Children going to funeral

My eldest DGD is quite emotional and unsure of herself and really likes and desires a silver charm necklace I wear much of the time. I've told her she can have it when I'm dead. When she fingers it now I just say "Nope, I'm not dead yet!" We've agreed it'll become an heirloom and one day she'll pass it on to her DGD. It seems to have given her a sense of time, confidence and her place in the scheme of things.

If you feel she should then allow her to, Children vary so much with how they see things, could be she feels she needs to say a loving goodbye to her grandfather this way.

She should be allowed to go. My GD was well under 10 when my mum died and she asked to read a poem - a very short one - and did it beautifully.
Funerals are part of life and if a child wants to go why not? We explained what would happen and it all worked out well.
I personally found it comforting. She helped out at the 'tea party' afterwards too - again her choice.

When my MiL died, my DC's were 13 and 15, I gave them the choice, my then 13 year old DS chose not to come, 15 year old DD came. When FiL died 7 years later, they were both there. If she wants to go, let her.

When my daughter passed away we asked her children aged 7 and 5 if they wanted to come. They were fully informed of what was going to happen. The 7 year old said he definitely did not want to come but the 5 year old said she did. When asked why she said she wanted to say goodbye to mummy. The 7 year old then said to her 'dont be silly you cant say goodbye to mummy she will be in a box'. My granddaughter became distraught, In the end they just attended the wake which to them was a 'party'. I think it really is down to the individual child and how mature they are. Personally I think my grandchildren were right to just attend the wake they were just too young for the actual funeral.

Thanku all for ur messages. Mum has come around to the fact that my dgd wants to say goodbye to her grandad
My daughter will explain to her what is going to happen & someone will take her outside if need b
Thanku again

I hope all goes as well as can be expected.

Thanks for letting us know. I hope all goes well.

Hope all goes well too. I don't think young children have the same feelings about death as adults, so won't be so upset.
Unless they're extremely sensitive.
It would more hurtful and worrying for them if they were not allowed to be there.

I hope it goes well, colournanny, and my condolences on your loss. All my DGC bar the youngest came to my DH’s funeral. The youngest was only 2 and was likely to shout out or try to climb on the coffin. They came to the wake afterwards so were included. It felt right to me that they were there, we had been in their lives since their birth, they were there at the end for their grandad.

Colournanny - my sincere condolences on your loss. I'm glad your Mum is supportive of other family member needs to do what they feel is right at such a difficult time.

We're still recovering from our DGD's insistence (age 6) that she visit our cat at the Vet's before he was put to sleep. Apparently she had been told the cat was very sick and that he was going to go to sleep and not wake up. And she replied that her Father's grandmother had died in her sleep. Then she asked to say goodbye.

I'm afraid that we were very conflicted indeed, and protested, but DGD was most firm. DD tried very hard to dissuade her, before taking her over for a brief visit and we are very proud of DD for this decision.

I realise this might seem very trivial compared with the loss of a family member. My point is that children appreciate when their family try their best to listen respectfully and then make the best decision that they can for all concerned.

I think children, if old enough to understand, can attend a funeral. My neighbours GC attended and they even had the body at home before the funeral. They brought the children to the house for a sleepover the night before.

I took my 13yr old and 6yr old to the funeral of my very elderly great aunt. I think this was a good idea, particularly as one of them lost a friend soon after. The funeral of a child with cancer is a horrible experience, and of course they wanted to go.

I’m so sorry for your loss and I also feel that if your daughter wants to go to the funeral then she should be able to go, however, your DM has said No. and I think that her wishes must be listened to, if you could persuade her to allow your daughter to go then fine, but if she is adamant that your daughter stays away then I think you have to listen to your DM on this one.

Most definitely she should go. By 7 children have an understanding of the permanency of death, and loss. Explain to your Mum that she needs to go, even if it upsets her, as part of the grieving process. It will help her. She has to understand death as a part of life, and learn to grieve. At 14 I was not allowed to go to my grandfathers funeral and I never forgave my parents