Forgive me yet again

My elder daughter, only seven when her father died , could never come to terms with his death , she built up a hero figure , when her illness kicked in she really grieved for him, whrn her first child was born, I went into the delivery room a few minutes after the birth , her eyes filled with tears and she said - I wish daddy could see him.

I'm sorry I can't offer you anything other than a long distance hug and my love annie. There have been many wise and comforting words in the last few days, I can't better them but do second them, you are grieving for your daughter and the life you anticipated, the plans you made for your bungalow and your family. Its so very hard for you. x

I am so sorry that your daughter was living in a dark place, and although she was very much loved, she saw no way out of it. Knowing the actual figures will not help. The mind seizes on irrelevancies like this at a time like this. It is just an awful thing to have to cope with and no matter what anyone says it will not help. The worst thing is the way your mind keeps going 'what if, what if, what if?' Could you have done more/done something different? Was it my fault? I am so sorry.

Annie would it be silly to say your little gold crucifix is not lost.
Just tucked under a stone on the river bed.
It will live on as a little memorial for all who have lost their lives there xx

Lovely thought Cherrytree.

What a lovely thought Cherry tree. ?

What a lovely thought Cherry, it couldn't have floated so must have sunk where it fell , thank you x

Ditto

Please stay with us, Anniebach, there's no need to feel you must stop writing. We are all here for each other.

I would be lost without you, yes through this awful time for me but also because I care about those who are ill , grieving or troubled in any way, because I enjoys the laughs here and because I learn so much , it's a nice place to be

Annie Still thinking of you often. You have so much to cope with and everybody talking to you here cares about your well-being. Please keep posting, it is good to know that in some small way Gnetters are helping you on your very difficult journey.

Keep posting Annie, there are so many people who are thinking of you and praying for you.

I do hope that at some future date you may reconcile with your sisters and all of you can find peace and comfort through reconciliation.

And who would speak up for the Welsh I ask? ?

Exactly! Are you eating?

If your sister now feels guilty, that’s a step in the right direction Annie could you phone her or write?
What a terrible time you have had.?

It isn't that easy lemon , I did exchange some text with younger sister when she said she felt guilty. I asked why did they react as they did because I was upset and cross about that chat room so said they should all sold off from there. She replied - so you didn't say about me when told I would clean the house what is that nosey bitch going there for and when you were told x 'her daughter ' was in the group what's it's got to do with that bastard from Plymouth .

I was so shocked ,had a panic , I replied - Dear God no, you really believe that? Why didn't you all ask me , give me the chance to defend myself against x my nephew .

Then came a bigger shock and it has really affected me, she replied - x told his mother and she told x sister .

The sister who told the sister has Parkinson's and is a very bitter woman , but I don't know which of them told such a lie, my nephew or my sister. I cannot ask her because she is so ill , she has been a bit strange for quite a while, will not use a mobile phone, a computer, will not go out in town in her wheelchair is completely dependant in her husband, not one in the like him , not even her sons, he is husband no 2.

She is a very hard person , doesn't mix with people even before she became ill , always been difficult one out of the five of us, she hasn't spoken to our brother for eighteen years .

Oh hell, another epistle sorry but felt I should explain why I cannot take it further, not because I am being stubborn, they have poor health and I don't want to distress them

Annie you are the important one here, you are the one who needs the support. Your sister's ill health is perhaps long standing and on going, she will deal with it.
Your distress is new and immediate, your sisters should be helping and supporting you.
You know we are all here for you for as long as you want and need our support.
Family should feel that same obligation and support.
How I and I know many others would love to knock on your door, hug you, and make a cup of tea to share with you and listen to you. We are always here, please let us support you through the ether, not enough, but the best we can do.

And we'd get you eating again if we could be closer!

About sisters: When my husband of more than 20 years left with my former friend and colleague, I was distraught. I had what we commonly call a breakdown. The Dr called it PTSD because there were a whole lot of ramifications, including an employment tribunal and I just imploded. My sister abandoned me in my hour of need. We had been best friends! Calling several times a week and never went more than a couple of weeks without visiting or meeting up.

Whenever I called her the atmosphere was tense, as though speaking to me was an imposition. She didn't invite me round. If I didn't call her, we didn't speak. I never wanted my ex to know that even my sister had abandoned me.

Fast forward a few months and I had more or less invited myself to her house 'as I was passing'. She wept and said how bad she felt that she had 'been mean to me' when X left BUT that she couldn't cope with me so distressed. She said I had always been the strong one who everyone brought their problems to and ... 'Oh!' I said, 'so I was supposed to just be able to get on with things is that it?' My best friend still hasn't forgiven her, but I sort of have.

Your sisters have let you down. Perhaps they can't cope with your distress and haven't realised that a few kind words from them would help enormously in your healing. Well, you know what they say about being able to choose your friends? It doesn't make up for your sisters, but at least you know we truly care about you. Hugs!

Morning Annie, lots of wise words here so I'll just send a hug! Take care

I'm an only child so all this sibling stuff is a bit of a mystery to me, but is it possible to just contact your sisters and say you miss them, no recriminations, no inquests into what was or wasn't said, can you just start over? See what happens?

I would love to have had a brother or sister, even with all the arguments and feuds. I know mine DC don't see much of each other but would be there in an instant if needed. It's something I look at and wonder at. Perhaps your sisters feel guilty at having abandoned you, or believed the lies said about you, and would like to make contact again. (Well, one of them anyway)

anniebach ? thinking of you. Hope you are eating. What are you doing today?

Very sorry about your loss Annie. When I was in my 30s my husband left me with 2 little children I had no family near me and I wanted to end it all shut the world out so I can understand how your daughter felt although different circumstances. Yes talk to anyone who will listen to you and post on GN day or night I understand your pain and how things will be going round your head like a record and if only you could stop these thoughts but I am sure you have other people in your life who love you. Take care.

I was explaining why I cannot contact them, we live in the same town, our children went to the same school, we all had the same family G.P. Married in the same church . This is a hard bond to lose. They have all had problems in their lives and I have never failed to be there for them, had two of them live with us for a while for different reasons. This may explain why I am isolated .

Well it's happened, I have accepted it but finding it difficult to get my head around those awful lies.

Thers’s just no explaining people is there Annie?
I think that as others say, right now simply do what is best for you and your SIL and DGC.
One step at a time.

Today I am making up the wages for the firm, doing a little training with Phoebe , now known as Veruca Salt. Will read the threads , post. Play word games on the iPad most of the time, watch the news, this evening do a bit of cross stitching and watch CBB in the hope Widdie will not be evicted ?

And when having breakfast will look at a local site 'items for sale' in the hope of finding a sofa because i am still a banana lying on the one I have.