Why can't I wear this to a wedding?

I have read the comments with interest, and can see the various angles people come from. I would start by trying on the outfit, in the first place. Does it still fit comfortably , and do you still like yourself in the outfit. Your hair , or complexion could have altered over that many years, and you may see it quite differently. No point in having any hassle until you have tried it. If it still fits and you like yourself in it, I would get a close friend, whose dress sense
you trust, to have a look and give me her honest opinion on what it looks like etc.

So you may not like it as much as you remember. If so I would definitely go for the "posh" area of the charity shops, where you may find something to your liking, and if you have decided that the old outfit is not for you any more you can give that to them too. So for instance I do not live in Harrogate, and there are a wide range of shops , including charity ones there, where I might pick up something that no one will have seen, where I live. So many people buy something , and know that they will meet the same crowd, so tend not to wear things again, and you can see some marvellous bargains if you are lucky. Alternatively do you have any friends of similar size to yourself who might lend/give you an outfit that they have had for a posh do. Certainly it is worth canvassing them for hats to borrow. Also if you get them to take a photo of you in your outfit both inside and outside, you can have a clearer idea of how it looks now.

If on the other hand , you still fit the outfit and still love it, and your honest friend tells you that you look fine in it; then it is a bit more of a dilema. On the one hand it rather feels like the start of that slippery slope, where your children think that just because you have got older, you no longer have a mind of your own and they have the right to tell you what to wear and what to do. That would be red rag to a bull to me, as whilst I am always prepared to listen to reasons and suggestions, in the end the decision is mine as it has been for as long as I have been an adult, and whilst I may not be so agile physically , my brain still works.

On the other hand , you do not want to cause any friction with the family. I think it would be worth collecting up your arguments for still wearing it to present your reasons, so this might be
1. You really like the outfit and feel comfortable in it, which means you will be able to enjoy the day more
2. You have been looking around and have seen nothing that comes up to the quality or pleasure this outfit gives you.
3. All your life you have tried not to waste things or money, and (especially if the grand daughter believes in this too) you want to wear the thing that both feels good and keeps to your ethics.
4. Especially in this hot weather , which we do not know when it will end, you could also choose something from your wardrobe that would be a bit warmer , so that you have a choice.
5. If none of this works well you could meet "half way" by being prepared to try on things at home , if your daughter sees anything special , but I would think that she should be thinking of the extra stress and hassle going out trying on dresses in shops, when you will either be extremely lucky and see an outfit that you both like at once, or much more likely , take ages, get hot and bothered and still not agree about which you ought to buy and you do not want to look at that outfit in the future and remember the fuss and bother rather than the wedding itself.

Finally I would politely remind your daughter , that you are invited to celebrate the joining together of the two young people and to wish them luck and be part of the occasion. Nowhere to my knowledge is there a ceremony that states "those who are not wearing new outfits must leave now" Nor is there a special alarm that goes off when an outfit that has been seen before is worn. The other possibility to consider is speaking to the bride to be, and as it is really her day see what she says.

Not knowing your family I could not suggest the best course, but by talking to them, they should be able to see that there is no way you have thought "Oh this old thing will do!" Much more thought and deliberation has gone into it.

Wishing you a very happy day, whatever you decide to do, and of course you will have many ideas to consider from GN's far and wide.

You always give such helpful advice

Ita a pleasure to read it, regardless of the dilemma.

Susiewong65

MissAdventure

Princess Ann has worn oufits for years, as far as I know.
I thought she was/is rather admired by royal fans.

And she often looks like a bag of washing!

You sound deeply unpleasant.

Sarnia, your outfit sounds lovely. as others have said, if you still feel comfortable in it buy new shoes and handbag or a new hat ..only if you want to. and enjoy the wedding, you'll be there ,and that's what's important.

the fact that it was bought pre-Covid might make it seem dated

DATED? Some of my elegant outfits were bought
pre- Foot and Mouth.

But, who says they are elegant now?)

Suggest your DD sees you in the outfit and tell her you feel good in it.
I wore a dress for my sons wedding when he was 28 which I wore for his christening!! I still love it. My son certainly didnt mind - he is keen on reusing and recycling.

Is your daughter a person who usually demands things like this of you?
Is this her personality?

Excellent post from madeleine!

I am happy to wear wedding outfits that have been worn before, way too expensive to just put back in the wardrobe.
I bought a suit for a nephew's wedding in the spring of one year and wore the outfit in the autumn of the same year to a wedding of DH's work colleague.
First wedding was in NE England and second was in Glasgow so only DH had seen me in the outfit.
When DD got married I bought a lovely handbag, eleven years later I used the same bag for DS's wedding. I would have worn the same shoes too but couldn't tolerate the high heels.
I would not let your DD sway you, do what you are comfortable with.

I suppose, on reflection, clothes can be perfect, but dated.
It must be subtle, but maybe noticeable, overall.

Susiewong65

MissAdventure

Princess Ann has worn oufits for years, as far as I know.
I thought she was/is rather admired by royal fans.

And she often looks like a bag of washing!

What a rude remark. Have you met her?

She stays slim and fit and her clothes are obviously excellent quality, as you'd expect, and do get remodelled.
Why keep spending and accumulating wardrobes full of hardly worn clothes? What a waste.

"My eldest GD gets married in a few months time."

Is this a winter wedding Sarnia?
If so, you might want to consider buying a warmer outfit anyway, one that you could wear again.
If it's next Spring, perhaps a Spring colour rather than coffee, although apparently shades of brown are 'in' again at the moment.

It is sometimes quite obvious that Princess Anne’s clothes are out of date though, even though they are in immaculate condition. She could probably pull her seventies brown outfits out of a wardrobe and still wear the authentic items.

I still don't think it's worth falling out about and the bride is the most important person.

When DD1 got married they wanted a very laid back affair, getting married in the Register Office with the reception in a (very nice) pub. This did not fit with my mother's perception of how the eldest daughter of her daughter should conduct herself and she wouldn't say whether she would come or not. Eventually, we told her she was uninvited as DD could not face her being there looking down on the celebrations.

My mother didn't speak to us for 5 years after that. And my children were 'wary' of her reaction to things ever after.

Please don't let that happen to you.

Casdon

It is sometimes quite obvious that Princess Anne’s clothes are out of date though, even though they are in immaculate condition. She could probably pull her seventies brown outfits out of a wardrobe and still wear the authentic items.

😀

Brown and orange (we had brown and orange wallpaper on a feature wall in the 1970s!). Never again.

I think she’s gone the same route as her mother and grandmother in that she’s established her ‘look” regardless of fashion.

The Queen Mither always wore a dress with a matching loose open coat over it. No idea what the dress was like. You never saw it.

Queen Elizabeth favoured a coat likewise, but semi fitted or sometimes a long jacket and matching skirt. But always bright colours.

Princess Anne is definitely military tailoring,

This is an interesting thread on all sorts of things. Family relationships, fashion, etiquette. I was brought short by a comment that grandparents aren’t particularly important at weddings. It just shows how we all do things differently 🙂

You can rent mother of the bride outfits if that’s worth considering. Ok dresses aren’t brand new but who’s to know. It won’t cost a fortune and there should be plenty to choose from to find something that suits.

Oh dear. Mother not mither🤣🤣

I've worn lace yo family weddings twice - a sort of pale teal/ light denim colour and a lilac one.

Lots of Ann Balon outfits out there specifically marketed at Mother of the bride/groom...

I would speak to your granddaughter.
It's her wedding.
...AND she will tell you straight if she doesn't like it!

If it's the colour, can you have it dyed?

Well, it's the bride's big day, in my opinion, so if I had been told nicely by her that my outfit was a bit dated, I'd probably take notice.
I'd rather know what exactly the objection is.

I'd be thinking that they'd all be looking at her, not me.

Me too.
I was bought up to be told that - not a woe is me thing, just a sensible fact, to my mind.

Maybe ask if there is a colour theme they’d like you to fit into? If not, no reason you can’t wear what you’ve got. New bag and shoes? Maybe new modern necklace/earings/fascinator?
Show daughter your outfit- if she thinks it’s not right suggest you spend a day shopping for a new outfit. Why not if you can afford it?

Wear what you want to wear and ignore your daughter. To my son's wedding, as mother of the groom, wore a silk suit that I had worn twice before, once for my graduation ceremony and once to a wedding, I looked for something else, but could not find anything I liked.

I jazzed it up with some braid and got a new slip top, shoes and bag. I also did not wear a hat but had some flowers in my hair.

I cleared this with DDil and her mother, but only as a courtesy.

Buying a garment for one wear only is an environmental crime.

I have just had an idea, why not hire a dress for the day. There are companies around who hire out bridal wear, and that includes mother/grandmother of the btide outfits. Why not hire an outfit and then hire it back.

Members f the Royal family wear their outfits again and again for different events.princess Anne keeps resurrecting outfita she wore decades ago. If it is good enough for them, it should be good enough for your daughter!!!