My son, Annie's daughter and all taken too young

This was read at my sons funeral by one of the lovely vicars who led it.

Gods Lent Child

I'll lend you for a little while
A child of mine God said
For you to love the while he lives (or she)
And mourn for when he's dead
It may be six or seven years
Or forty two or three
But will you, till I call him back
Take care of him for me

He'll bring his charms to gladden you
And should his stay be brief
You'll have all of your memories
As solace for your grief
I cannot promise he will stay
Since all from Earth return
But there are lessons taught below
I want this child to learn

I've looked the whole world over
In my search for teachers true
And from the ones who crowd life's lane
I have chosen you
Now will you give him all your love
Nor think the labour vain
Nor hate me when I come to take
This lent child back again

I fancied that I heard them say
Dear Lord thy will be done
For all the joys this child will bring
The risk of grief we'll run
We'll shelter him with tenderness
We'll love him whilst we may
And for the happiness we've known
Forever grateful stay
But should the Angels call for him
Much sooner than we planned
We'll brave the bitter grief that comes
And try to understand

I would rather have had my son for the time I had him than not at all. He left his mark on my world and on many others. Angels took him and I felt that and my comfort is that I will see him again. He is still my son and always will be and I love him

Twice as Nice that's beautiful. I know it's trite but the saying it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved (or been loved) at all is very true.

Twice, and all who have lost beloved children. ?????? X
Forever in your heart ?

Thank you both Willow and Solitaire I'm glad you "get it"

Twice, I haven't heard that before, it's beautiful. Two of my dearest friends lost their children. One, just before she received her GSCE results, and another was just 21 and newly engaged. So, thinking of all those who bear the unbearable. Love to all.

Thanks Twice

Just feel I need to say that we don't know how our lovely son died. We have to wait until February for an inquest but DS3 has read all the reports and there is nothing to indicate a reason for his death.

It is understandable that people would speculate why a fit and healthy man in his 40s would die unless by his own hand but the police didn't think that was the case. One 'friend' made that assumption and said as much in an email. I responded asking them not to make any assumptions and they have not apologised. No longer a friend as far as I am concerned.

DH keeps saying that he died of a broken heart. That is certainly the most likely answer we can think of.

Nonnie I'm really sorry, it's hard not to know. She was obviously much older but v fit, my close friend died in January this year. Went to bed perfectly fine and her husband woke up to find her dead beside him in the morning. No reason found. Very shocking and so sad for all. If you need a listening ear please pm me. Thinking of you, Annie and all the other mothers who belong to a club nobody wants to join xx

Nonnie so sorry to hear this. I believe there is something called 'sudden death syndrome' in adults which happens with no warning and if it was that, I think he would have died very suddenly and without suffering.

I know of several adults who have died suddenly, one of them was my friend's nephew who was my FB friend. I was talking to him about films late into the night, the next morning he was found dead in bed. It took a long time to find out why he died and then it was stated as a likely cause of death, a seizure whilst he was asleep. I would like to think he died in his sleep.
My thoughts are with the parents who have suffered this loss.

Unbelievable pain, unfathomable reasons and unending love.
I can only send my deepest sympathy and love to all of you xx

Nonnie, such a long wait for you my love, and perhaps no answer, I hope there is x

Thanks all. At the moment it doesn't seem to make a difference how he died. He is dead, knowing won't bring him back. Will the tears stop after the inquest? Will they ever stop? Will I keep finding things which make me cry. Yesterday I was sorting out loft things and found his Christmas stocking, what shall I do with it? Shall I hang it with the others or not? So many hard things to cope with.

Could you fill it up with toys then donate it to a charity, Nonnie? its all too unbearable, isn't it? Yet we must, because there isn't any other option. Bitter? Me too..

Nonnie

Nonnie, I have to wait until February too, no matter the outcome of the inquest grief will still be there but accidental death would mean so much to me , it won't be , but it would mean my girl didn't choose to leave me , no more wondering did she want me but had forgotten her phone

Annie can't write, too many tears, for you, fo rme.

Nonnie, wish I could hug you x

The tears and sense of loss never stop. My parents lost a child, my sister was in her mid-40s when she died. My parents were in their late 70s. DM lived another 7 years, DF, 17

They bore up under the tragedy and superficially returned to being the people they were, but after the tragedy I used to compare my DM to one of those lovely bright red Chinese lantern shaped dry flowers. Bright, beautiful, sparkling, but so fragile, I felt that she would crumble and disappear if a breeze were to catch her.

I think DS's death did break their hearts. Both my parents developed heart disease soon after her death and there have been news items several times this year saying that doctors in Japan have noted that some people faced with the shock of a sudden loss, do develop heart abnormalities shortly afterwards.

Thanks Annie I know you understand.

MissA I could never do that, I handmade it for him, his name is embroidered on it, it would feel like I was giving him away. I already feel disloyal going through the process of selling his flat.

I'm due to take another of the pills which are supposed to stop me feeling but all they do is make it difficult to compose and say a sentence and stumble around the place. They don't stop the grief or the tears.

I think the process of going through someone's belongings is just so sad. What are you supposed to do with all the things that meant something? I don't know what the answer is, and I have to empty out my daughters home too. I don't know how I will bear it. Some big stuff has gone, but now it is all her treasures left - all the things that made it hers.

Nonnie, why not a special place to keep things which you treasure in a trunk, drawer, cupboard , you may one day want to give them to your grandchildren. I want to write memories of my darling daughter childhood for my grandchildren, she isn't here to tell them, I will not always be here to tell them, they may want to tell their children of their mother

One of my dear brothers was killed in an RTA when he was 25 years old. That's 43 years ago. I can say from my experience, that they never, ever leave you. I weep when I think of him now. Someone said that grief is the price we pay for love.

MissAdventure my parents and I had to do this after my DS died. It was so difficult, we all kept far more than was sensible, but gradually over the years time placed a distance between us and those belongings and we gradually disposed of them. I still have one or two things that were so essentially hers that I will never part from them: a dress ring and some earrings. I cannot wear the ring, it is too small and the shank cannot be enlarged and the earrings are too big for current taste.

Blinko, you are right, my DS died 26 years ago, but there are still times, when something unexpected can reduce me to tears at the thought of her.

I have already made 2 memory boxes for my GS for when they are old enough to ensure they don't get 'lost' at home as happened to pretty much everything we gave them in the past.

We gave his clothes to the charity he did a fundraising run for, apart from a few things DH couldn't bear to part with and anything Star Wars which we have kept for the GCs as they know Daddy loved it. The housing association which owned 50% of his flat are finding people to give all his furniture to, people in real need rather than us getting in someone who would make a profit.

The Christmas stocking is harder because I made one for each member of the family and they all hung round the fireplace in age order. Will I leave a gap, will I put it up I just don't know. No stocking reminds me no son.

i remember clearing my mums house 4 years ago. I did it alone and naturally found it upsetting. She had lived there many years and had kept everything. A classic hoarder.
My initial avoidance meant that when i was forced into doing it, it was rushed and there are things i now regret having disposed of.
I really feel for everyone who is having to deal with this distressing job. If you have the space put anything you are not sure about aside until you are ready to finally decide what to do with them.
Nonnie, please keep the stocking. It clearly means a lot to you and if you can, put it on the fireplace for Christmas. Your son will never be forgotten.
MissA you are in my thoughts x