I have a dilemma and would value some advice, please.
My eldest GD gets married in a few months time. Her Mum, my eldest DD, has asked me what I am wearing for the day.
Just before Covid, my cousin's GD got married and I bought a lovely 2-piece outfit. It is a coffee coloured lace skirt and matching top, both lined. It fits as if it had been made for me, is very comfortable to wear having an elasticated waistband and I like it.
When I told my DD I was planning to give this outfit a second airing, she was horrified. She says I must have something new. My argument is that 7 years ago I went to this wedding alone as it was some distance away so the family haven't seen me in it.
Should I stick to my guns and weather the inevitable fallout, especially on the day or should I surrender and cough up for a new outfit that will likely never see the light of day again?
Firstly, I couldn't manage two hours, let alone 'a day shopping' so that would be out if it was me.
Secondly, I can never find anything I like or which suits me now.
I can't believe that some are seriously telling you to do what you want & ignore your daughter's wishes on her big day, OP. Maybe just head over to the Estrangement threads & see how that generally works out for people....please don't be one of them for the sake of a dress...
stillawipp
I can't believe that some are seriously telling you to do what you want & ignore your daughter's wishes on her big day, OP. Maybe just head over to the Estrangement threads & see how that generally works out for people....please don't be one of them for the sake of a dress...
It is her granddaughter's big day, not her daughter's so she will not be the centre of attention. Just the granny in the corner who everyone has a quick word with and moves on.
I doubt what the OP daughter wants her to wearwants to wear will be any different from anything new she buys. I also think half of all family estrangements are caused by people who believe in the tyranny of children and that parents should always acquiesce to their children's every demand.
Personally I think when parents and children are all adult they should all be capable of talking things through and reaching decisions that are mutualy acceptable. For example, in this case, hiring an outfit for the day and returning it afterwards.
WHY are so many people bothered about the daughter?
As M0nica and I both say, this is the granddaughter's wedding.
Please ask HER.
Maybe the daughter is the messenger?
I’m really quite sad about the picture if Granny in the corner that nobody notices.
It would be top table, front of the church, entrance after guests are seated and right there in the photos, especially the three generations of women one. Girl power👏
Don't think either of my grans (I was lucky they were both there) bought anything new for my wedding. They wore their "best clothes".
Mind you, if they'd bought anything new it would have been "new but the same" as they always wore the same styles & colours to go out.
It sounds lovely Sarnia and, as discussed on another thread, all these shades of coffee, taupe, brown etc are very on trend right now as is lace.
There is nothing worse than feeling uncomfortable or unhappy with your choice of outfit for a special occasion. You say it fits beautifully and you feel good in it so just wear it!
Would your daughter like it if you told her what she could and could not wear? We mature ladies still have our marbles and are perfectly capable of making decisions. If you were saying you would be wearing a fluorescent green mini dress with thigh high boots then I could understand it! 🤣🤣🤣
What does the bride to be think?
I wore my Mother of the Groom dress to another family wedding recently, and my lovely DDil said that it made her happy to recall such a wonderful day.
I remember Prince Alice (well I don't, but on TV) at the Royal Wedding (Elizabeth & Phillip) wearing her Nun's habit.
She was mother of the groom & that was possibly the first wedding on the planet to be televised.
Plenty of those shades and lace on here
share.google/dyKIxBZF4jd9Sl1DL
I just wonder how much the GD will actually care about what her Gran wears, unless she's one of those brides-to-be who are hyper-fixated on matching this-that-and-the-other because, to her, it's an important part of the ceremony?
Won't she simply be happy with wedding photo's that show a smiling, happy Gran looking confident (because she's comfortable) in a suitable outfit that fits her?
Maybe her focus will be more on the flowers, other decorations, the cake - and her future husband, rather than on what Gran has decided to wear?
I don't know, I could be wrong, I'm just offering an additional view.
Lathyrus3
I’m really quite sad about the picture if Granny in the corner that nobody notices.
It would be top table, front of the church, entrance after guests are seated and right there in the photos, especially the three generations of women one. Girl power👏
I don't equate it with not being noticed.
To me its the natural order of things.
I'm sure granny will be noticed, and admired, but it isn't her day, for want of a better phrase.
And its certainly not the mother's day, either.
They had theirs, and are invited along to take part in the bride's special day
Totally agree it’s the bride and grooms day.
I just love those generation photographs. The grooms as well as the brides.
Three, four sometimes even five generations of women. And the same line up of men. The men look gorgeous in their matching suits.
More difficult for women to get the co-ordinated look.
Lathyrus3
I’m really quite sad about the picture if Granny in the corner that nobody notices.
It would be top table, front of the church, entrance after guests are seated and right there in the photos, especially the three generations of women one. Girl power👏
No-one puts Granny in the corner!
Wasn't it so much more simple when photos were all in black and white.
stillawipp
I can't believe that some are seriously telling you to do what you want & ignore your daughter's wishes on her big day, OP. Maybe just head over to the Estrangement threads & see how that generally works out for people....please don't be one of them for the sake of a dress...
But it's not the daughter's big day, presumably she had hers years ago.
What is the Mother of the Bride wearing?
Will it be chilly, so could you get away with wearing the coffee lace outfit with a jacket, Sarnia?
How things have changed over the years. When I got married we picked our own dress and usually the bridesmaids (I chose not to have bridesmaids) and that was it. Guests just wore whatever they liked as long as it was dressy.
I remember my Mum wearing a navy suit with white piping and a smallish navy hat. I didn’t for a minute think to tell her or my MIL what to wear. Incidentally she wore a dress in various shades of blue.
Wear what you like and tell your lovely DD just to worry about what she and her DD are wearing!
You have to be comfy and feel good in whatever you wear and it sounds lovely 
Show your DGD if you can , try it on for her and ask her if she approves, your DD is being a bit precious tbh , as you say no one attending will have seen it, and who on earth remembers what the bride's grandmother wore to a wedding. You like it , You feel good and comfortable in it . That should be all that matters.
I wore a beautiful pale pink, lined, lace dress, with a matching lace bolero. It was very sweet, smart and comfortable. It was my DD’s wedding. She was absolutely fine with it and no one batted an eyelid.
It was an A line dress, mid calf and absolutely nothing like a wedding dress.
If, after you’ve tried it on again, it fits and you still like it- ask your granddaughter about her colour scheme and buy new hat, shoes, and handbag to go with it.
Coffee/taupe is neutral so this could be a solution for you.
In 2018 two of my nieces had weddings one month apart. I wore an ivory dress and jacket which had flashes of pink, purple and teal in it.
One wedding had ivory/coffee tones, so I bought teal accessories to contrast as the dress itself was in tune with the theme. The other was purple themed so I contrasted with fuschia accessories- the outfit looking totally different on the two days- as it was the colours which caught the eye and blended with the colour schemes not the dress. Hope you get it resolved. x
Oh, how I wushed I could reuse a wedding outfit. 3 AC married with a year between each other. Thought we'd need a mortgage. All 3 were in different types of locations and first outfit wouldn't suit the other two. I found it so stressful searching for outfits. Go with your existing outfit, you'll feel comfortable, abd just think of the money, time and effort ffirt you will save.
Fallingstar
Why is your DD saying this?
Sounds like you have a lovely outfit that is comfortable to wear so her reasoning sounds a bit off, could it be that she doesn’t like your outfit for some reason? Maybe she thinks the colour isn’t right or something, or that it doesn’t suit you, but she doesn’t want to upset you by saying this.
The only one who can clear this up is your DD so just ask her outright why she doesn’t want you to wear this outfit. And if is just because she thinks you should buy a new one, which is odd and wasteful, tell her that you would rather wear the suit you have and leave it at that.
My DD views it as second hand having been worn to a previous wedding. She hasn't seen me in it, nobody in my immediate family has. I will take your advice and ask her the reason. Thank you.
stillawipp
I can't believe that some are seriously telling you to do what you want & ignore your daughter's wishes on her big day, OP. Maybe just head over to the Estrangement threads & see how that generally works out for people....please don't be one of them for the sake of a dress...
It isn't OP's daughter's big day.
It's theBride's big day, and she is OP's granddaughter.
Sarnia - I would really speak to your granddaughter first.
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