Do you understand ?

Yes I do understand Annie. Bereavement is a very long road and it's hard to witness other people's happiness, no matter how much you are thankful that they are dealing with the loss in their own way, and 'getting on with their lives'. Your loss is still very painful to you. So yes, I do understand and I'm sending you ((((hugs))))

Annie I cannot pretend to understand how you actually feel but I can sense your almost tangible pain at the loss of a beloved daughter.
As a mum of two daughters myself a I can only imagine my feelings if I were in your situation. Those really mixed emotions of happiness that your family is OK and lovely but the continued sadness at the loss of your child will be hard to experience.

Annie
Sending you , and a big cuddle. X

Sending you hugs Anniebach ????

My heart cries every day for my Mum, I appreciate it is the natural order to lose our parents. Your daughter died in the most tragic of circumstances which must make it so much harder to bear.

Annie, I don't know what to say. You have made me cry with your heartfelt sorrow for your daughter. We all know hiw much you loved her, I think, we here on GN also love you for the way you have, with greta dignity, shared your love and loss. I can't do anything, but I send you {{{hugs}}} and my prayers.
As Julian of Nowich said
"All will be well, and all will be well, and all manner of things shall be well"
We never know what is in store for us, but have a peaceful day. Your family live and care for you. So do we.

Sorry about the typos

Annie you know that I understand. They tell us it gets easier but I haven't found that yet. All I can say is that gradually I am coping with it better but the pain remains.

Annie, hugs, hugs and more hugs.???. (This is a bunch of roses for you) ??

They haven't come out at all as I thought they would! But the sentiment is the same x.

I absolutely understand . It is heartbreaking for you.

Annie, I feel your pain.
Just as you are taking baby steps forward something comes along that knocks you for six. There will always be happenings that suddenly cause your pain to resurface. Eventually that pain will become less severe though it never goes completely.

Sending you and (((hugs)))

You are so kind, I am sorry to bring it to the forum but there is no one in my life I can talk to.

I am ashamed of myself, I fully support my son in law having a companion , I certaintly know the lonliness of widowhood. But ! my daughters children , she adored them
I was with her when she had the positive pregnancy tests from the chemist , her joy. The unplanned third pregnancy to her was a special gift. I was asked if I would like to name this new little person.

The day may well come when the companion will go into the family home, my daughters home and yes my son in law’s home . I accept this yet it hurts, I feel angry with myself, my beloved daughter is no more, but she carried these three children, gave birth, the middle child has her mother’s gift to light up a room, the youngest has the caring thoughtfulness her mother had, hence the two text to me last Saturday . The companion may see my daughters grandchildren that may be, one day .

Is this grief or something unkind ? Please tell me
:

Annie, I think it's totally understandable and one that I think anyone of us would feel. It's certainly not unkind, and is part of grief, loss and a feeling of being sort of cheated, if you know what I mean. Hope this doesn't sound too glib.

Annie I can't imagine how much this must be hurting - no matter how pleased you are for your family that they are getting on with their lives for you there is no 'getting on'. Your precious daughter died and nothing will ever be the same again for you - all you can ever ask of yourself is that one day acceptance will come and that in your granddaughters your daughter lives on and her memory will always be with you and them. The fact that you couldn't be at the meal is an added hurt - that perhaps may be something that you will be able to participate with in the future but it's still too early and if it does happen it won't stop the feelings of what should have been. Don't be hard on yourself - what has happened is unbearable and it's totally understandable you feel the way you do. Feel free to come on here and say it like it is - we are a big community who just want to give you as much virtual support as we can and there are others here who will have a greater understanding of how hard you find this latest situation. x

Grief is something that most of us will feel one day and it will different for different people. It is the deepest and longest sadness along with other unexplained feelings that we have to cope with. You are not being unkind when you think that it should be your daughter who should still be here in the companions place. Life is unfair and losing a loved one is something that is so hard to cope with and you are being very normal in how you think.
I'm glad that you can see so much of your daughter in her children which will be a reminder of her every time you see them. No words can soften your grief but I do hope that you will in time find peace of mind. Take care Annie.

Grief Annie, it’s grief for your darling little girl, kiss her picture, she’s with you.xxxx

Oh annie (((hugs))) and this is grief, so natural and so understandable.

Oh anniebach
I am so sorry.
Someone told me, when my son died, that you never get over losing a child ....whatever their age. You just learn not to scratch the scab

Decades on, there is still the odd time when loss creeps up unexpectedly and bites me. Its normal, and can happen to anyone who has walked this path. So yes, I understand.

Sometimes, the memory catches and emotion runs as strongly as in the very first days. The grief, and the loss, feel no different. The tears are just as painful.

It is still grief, and it really is okay to feel the way you feel. It does not detract from your love, care and amazing support for your SIL and family, but you would not be human if you didn't carry your own pain.
I hope tomorrow is an easier day.
x

Annie, there is nothing unkind in the genuine sadness you carry every day for the loss of your daughter - not only for who she was but for all she might have been and done had she lived. Your heart is torn two ways, you want the very best for your son in law and you are realistic enough to know that may include someone else in his life...but it’s a hard thing to accommodate when you're grieving and just wish your daughter could still be here. Please don’t give yourself a hard time about how you feel, be as kind to yourself as I know you would be to anyone else you saw struggling with such hard times. xx

Annie I saw this recently and it made some sense to me..hope it helps you too.. even in a small way to appreciate that what you feel is OK.
www.facebook.com/bbctwo/videos/bbc-stories-like-minds-on-bbc-iplayer/2170954869790560/

Thank you all so much. I was so troubled, thought I was turning into a someone realy horrible, it upset me . We all have to move on, when my second Grandchild graduated in July,my son in law sent me a text, ‘ so proud of her but I wish her mother was here to share it with me’ . This is how it will be,I have to accept it.

PECS, that video clip was so right.

Nothing can remove the grief, the longing to hear her laughter , but nothing can remove what we shared .

You have all been so understanding and such caring, I thank you all x

I understand. A close relative's partner just remarried. It has been years since he died. I'm very pleased for her but it also breaks my heart.

I dont have much to do with the new partner which helps. She knows Im supportive but also I was glad to not be invited to the wedding. That would have been too much.

Lots of lovely posts Annie, so I'll just send you a hug and reiterate that it's grief you are feeling.

There is nothing worse than losing a child Annie