Gransnet forums

Bereavement

Forgive me yet again

(166 Posts)
Anniebach Mon 15-Jan-18 20:33:11

I so need to talk.

We applied for disclose of statements from the coroner before the inquest into the death of my beloved daughter. They arrived today, I have been dreading them every day .

I don't understand the toxicology report. Mils in a litre of blood etc,

A man tried to save her , he gave his phone to a woman who was on the bridge to ring the police whilst he tried to talk to my daughter. I would like to thank him , who ever he is, I have his name, would this be the wrong thing to do?

I am so distressed because she took some photographs with her to the bridge, the report gave a full description of them and I know which they are .

One of her three children.

Her and her husband on their wedding day.

One black and white of three adults and a baby, I know this was her christening, I took a photograph of her, her darling daddy, her paternal grandfather and paternal great grandmother ,

One black and white of a female sitting on a sofa , arms around two little girls, one on each side, me and my daughters, my husband took it. We were so happy.

Why am I saying all this? Not for sympathy, because I am devasted and so turn to you yet again, so sorry,

Annie x

Cherrytree59 Fri 19-Jan-18 17:10:50

Annie how are you with porridge?
Thin porridge made with water with a bit milk round the edge.
I was always told by my Mum and Gran that porridge helped to line your stomach.

I find it filling and gentle.
but then I go and add saltblush

Ambergirl Fri 19-Jan-18 16:58:17

Oh Annie....sending virtual hugs...You certainly do not have "to get yourself together"....You are going through a torrid time. Don't be hard on yourself, take each day as it comes. Anyone else would feel the same...I cannot imagine your pain..x

NfkDumpling Fri 19-Jan-18 16:56:05

smile. Good! Your furry girls need you!

Anniebach Fri 19-Jan-18 16:53:07

Eating is still a problem , I am eating but introducing new foods is difficult and doing so little I haven't a great appetite . I read the diet thread to see what is avoided so I can add it to my to eat list 😀

Jalima1108 Fri 19-Jan-18 16:51:59

sorry, I mean Family History is absorbing, not gardening!

Jalima1108 Fri 19-Jan-18 16:51:25

The Gardening Grans could come and sort out the garden. You can plan it all (Annie* and I will supervise the digging, planting, laying of paving and and make the tea.

It is absorbing but also frustrating - but oh! the joy when you have a breakthrough.

How is Lottie? You may have updated us again, but if so, I missed it.

NfkDumpling Fri 19-Jan-18 16:45:15

Oops, pressed enter too soon. I was going to add that it’s an all absorbing hobby and maybe just what’s needed. As long as you stop sometimes and REMEMBER TO EAT!

NfkDumpling Fri 19-Jan-18 16:43:51

I got back via the census to 1789 on my father’s side of the family. Friends were impressed when I said the name was Smith. But it was easy really as the family hadn’t moved from the same small village in all that time. I expect I can get further back if I ever get around to visiting the church to check the registers. The rest are harder as they couldn’t read and didn’t know how to spell their own names.

Nana3 Fri 19-Jan-18 14:28:38

I'm thinking Veruca Salt because you're spoiling her rotten🐶, and why not.
Well, I'm watching the snooker and being lazy, your family tree is undoubtedly more interesting.
I planned to go out but have no puppy to motivate me.
If I disappear it's because the b..... iPad keeps shutting down.
So (((hugs))) from me too.

Anniebach Fri 19-Jan-18 13:08:27

It is Wilma when trying to find ancestors on Anglesey 😀. When the 1911 census was released most on Anglesey was in Welsh, a very small group of us transcribed it all into English , three of us !

WilmaKnickersfit Fri 19-Jan-18 12:48:10

1789? WOW! That's a labour of love then Annie. Remember, small steps and one day at a time. {{{HUGS}}}

Anniebach Fri 19-Jan-18 12:42:52

Thank you x

I must get myself together but so difficult . I have been working on my family tree for years , I started about 14 years ago. My darling girl was given the family name and I decided to find out more about my g granny, the name is in every generation . Went on the site this morning and there was a message giving a lead of the family name back to 1789, I thought I must tell her, then it hit me, she is dead , she would have been thrilled to know i have reach her g g g g g aunt . Suppose I will get use to it, have to.

I feel your hugs x

Anniepops Fri 19-Jan-18 12:40:38

Hope you find the most comfy sofa ever. Sending a prayer and a hug. X

Bellanonna Fri 19-Jan-18 10:56:24

Annie, you’d better keep quiet about your address or we’ll be hiring a Gransnet coach as so many of us want to come and take you out to tea/coffe and give you a warm hug!

loopylou Fri 19-Jan-18 10:39:35

Oh dear Annie, what shenanigans for you my sisters have been warring for what seems like forever, 30+ years?
I don't know where you live but I'm another who would love to take you out for a coffee and give you a hug. I can't imagine what it must be like for you so can only keep sending you my thoughts and prayers, please take care x

Anniebach Fri 19-Jan-18 08:53:33

Today I am making up the wages for the firm, doing a little training with Phoebe , now known as Veruca Salt. Will read the threads , post. Play word games on the iPad most of the time, watch the news, this evening do a bit of cross stitching and watch CBB in the hope Widdie will not be evicted 😀

And when having breakfast will look at a local site 'items for sale' in the hope of finding a sofa because i am still a banana lying on the one I have.

lemongrove Fri 19-Jan-18 08:50:19

Thers’s just no explaining people is there Annie?
I think that as others say, right now simply do what is best for you and your SIL and DGC.
One step at a time.

Anniebach Fri 19-Jan-18 08:44:21

I was explaining why I cannot contact them, we live in the same town, our children went to the same school, we all had the same family G.P. Married in the same church . This is a hard bond to lose. They have all had problems in their lives and I have never failed to be there for them, had two of them live with us for a while for different reasons. This may explain why I am isolated .

Well it's happened, I have accepted it but finding it difficult to get my head around those awful lies.

ninny Fri 19-Jan-18 07:59:55

Very sorry about your loss Annie. When I was in my 30s my husband left me with 2 little children I had no family near me and I wanted to end it all shut the world out so I can understand how your daughter felt although different circumstances. Yes talk to anyone who will listen to you and post on GN day or night I understand your pain and how things will be going round your head like a record and if only you could stop these thoughts but I am sure you have other people in your life who love you. Take care.

Nana3 Fri 19-Jan-18 07:58:46

anniebach 💗 thinking of you. Hope you are eating. What are you doing today?

NfkDumpling Fri 19-Jan-18 07:36:10

I'm an only child so all this sibling stuff is a bit of a mystery to me, but is it possible to just contact your sisters and say you miss them, no recriminations, no inquests into what was or wasn't said, can you just start over? See what happens?

I would love to have had a brother or sister, even with all the arguments and feuds. I know mine DC don't see much of each other but would be there in an instant if needed. It's something I look at and wonder at. Perhaps your sisters feel guilty at having abandoned you, or believed the lies said about you, and would like to make contact again. (Well, one of them anyway)

kittylester Fri 19-Jan-18 07:30:14

Morning Annie, lots of wise words here so I'll just send a hug! Take care

Ginny42 Fri 19-Jan-18 07:12:55

And we'd get you eating again if we could be closer!

About sisters: When my husband of more than 20 years left with my former friend and colleague, I was distraught. I had what we commonly call a breakdown. The Dr called it PTSD because there were a whole lot of ramifications, including an employment tribunal and I just imploded. My sister abandoned me in my hour of need. We had been best friends! Calling several times a week and never went more than a couple of weeks without visiting or meeting up.

Whenever I called her the atmosphere was tense, as though speaking to me was an imposition. She didn't invite me round. If I didn't call her, we didn't speak. I never wanted my ex to know that even my sister had abandoned me.

Fast forward a few months and I had more or less invited myself to her house 'as I was passing'. She wept and said how bad she felt that she had 'been mean to me' when X left BUT that she couldn't cope with me so distressed. She said I had always been the strong one who everyone brought their problems to and ... 'Oh!' I said, 'so I was supposed to just be able to get on with things is that it?' My best friend still hasn't forgiven her, but I sort of have.

Your sisters have let you down. Perhaps they can't cope with your distress and haven't realised that a few kind words from them would help enormously in your healing. Well, you know what they say about being able to choose your friends? It doesn't make up for your sisters, but at least you know we truly care about you. Hugs!

annsixty Thu 18-Jan-18 22:49:25

Annie you are the important one here, you are the one who needs the support. Your sister's ill health is perhaps long standing and on going, she will deal with it.
Your distress is new and immediate, your sisters should be helping and supporting you.
You know we are all here for you for as long as you want and need our support.
Family should feel that same obligation and support.
How I and I know many others would love to knock on your door, hug you, and make a cup of tea to share with you and listen to you. We are always here, please let us support you through the ether, not enough, but the best we can do.

Anniebach Thu 18-Jan-18 22:21:25

It isn't that easy lemon , I did exchange some text with younger sister when she said she felt guilty. I asked why did they react as they did because I was upset and cross about that chat room so said they should all sold off from there. She replied - so you didn't say about me when told I would clean the house what is that nosey bitch going there for and when you were told x 'her daughter ' was in the group what's it's got to do with that bastard from Plymouth .

I was so shocked ,had a panic , I replied - Dear God no, you really believe that? Why didn't you all ask me , give me the chance to defend myself against x my nephew .

Then came a bigger shock and it has really affected me, she replied - x told his mother and she told x sister .

The sister who told the sister has Parkinson's and is a very bitter woman , but I don't know which of them told such a lie, my nephew or my sister. I cannot ask her because she is so ill , she has been a bit strange for quite a while, will not use a mobile phone, a computer, will not go out in town in her wheelchair is completely dependant in her husband, not one in the like him , not even her sons, he is husband no 2.

She is a very hard person , doesn't mix with people even before she became ill , always been difficult one out of the five of us, she hasn't spoken to our brother for eighteen years .

Oh hell, another epistle sorry but felt I should explain why I cannot take it further, not because I am being stubborn, they have poor health and I don't want to distress them