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What do you make of this?

(36 Posts)
HowNowBrownCow Thu 13-Aug-26 18:32:40

I’m 61, husband 64. Had our ups and downs over the years, mostly ups and just get on with married life as a couple not bursting with happiness but not miserable either. Today I popped round to see my elderly neighbour and chatted on the doorstep, her front door faces the back of our house our windows are open. When I got home my husband said why are you telling people our business when we don’t tell people our business? I explained that as part of a wider conversation about not getting AI and technology I had shared something that had happened to me, he said it still didn’t answer the question. To which I replied I didn’t think it was a big deal to talk about. I am now unhappy that I have been pulled up for this, I am not a child and as the young ones would say I feel it’s a red flag. I was quite shocked and I feel that I now have to tackle this but how? Any advice welcome.

tanith Thu 13-Aug-26 18:37:34

To be honest everyone is very tetchy in this heat if was me I'd just ignore it not worth an argument.

Graphite Thu 13-Aug-26 19:01:54

When you said you are not “getting” AI and technology do you mean not understanding it?

It depends what experience you shared. Could it have identified you as vulnerable to scams or some other disclosure about your financial business?

I am not asking you to say what it was on a public forum only to think about what it was and whether he might have a point.

If having thought about it, you decide he might have then I agree it's not worth arguing about, just be more discreet in the future.

welbeck Thu 13-Aug-26 19:33:06

Is this an AI created query ?
Is that the point ?
Sounds like it.
Totally implausible.

HowNowBrownCow Thu 13-Aug-26 19:43:34

Graphite

When you said you are not “getting” AI and technology do you mean not understanding it?

It depends what experience you shared. Could it have identified you as vulnerable to scams or some other disclosure about your financial business?

I am not asking you to say what it was on a public forum only to think about what it was and whether he might have a point.

If having thought about it, you decide he might have then I agree it's not worth arguing about, just be more discreet in the future.

For context my neighbour is 87 plus. She said they were discussing in her coffee morning about AI, asked if I got it as in understood it. I said no and didn’t really wish to, we went on to talk about there being so much identifying information on us out there and I commented about how I felt when someone close to me was a victim of identity theft and fraud and how guarded we are as a result. No identifying information, just that. Probably best to ignore as you say and be more aware of my new listening device 🤣

HowNowBrownCow Thu 13-Aug-26 19:48:38

welbeck

Is this an AI created query ?
Is that the point ?
Sounds like it.
Totally implausible.

No the point is that I was pulled up for something I said to my neighbour and how to manage that given that I am a grown woman not a child.

Oreo Thu 13-Aug-26 19:49:23

I think a lot of our DH’s and DP’s would be surprised what we tell our friends and neighbours 😂especially about them!
Don’t worry about it but just be quieter next time.

Georgesgran Thu 13-Aug-26 20:00:10

I think you’ve got that in one Oreo.
Women talk, we have the gift of conversation (IMHO) and communication, but most men hardly scratch the surface with their men friends - just polite observations.

I can’t see his problem, unless you’d been talking about money or sex!

MT62 Thu 13-Aug-26 21:06:17

I thought you had told her something major about your personal life.
What’s wrong with discussing technology!

petra Thu 13-Aug-26 21:15:23

How tech savvy is your husband 🤷‍♀️

M0nica Thu 13-Aug-26 21:34:26

Most of us at some time or another say something that someone close to us has not felt easy about. I know I will sometimes say to DH that I thought something he said was not wise, and he will do the same to me.

Neither of us considers that the one is telling the other off, its just part of normal discourse, said casually and probably followed by further discussion but not always.

25Avalon Thu 13-Aug-26 21:41:27

Just ignore it.

Plevey08 Thu 13-Aug-26 22:18:19

I wouldn't like to be told what I am allowed to say.

Grammaretto Thu 13-Aug-26 22:29:50

I sent a message intended for my friend to my DD by mistake. She saw it before I could delete it. It was about DD. It wasn't bad but neither did I want her to know I discuss her with my friend. DD was not pleased.
Whoops!
I hope you can ignore your DH reaction. It was probably the heat 🔥

HowNowBrownCow Fri 14-Aug-26 04:42:42

Thank you everyone. I’m like Plevey08 and don’t like being told what I’m allowed to say however I feel better for getting your opinion and will ignore it 😊

loopyloo Fri 14-Aug-26 06:23:24

Be grateful that your husband's hear ing is that good!
The heat is really having an effect on people.

Astitchintime Fri 14-Aug-26 06:47:18

“………he said it still didn’t answer the question” and at that point I would have told him to get over himself!

25Avalon Fri 14-Aug-26 07:40:31

Ignore it and continue doing as you do.

M0nica Fri 14-Aug-26 07:55:22

Plevey08

I wouldn't like to be told what I am allowed to say.

The OP said nothing about her DH telling her what she is allowed to say. He merely said he did not like what she had said, Surely he is allowed an opinion, even if it is different to his wife's

25Avalon Fri 14-Aug-26 08:20:28

Good point M0nica

Harris27 Fri 14-Aug-26 08:26:10

I talk to my friends and if hubby doesn’t like it well… we’ve been married many years and I ask him always to respect the fact that I have an opinion doesn’t go down too well sometimes.. however we’ve been married nearly fifty years so we must get on well.

Plevey08 Wed 19-Aug-26 17:43:54

MOnica, IMO monitoring what someone has said to another, and showing your disapproval, despite OP explaining it was part of a wider chat about not understanding AI is telling her what she can and can not talk about. Unacceptable. Of course if you are happy to be treated like that or you treat others like that then do be it.

Cossy Wed 19-Aug-26 17:52:32

Georgesgran

I think you’ve got that in one Oreo.
Women talk, we have the gift of conversation (IMHO) and communication, but most men hardly scratch the surface with their men friends - just polite observations.

I can’t see his problem, unless you’d been talking about money or sex!

Completely agree with you here and Oreo thanks

Patsy70 Wed 19-Aug-26 18:54:30

I think we need to talk to friends, to get it out of our system. Bottling things up isn’t healthy. My OH and I bicker quite a lot and he frequently accuses me of saying things that I clearly haven’t. However, we get over it and don’t hold a grudge.
I’m sure you will too.

M0nica Thu 20-Aug-26 09:44:36

Plevey08

MOnica, IMO monitoring what someone has said to another, and showing your disapproval, despite OP explaining it was part of a wider chat about not understanding AI is telling her what she can and can not talk about. Unacceptable. Of course if you are happy to be treated like that or you treat others like that then do be it.

Her husband was not 'monitoring' what the OP said. He overheard it.We all over hear things other people are saying in our home and out, but we are not 'monitoring' them.

I would also repeat, she was not told she must not talk about something. It is clear that someone in their family/social circle as had been scammed and as a result her husband is over cautious about even admitting it had happened. This is not an uncommon reaction among those many people who struggle to adjust to modern technology and are rather frightened by it.

Thee is a big difference between someone saying they do not think you should discuss something outside the family and that person enforcing that opinion in any way. The OP has not mentioned any kind of enforcement.

If anyone, family or not, told me I had said something they did not think I should say, whether I responded to that stricture would depend on the circumstances and whether, on balance, I agreed with them or not. I am sure that at times I have said to a member of my family or friends that I thought something they said was better left unsaid -and they would be completely at liberty to agree or disagree with me.

To me this kind of conversation is part of normal discourse in a situation where people are free to express their concerns about something someone has said or done, or anything else, for that matter. In our family we do not censor each others conversations and have the freedom to disagree openly with each other, without being accused of bullying