I could echo just about everything that has been said - apart from the new partner bit, I have no interest in another man.
But all the rest, yes.
However much the loss may not be unexpected - long term or terminal illness, I have earned that there is no way you can “rehearse” bereavement.Yes you may feel all the things you expected but you also fe el a great deal more.
I was prepared for loss, denial, anger, guilt etc but they haven’t come in any linear pattern. Rather a cycle which swings round and comes back, often when you least expect it. The first months are hell, but at least (most) people take your bereavement into consideration. For me, 18 months on and possibly because I don’t go to pieces in public, I think most people think I am “doing fine”. But there is no such thing other than the ability to get out of bed and put one foot in front of the other.
Being the odd number when kind friends include me in invitations, arriving at family celebrations on my own, when the other grandparents arrive as a couple, wondering if I will just sit on my own on the coach on a day trip (actually that’s fine, I can do the Sudoku or Codewords) but it’s harder when the couples go off to lunch, having to take a deep breath, pin the smile on and initiate a conversation with complete strangers rather than sit there like a Johnny no mates .....the list goes on. But the bottom line is that I can’t turn the clock back, I can’t share things with him and it’s just me now.
Oh and Hattie, but she doesn’t say much.
to you all, and raising a to our dear departed partners.