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Bereavement

Wedding rings after death of husband

(121 Posts)
Gypsyqueen13 Thu 20-Dec-18 10:46:57

Good morning everyone, I lost my husband nearly 2 years ago. I still wear my wedding ring etc as in my mind we are still married! I received a comment recently from an acquaintance that they were surprised that I still wore them. It has never occurred to me that I should take them off and would almost feel like a betrayal. Just interested to hear the opinions of others. Thank you

Annaram1 Fri 21-Dec-18 10:25:31

My husband died about two and a half years ago. We were married for 54 years. Sometimes I wear my wedding ring and sometimes I don't.
I always wear it to church and sometimes my engagement ring as well. But sometimes I wear another ring on my left hand, as I have about 50 rings and they all need an airing. Do what suits you and don't worry about what other people think, especially younger people. What do they know?

Elegran Fri 21-Dec-18 10:27:34

The simple answer is "I wear it because I like it and because I want to."

Hollydoilly10 Fri 21-Dec-18 10:32:10

I think that it is up to the individual to decide what they want to do. I took mine off straight away as in my eyes I was no longer married. But we can choose what suits us best.

lindiann Fri 21-Dec-18 10:32:15

I wore mine but put on weight so have to have it altered but will carry on wearing it

sarahellenwhitney Fri 21-Dec-18 10:39:08

I removed my wedding ring from necessity due to the loss of weight I experienced caring for a sick husband .
Many the time it would end up in the protective gloves I needed to wear. It stands on my dressing table where I can see it at any time. No ring?so why do I sign and refer to myself as a mrs.?Like myself and many more that is our business.





following due to the loss not from choice but neccesty

lindiann Fri 21-Dec-18 10:41:15

lovebeigecardigans1955 [flowers} My Dad had Motor Neurone X

Jayelld Fri 21-Dec-18 10:42:00

My parents separated when i was 17 but my mother continured to wear her ring until she died until she died 35 years later, she refused to divorce him and even as a widow, still considered herself married. My elder sister now has the ring.
On a similar note, I have a teddy bear, given to me 46 years ago by my fiance, who died before we could buy a ring. It is never played with by my GCs and has always moved with me, and sits on my bed.
We are allowed to be sentimental and to treasure items that mean a lot to us. It's where our memories are stored!

Legs55 Fri 21-Dec-18 10:42:31

I have been widowed almost 6 years, I still wear mine. I had both my wedding ring & Eternity ring enlarged as I had put on quite a bit of weight, 2 years into widowhood I almost lost my rings so I treated myself to another Eternity ring in a smaller size as my weight goes up & down.

I have no intention of removing my rings, I have several male friends who are all aware that I'm a widow. Not sure I'm looking for a 4th H so no problem. I imagine DD would be quite horrified if I removed my rings as she loved her Step-F almost as much as I did.

It's a personal thing & no-one has the right to dictate what you should do.

lindiann Fri 21-Dec-18 10:43:07

flowers

lesley4357 Fri 21-Dec-18 11:01:26

I had my mum and dad's wedding rings melted down and made into a bespoke wedding ring for my daughter and horseshoe necklace for granddaughter. Better than sitting in a box not being worn

EllanVannin Fri 21-Dec-18 11:04:26

After 24 years of being widowed I still wear mine and my mothers on my right hand. They're part of me and will remain that way.
I was never looking for anyone else so it didn't matter to me.

NannyG123 Fri 21-Dec-18 11:07:01

Wear your ring with pride gypsyqueen13.

grannyticktock Fri 21-Dec-18 11:13:14

Many widows do move or remove their wedding rings at some point. I left mine in place for over a year, but I don't regard myself as married any more, and it didn't seem quite right, so eventually I moved it to my right hand, where it will stay for ever. Sometimes I wear another dress ring of some sort on my "wedding" finger, mostly I don't (I wear very little jewellery at all). There seems to be no hard and fast rule, it's just a matter of what feels right.

Grandson2008 Fri 21-Dec-18 11:17:28

I def agree you are right to keep wearing your wedding ring it is precious and all your memories are tied to it. I wear my mums and find comfort in that when I'm feeling low.

westerlywind Fri 21-Dec-18 11:19:38

I wish I had taken my rings off. I knew they were a bit tight but still wore them. I had to have them cut off in the end. I would rather have had chosen to taken them off and put them in a safe place. Looking at them now cut and mangled is horrible compared to just have taken them off.

Bijou Fri 21-Dec-18 11:32:54

My husband died thirty years ago. I have never taken my wedding ring off. Cannot got it off now.Seventy two years ago when he bought it in Damascus it was engraved with flowers on the facets now it worn down to a plain ring.
I suppose some women remove their wedding rings if they are hoping to attract a man.

DotMH1901 Fri 21-Dec-18 12:02:34

I must be the odd one out I think - after my husband died 20 years ago I wore my wedding ring for a few years but then, as my Mum had also done, I handed both my wedding and engagement rings to my daughter (Mum gave me her wedding ring about the same space of time after my Dad passed away previously). I have other rings that DH bought me and also some I have bought since that I wear, I wear my Mum's wedding ring on my right hand finger along with one of the rings my DH bought me. I was not interested in finding another husband so that wasn't why I took my ring off. I believe it is a personal choice what you do after becoming a widow, I have a friend who has had her DH's wedding ring melted down with her wedding ring and fashioned into a new band which she wears - whatever feels right for you to do is the way to go.

GreenGran78 Fri 21-Dec-18 12:09:40

It's purely a matter of choice, and no-one's business but your own. I'm three years a widow, and still wear my wedding ring. I haven't worn my engagement ring for many years. I put on weight, and it grew too tight. I couldn't afford to have it made bigger, at the time.
My main problem is what to do with my rings, after my death. I have 2 daughters and three sons. 2 granddaughters and 1 grandson. I tried talking to them all about it, but they don't want to discuss what happens after I am gone. Do I decide now, and put it in my will, or leave them to sort it out between them when the time comes? A difficult conundrum!

newnanny Fri 21-Dec-18 12:25:54

I think it was a hurtful and insensitive thing to say to you. I think I would have been upset to be honest if a friend had said that to me. I would watch out for her in future and be on your guard.

newnanny Fri 21-Dec-18 12:27:42

GreenGran I would decide what you want now and put it in your will. You never know it could cause an argument after your death otherwise.

Mapleleaf Fri 21-Dec-18 12:29:48

It's a personal choice, and you must do what feels right for you, Gypsyqueen13, and if it feels right to continue wearing them, then that is what you must do, and don't let the remarks of others influence you into changing your mind.
I know that I would continue wearing mine if I were in your situation, but that's my personal choice. It would never occur to me not to. My Mum and both Grandma's continued to wear theirs. flowers

SqueezedMiddleG Fri 21-Dec-18 12:39:26

My grandmother was a widow for 53 years. She never ever took her wedding ring off.

jangeo44 Fri 21-Dec-18 13:11:59

My mum was widowed when she was 45 - still wore her wedding ring until the day she died at 82.

ANNIEF Fri 21-Dec-18 13:23:52

my husband died 36 years ago and i still wear my rings although i moved them to my right hand after 5 years. when i kept them on my left hand i found men who approached me thought i was married but looking for an affair.

Barmeyoldbat Fri 21-Dec-18 13:39:09

My daughter is a young widow and still wears her rings and I would do exactly the same.