Second year

Hippie. I lost DH ten years ago and have had two hip replacements since then. Please feel free to have a chat if I can be of any help.

12 years since my husband passed away suddenly. I was 50 at the time and can relate to previous posts. There are so many friends who seem to have opinions on how we should be coping, but in truth we cope in the way we are able to, there are no time frames for greiving or accepting. No matter how we seem to be in social situations it is the returning to the solitude of home once the door has been closed that was one of the hardest to deal with for me.
It does get easier in time, one thing that helped a little especially in the dark nights was to put a timer on a lamp and leave a radio playing so there was light and sound when returning home. A small thing really but may be worth a try.
Wishing us all peace.

I have found life gets easier, for me at least but I still miss DH very much. My sadness is he isn't here to see DGS1 growing up never knew DGS2.

I moved to be nearer DD & DGSs when I had been widowed almost 2 years. New area, new friends to be made & lots of exploring, this has made it easier for me as there are no shared memories in my home, I have our wedding photo on display & a few of his treasured items.

I have found life & grief change at least for me , dates trigger memories, I go places & think DH would have loved this. Christmas decorations go up every year he was a bah humbug but secretly loved Christmas , sad he's not here to enjoy DGSs. for all of you who are going through the pain of losing a loved one.

I've found that it does get easier with time, the rawness wears off a bit. But yes, this is it for me also.
My widowed neighbour said that, 'one day it will hit you' and I guess that's what she meant. When that happened to me I just sat at my kitchen table and sobbed.
It really does get better, Maw though. With the passage of time you gain more experience of dealing with things alone. And I guess I've toughened up a bit and gained more confidence. Only on a bad day does the weight feel rather too heavy - and those days do pass.

Hi Everyone, I am in the same boat as all the other lonely ladies. I try to make a life for myself. I paint and try to get them sold one way or another to give me a reason to get out of bed. Christmas, New Year and birthday very grim. I seize on any chance of making new friends, doing any possible courses etc. There is no alternative to keep on going on unless one fancies sinking. Is there anyone out there who fancies a coffee morning? I am somewhat disabled and live in Stowmarket. It would be terrific to connect with other lonely folk.

Pastel I have sent you a private message which is what Mawbroon did to me some time back. I am fairly new to Gransnet but some posters give you a feeling they are there for you and MB is one of those. It is good to know that GNs are there for her although at the moment it probably is not enough but I'm sure it is a comfort to her in a small way.

sarahellenwhitney - how very kind. I'm 75 and truly the consultant never offered one word of hope. I'm as active as I can be, not overweight, I do have high blood pressure and I do enjoy a cigarette to reward myself for tasks which are painful - vacuuming, hanging out washing etc. I was so happy to actually get as far as a consultation but now my positives have turned to fear...…….

Hippy I have sent you a PM , but just want to say I never ever regret having my hip done ! I am back (last night ) playing bowls and can walk without aids

Maw - as a bereavement counsellor I would urge you to seek professional help. Of course, grief and learning to cope with the feelings of being bereft, alone, and uncertain about the future, are perfectly natural processes but sometimes they can become complicated and watching others in similar situations may not help. Ask your GP for specialised Bereavement Counselling and if there's no outcome, try to fund this yourself. It will be your feelings, where these are coming from, and where they can go that you will be able to talk through, rather than considering what others do/have done to reach a better place. There's no problem in doing that other than the fact that you have no real understanding of what types of resource other people have and therefore, comparisons are not always sensible as they give you what you believe to benchmarks - so and so was out and about after six months, therefore, you should be doing the same. This kind of comparison will not help you, so seek professional assistance. I am sure you will come to feel better about your life and where it can go.

I've always admired your strength Mawbroon but appreciate your honesty. Don't be afraid to scream at the gods occasionally and just because in second year, don't feel you should be healing yet, you are getting there (but what is there?) so be proud of yourself but be kind to yourself as well x

Pastel big hug. So far it hasn't got easier for me but I do have days when I am able to get on with my life. However I also have days when I simply can't do anything. Just be kind to yourself and keep on keeping on. Nothing else you can do.

Maw I think it was you who recently posted "To live in the hearts of those we leave behind is not to die." Just want to send it back to you as it made such an impression on me at the time.

MawB, Annie, Miss A - I have no advice to offer never having been in a similar situation but my heart goes out to you all. I imagine the first months/years after such tragic a loss you must still be in shock and now as you say reality has set in that the situation you find yourselves in is only going to continue. It's a situation we'll all probably find ourselves in in the future and reading how you are all managing to cope gives me hope that in the same situation I might find the strength to be as brave as you. Stay strong you owe it to yourselves.

Maw sending you hugs xx

I still have Mr.GG13. My Mum died 20 months ago and I feel lost, devastated and so alone. I nursed her at my home for the last 4 months and at times I was exhausted and did get cross, but I never stopped loving her.

She was my best friend and all things we used to do together, lunches, shopping or just popping in and out of each other's home I physically ache with the loss. My sister and I have become closer in our grief, but we both say that we feel that there is no one who is 100% on our side.

Pastel. Losing two people so close together is very hard. Sending good wishes and hugs x

Maw - I understand exactly how you feel. I was widowed just over twenty years ago when I was 42. Everywhere I looked there seemed to be couples and I found it so hard to come to terms with being without my lovely husband. Time does help - for me the arrival of my grandchildren made a difference as they have helped patch over the gap left by the loss of their Grandfather but I still miss him and still long for the days when we were together, it just isn't the same. I keep busy and have, in the last year, become a Trustee for a local charity which helps fill in time and has brought me a lot of nice contacts with others. My DD is now in her fourth year as a single parents after ex SIL walked out on them and she has pointed out that at least I have the comfort of knowing that her Dad would still be with me if he had had the choice - another way of looking at things.

Frangess2000.
You are so fight about Cruse. I had one-to-one counselling with them about six months in. It was a real help. I am in my third year now and the grief is not so raw but, it will never stop hurting.
I have joined Wayup, a group with local branches where widows and widowers meet up. Locally a new group has just started and the first meet is next week,
I keep busy as secretary of a couple of organisations but, the evenings are the worst, I do meet up with friends for cinema and theatre visits too.
Nest week is my 75th birthday and what would have been our Silver anniversary and I am not looking forward to either but, I shall get through it.

Hello there
Have you considered some sort of counselling... something like CRUISE are immensely experienced and I understand that they can be very helpful... especially when you are saying to yourself...is this all there is ... if you can do contact them

You do get used to living a different life, can be very happy, but if it's your sole mate really I still and always feel the loss of him. He was my best friend and that leaves a hole no one can fill. I don't talk of it to anyone, get on with things, holidays and time with friends, it was a big birthday in the family, a beloved granddaughter 18, had a wonderful time, with family I but came home and cried, I just missed him. Time helps and you have to work at it.

Hugs to all of you experiencing this deep and painful bereavement. I've been long divorced and happily on my own, and my children are happy and healthy thank God, so have never had this experience. Working as a children's hospice nurse (for a period of time) gave me insight into that kind of grief and I think and pray for all of you, that you are able to have happy memories and some brightness in new life.

Maw you are suffering from both the grief of losing your DH and the resulting loneliness. As you know I understand grief and that is bad enough and can take years and years to come to terms with it. But I haven’t experienced the loneliness. The not having that hand to hold, not being able to share little amusing incidents with or a shoulder to lean on. No one coming home or to come home too.

I can only imagine how hard it must be

Such a sad thread. What I have learned from all these posts is that everyone has some form of sadness in life to cope with. For myself, I have found that trying hard to concentrate on all the positive things: family, friends, warm home, have helped me to be grateful for the 47 years we had together. It's not easy, but what in life is easy? Our local hospice has a bereavement meeting once a month where everyone is in the same position, and the counsellors will listen. I have also found that keeping busy is a good antidote to loneliness, and at times am quite grateful for peace and quiet!

U can totally relate to all your stories as I am also alone and with family problems as well so I can't rely on them to ease my loneliness. What has been helpful to me has been forming a relationship with Jesus; it's not solved all my problems but it's given me hope

Lucky girl it sounds like you and I have similar problems. I have never known the grief that others have experienced but I feel for you. If you are used to love and companionship the loss must break your heart. Bless you.

To MawBroon, anniebach, MissA, Nonnie and others who are coping with the reality of going through life without their loved ones, there is nothing I can say but send warm thoughts to you all

When we lost my brother it was hard but we were not living with the day to day reality of living without a partner as my SIL was. She said people were all so kind but the worst part was coming home alone, no-one to chat to about the day - and for her, trying to cope with those jobs which DB always did and which she found so frustrating - she said she became irrationally distressed about them and cross with DB for leaving her.

And for others coping with a 'living bereavement