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Bereavement

Golden Wedding Anniversary

(33 Posts)
Granny23 Fri 15-Feb-19 10:12:44

It is (or should have been) my Sister's Golden Wedding on (of all things) Brexit Day. It was our GW 3 years ago and my Sister, who was of course my Bridesmaid, joined forces with my DDs to organise a wonderful celebration for us. I was her Bridesmaid 50 years ago and would like to do something special for her to mark the day.

BUT, and it is a big BUT, she has been widowed for 6 years and I haven't a clue as to what might be appropriate, or indeed, if it would be best to leave the day unmarked. Hence my post seeking guidance from Gransnetters who may have been 'celebrating' a big anniversary on their own. Any thoughts?

janeainsworth Fri 15-Feb-19 10:19:10

G23 My Mum was widowed after 32 years of marriage, at the age of 53.
She was staying with me on what would have been her Golden Wedding.
I nipped out and came back with a large bouquet of golden flowers.
She really appreciated it. She wasn’t really a going-out-for-a-meal sort of person and the bouquet was enough.
I hope you can help your sister and share some happy memories.

MawBroon Fri 15-Feb-19 10:29:34

I sent my dear MIL a bouquet of yellow/golden flowers on what would have been her Golden Wedding, but she had lost FIL just a year or so before and she was touched that I had remembered.
In your place I would still send flowers and say you are thinking of her.
Looking ahead I have another 18 months until what would have been our Golden Wedding and I don’t think that will be uppermost in my thoughts, just remembering the happy years.
Can’t go wrong with flowers 🌼🌼

sweetpea Fri 15-Feb-19 10:43:41

My brother died six months short of his 70th birthday. We had a family lunch, just his wife, my OH and I, our daughters, SinL and the three GC. We had a room to ourselves at the restaurant so it was lovely to have time to remonisce and have a blub at the same time. I think things like that should still be celebrated.

NotSpaghetti Fri 15-Feb-19 10:43:41

I wouldn't make a big fuss. Just mark it quietly. She will appreciate that you remembered.

Telly Fri 15-Feb-19 10:44:58

Well I would speak to her and ask her if she would like to mark the anniversary with you? Perhaps lunch somewhere nice? She may of course not wish to mark the day but I would not do anything without testing the waters. It is kind of you to be so thoughtful.

Esmerelda Fri 15-Feb-19 10:45:51

Excellent suggestions above, and if your sister is the kind of person who likes company it might be an idea to invite her to stay for a bit. Then you can maybe spend some time on the day remembering good times and looking at photographs (with your daughters if you think that appropriate).

blueskies Fri 15-Feb-19 11:08:44

I was widowed at a very young age and always felt upset when my mum still sent a card each year. Now I wish that just one member of my family would remember my wedding anniversary as even significant ones come and go. A bunch of flowers would be enough.

littleflo Fri 15-Feb-19 11:10:29

A meal and some flowers to let her know you are thinking of her.

SueDoku Fri 15-Feb-19 11:15:04

Your sister obviously got married on the same day as me OP. In my case, DH walked out after 26 years, leaving me with two teenagers.
We've managed to remain civil (mainly, I must admit, for the sake of the AC & DGC) but I too will be marking Brexit day with a strong sense of what might have been...sad
The suggestions above are lovely and I'm sure that your sister will really appreciate your kindness and thoughtfulness.

Theoddbird Fri 15-Feb-19 11:47:26

I think the idea of a special bouquet is lovely. It is, after all, not a celebration. It is now about remembering a special person.

Aepgirl Fri 15-Feb-19 12:30:32

Had my husband not walked out on me, it would have been our GW this year. I have decided that I will mark the occasion (celebrate is not the right word) by taking my daughter and family out for a meal and hope I will be able to enjoy it.

NanKate Fri 15-Feb-19 13:06:33

Have you thought of taking her out for a Cream tea to give her the opportunity of being with family and celebrating her marriage?

It always makes me sad when someone says ‘it would have been my Anniversary today’ but they have no one to talk to about the significant date.

arosebyanyothername Fri 15-Feb-19 13:17:39

My mum was widowed after 45 years. She never mentioned her anniversary after that but I took her a bunch of yellow/gold flowers on the date of their 50th and she really appreciated them. We spent the afternoon reminiscing. I’m glad I didn’t let it pass unmarked

Tillybelle Fri 15-Feb-19 13:37:15

MawBroon to the happy years Maw! 🌻🌻🌼🌼😇🍰🥂

grandtanteJE65 Fri 15-Feb-19 14:30:27

You sound close to your sister, so I think you should ask her whether she wants to mark the day or not. Tell her you would like to do something special for her on the day, but try to find out what she would like.

If she says, she doesn't want to mark the day, go along with that, though if she were my sister I would buy her a little present and give it to her a few days after her wedding anniversary.

Pat1949 Fri 15-Feb-19 14:40:21

As suggested flowers would be a nice gesture and a cream tea.

newnanny Fri 15-Feb-19 14:57:36

On what would have been my dear Aunties Ruby wedding anniversary, my Uncle had died two years before, I bought a lot of red coloured plants and planted them up in two lovely planters. She was a keen gardener, as was mu Uncle, and she loved them. She cried when I gave them to her and told me Uncle would have loved them too. They were given several presents by friends and family but she told me my gift was her favourite as she sat in the garden in the evening with a glass of wine, looking at them and thinking of her husband. If she has lost her husband would she appreciate going on a weekend break with you?

Yorkshiregirl Fri 15-Feb-19 15:12:51

I would have a heart to heart with her, and explain you wouldn't want to upset her but would enjoy doing something special to mark the occasion with her.
Perhaps visiting a special place they had, where they met or married. Perhaps a stay overnight, and a special meal. Let her remember the happy times while holding her hand x

Granny23 Fri 15-Feb-19 15:23:38

My sister and I have always been close, so I know that she is troubled about what to do re the GW anniversary. Neither her son nor her Daughter have made any mention of it so far. She does not know if they are making secret plans, have decided it is best left unmarked or have simply forgotten all about it.

I have made a point of not interfering in the family politics of my sister's family which have been fraught since her DD's divorce, when my sister maintained friendly relations with her DD's ex. I eventually told her that I thought she was wrong to do so, which resulted in a coolness for some time. However I am wondering now if a carefully worded message to her DD to see if they have any plans for the day might be the way to proceed, before I do anything.

PamSJ1 Fri 15-Feb-19 15:34:13

We didn’t quite make it to our 30th anniversary as my husband died a few months before suddenly at 51. My son and daughter arranged to take me for lunch to mark the day. We also took my granddaughter to the animal corner at the park. It was both happy and sad but lovely to get together and talk about my husband.

Oldandverygrey Fri 15-Feb-19 17:25:46

Granny23 - my friend has just celebrated her Golden Wedding Anniversary, widowed 5 years ago so we bought her a rose tree which was called Golden Wedding, purchased at our Garden Centre. She was very pleased with her gift, and we were pleased that she was happy with it.

M0nica Fri 15-Feb-19 17:32:44

Our best man and, with his wife, our closest friends, died three years before their GW. Both couples married within months of each other.

We took our friend out to dinner to celebrate the anniversary and remember our loss. We bought her a beautiful card with a blank page inside for our personal message plus some flowers.

Three weeks later she joined us to celebrate our GW

trendygran Fri 15-Feb-19 20:15:00

I agree with others that a special bunch of flowers,or a quiet meal out,if your sister would enjoy that. .,
My late SIL ,many years ago, still held a family party on what would have been her Golden Wedding. It was good in that it got my late DH’s family together -a rare event now as we have lost several members . That’s not for everyone ,I guess, but she seemed to enjoy seeing everyone and feeling there was at least a family celebration that day.

Tweedle24 Fri 15-Feb-19 21:18:28

I am sure she would appreciate you acknowledging the day, She will certainly remember herself and will appreciate it if you remember too. A bouquet of flowers and an offer to spend the day with her, take her out to lunch or something similar would be a great comfort. Give her the opportunity to tell you how she would like to mark the day and don’t be offended if she says she would rather spend the day quietly at home by herself.