of their children's relationships. I think this intimate involvement in their children's lives means that they will also jump in every time their children have a minor financial problem.

Unless you are very fortunate, most of us have passages in our early marriage years and when we have children when money is tight. We had them, but the last people I would have asked for help would have been my parents. Not but they would have helped, I know they had similar problems.

I think (jokingly) grand parents should be banned from regular child minding and all AC should live at least 25 miles from their parents, that way apron strings would need to be untied and AC could grow-up and become independent.

WithNobsOnIt

Just say no. You are not in a financial position to help her out.

You don't say if she has a husband. Is so cat his family help out?

What about her brother. Can't she ask him?

As OP mentions her SIL, presumably she does.

You have to be on benefits to get it

One other thing that might be worth considering. Fairness. If you give to one child it is only fair to give equally to the other(s). It’s tricky if one earns a lot more than the other, as in our case, but we still give equally if there is a need for help by the one earning less.

eazybee

Parents seem far more indulgent towards their adult offspring now than they were in the sixties and seventies,perhaps because there was less money about and people saved more. My parents supported me at College; when I was working before marriage I paid housekeeping to my mother; they paid for my wedding and gave us a good wedding present. After that we were on our own and would not have asked for financial help because one simply did not do that.

Totally agree.

I did not ask my parents for financial help; my adult children have never asked us.
They expect to stand on their own feet. It is part of being adults.
Your OH was out of order to offer this without consulting you.
You are already paying nursery bills which is over and above what should be expected of you.

My parents paid the small amount they were assessed to pay towards my uni grant then it was down to me to make my own living.

*Whiff
My children worked paid for their own weddings and brought their houses with no help from me . And that's how it should be .

The phrase I hate is the bank of mom and dad. The old values of going without to be able to afford what you want should still be instilled into the young .*

I remember that!!! I was new to Gransnet, inadvertently used the phrase ‘the bank of mum and dad’ and had my head virtually bitten off by a group of Gransnetters.

OP, if your DD and SIL are on benefits or low income, they will be able to claim some help on their council’s website on 1st of April.

If they do not fall under either category, not sure what they can do? Can they put money aside bit by bit for the winter, so your DH does not have to use too much of his own money to help them?

In our case, my daughter had to quit her work due to stress and health reasons. Her partner was then told that he may be at risk of redundancy.

Thankfully, she has been offered a new job recently and told me that even if her partner were to be made redundant, she will be able to pay all their outgoings without any assistance from us , ie lender of the last resort.

She thinks the corporate world is so insecure nowadays with so many redundancies especially with AI, so she will be trying to lay down the groundwork for a business whilst she working full time with the help of AI. Some of her friends are also looking at ways for alternative income streams.

Shame we cannot replace Rachel Reeves with AI. I am sure AI can make better economic decisions than Rachel Reeves.