Funeral up coming holiday

When my dad fell in, we all rushed to see him and say goodbye. He then lived for another eighteen months. My SIL mum was put on end of life care a year ago. She is still with us. Death, I'm afraid, is totally unpredictable. I would say if you are holidaying in this country go as you can easily come back, if a short flight away the same applies, otherwise think carefully about how you would feel if you could not be there.

I think you have to, for family that close.

I think you should put your plans on hold for now. I know it's hard when you are looking forward to a few days away but maybe you would feel better knowing you were there for the funeral. We face the same dilemma each time we go to see our son and family in Australia. My husband's parents are both in their nineties and each time we go away we expect to be called home, it hasn't happened yet but it can only be a matter of time.

Hello
How sad that the lady in question is facing her last days and that the poster even needs to voice her dilemma. Funerals are only a tiny part of the grieving process ..it is the ongoing love and support that those left behind need and there is no time limit on that.

Definitely for a family member

Some very sensible advice given.
I was on holiday abroad once when the grandson of one of the party died.
The family didn't tell him until he returned so that he could enjoy his holiday.
I think that was very thoughtful of them.
Another situation that I came across was when a friend's husband died unexpectedly and they told his best friend as he was about to go to the airport .
They told him that the funeral would not take place until after his holiday which it didn't -about a month later.
I thought the friend shouldn't have been told until he returned as no doubt his holiday was spoilt for him by the news
I am so sorry that this very sad situation has happened to you.
I think as has been suggested. I would speak to your brother in law before deciding anything.

You don’t have a dilemma. Your sister in law and her family are the people going through a heart wrenching time.
I disagreewith others who have suggested discussing your holiday with the family. It is so inappropriate at this time.

I agree with the above.

I would cancel you can always have another holiday but she'll only have one funeral.offer support.

@Caro57. Same here. My aunt died. I was able to see her and say goodbye, but we had our first holiday in years booked and my cousin was happy to wait until we got back. He said it turned out better as he had time to organise a choir and rehearsals and make the funeral even more special.

Cancel! Family is so important--much more than a holiday. You an holiday after the funeral.

I rarely go to a funeral unless someone I am very close to & see often when they’re alive. I don’t care if no one comes to my funeral...but if you are close to your brother & he needs your support then it’s a different matter. You already know in your heart what needs to be done. In this sad case. And funerals can be arranged to suit all close relatives & friends. I wish you all the best, I hope you manage to take your break.

I often do funerals. Funeral directors do their utmost to ensure those who want to be there can be. They work around holidays and work diaries... as do priests. You probably really need your break... ask the family to just not have that particular week. Our own family has had lots of bereavement lately and generally people are okay with working around other things. Be kind to yourself as well as others. Xx

Grandad would HAVE understood.

No I would not cancel , this may seem harsh but you deserve a break after already cancelled one , spend all the time you can now with her and supporting the family that's needed now , also you will be able to continue to support on your return , its the old saying ,"don't bring nice flowers and messages to my funeral, do it now whilst I am alive to see and hear them ,", good luck with your decision .

It seems to me that it might depend on where you planned to go. Is your proposed holiday in the UK? If so, then perhaps it would be simple to cut your holiday short if needed? Obviously things would be different if you're flying overseas.

When my father died we arranged his funeral for a date that allowed one of my brothers to still go on a trip to Japan. It simply meant arranging it for a week later than the first possible date. Unless there are religious reasons I do not see a slight delay as a problem. I did not tell anyone outside the family the reason for the date selected and these days it often takes time before the body is released because an autopsy will probably be required.

i wouldnt cancel, to me, funerals are meaningless, i think that if you spend time and do what you can for your sister in law while she is around it is much more important, no good when shes gone

If your holiday is very short, it is likely that the funeral would be after your return. Most funerals seem to be about 3 weeks after the death.

Funerals are usually anything between 2 and half and four weeks after the death in England so if she lives only a couple of weeks you would be back in time for the funeral. It is a different issue if your DH wants to be around to support his brother.

We are already halfway through October, around here even if your SIL died next week it is unlikely you would have the funeral until the week after you got back. So its just a question of if you are needed here to care for everybody. Having cancelled one holiday I would chat this over with the family and see what they feel.

I would go - there is often a delay in organising funerals, especially if the crematorium is involved. As you say, you have no idea when she is ill die and you sound if you need a break.

Could they not hold the funeral till you get back? It is only a week after all. However, I suspect you wouldn’t really enjoy the holiday in any case.

In fact it is quite probable that should you be away the week of her death or the week after, your brother in law will insist you stay on holiday and would book the funeral for after you get back. All I am saying is that IF the funeral does go ahead when you would be away then you probably do have to cancel, or risk family rifts.

I would go - there is often a delay in organising funerals, especially if the crematorium is involved. As you say, you have no idea when she is ill die and you sound if you need a break.