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Loss of confidence after bereavement.

(37 Posts)
MissAdventure Thu 27-Sep-18 20:30:00

Please would anyone mind sharing if they found that they lost confidence in themself after losing a loved one?
I'm a quiet person, a home bird, but had always been fairly confident in my abilities.
I seem to have lost that confidence, and I'm having a hard job to scrape any up.
I'm not sure how to deal with it, because I haven't ever dealt with it before.

Anniebach Fri 28-Sep-18 21:39:52

Do take care, don’t give in and stay in please, I chose to stay in and am now agoraphobic , that means isolation . I don’t want that for either of you, x x

dustyangel Sat 29-Sep-18 13:00:55

Thank you Annie and Miss A. Ironically I managed to spend all day out yesterday going from one hospital to another whilst they decided what to do about a very small broken bone in my wrist. Fortunately a removable support has been decided on and weirdly I feel better for the experience.
Could anyone else add clumsiness to the list?

Anniebach Sat 29-Sep-18 13:15:37

dusty, I am trying to find a positive in everything ( difficult)

So your negative yesterday was a broken bone, you positive was you were out of the house and with people ? , hope your wrist heals quickly x

grannyticktock Mon 01-Oct-18 17:02:47

Here's my theory about "bereavement brain" (devised since losing my husband nearly 2 years ars ago): when you're a couple, you kind of share the mental tasks. You borrow the other person's brain to find things out ("When is the car MOT due?") or you park stuff there ("Right, I'm putting the suitcase keys in this zipped pocket of my bag, OK?") or you use the other person to set a reminder ("Don't let me forget to ring the surgery when we get home!")
Then when we find we're alone, possibly for the first time in decades, it's no wonder our brain can't cope with it all. As well as having to filter out the painful things in order to function normally, our brain now has no spare capacity to draw on, no backup system. That's one reason, I think, why we all sometimes find ourselves floundering more than usual. Oh, and we're steadily getting older all the time too, which doesn't help!

Nonnie Mon 01-Oct-18 17:10:19

I haven't thought about that, I've thought that I just couldn't be bothered to do things. I simply can't plan ahead, keep putting things off. I lost my son and I suppose losing a partner would be different.

The big change for me as that I see things in black and white, no shades between, things are good or bad. I have cut 2 people out of my life because of their reaction to my son's death. It was wrong of them to make assumptions.

Anniebach Mon 01-Oct-18 17:25:12

When my husband died our daughters were 5 and 7, I became stronger, moved house, no problem making decisions, I think this was because we had only been married 8 years and I had to be strong for our daughters.
My elder daughter died last November , we had a very close relationship , saw each other ever day except for holidays. I find making a decision so difficult, she isn’t here for me to say ‘ I am not sure, blue or green’ when buying something , not that she made decisions for me, it’s the not sharing .

Brendaj Fri 26-Oct-18 19:54:59

I lost my husband three years ago after forty-nine years together. I feel like there is no point to my life anymore without him here with me. I miss him every minute of my life. I just wish I could turn the clock back.
when people say time heals I am sorry but I don't life will never be the same again.

Anniebach Fri 26-Oct-18 20:03:47

Life can’t be the same ever, this is hard to accept x

polnan Tue 11-May-21 14:50:02

why can`t this thread be re started then?
I just want to say, how much reading this has helped me,, I thought I was going senile,, I am elderly, never lived alone all my life.. 50 years with my dh.... all these strange feelings... quite comforting in a strange way to read these comments.

Whiff Thu 13-May-21 21:25:33

Save repeating myself. What I posted on the Pain of Loss thread covers what a lot of you are feeling. If you read what I wrote I hope it helps. I had to learn things the hard way. If something I say helps it was worth the telling and the tears.

Whiff Fri 14-May-21 06:14:19

I wrote 3-4 posts on that thread