Luckygirl Somedays it really feels like it isn't and you crawl through every minute wondering why you bother. All you can see is an overwhelming mess of awfulness and no way through it. It's your mind's way of telling you to step back, lick your wounds and heal. Life is often hard, for lots of people but it doesn't mean we can't reach out to each other when needed. It's what makes being human worthwhile.
That awful, all consuming darkness doesn't last, I promise. Just hang in there. It might not be quick, but it will be worth it. This current situation will change and get better, you will be able to be with your family again, and you will be able to hold the memory of your OH in your heart and find comfort from thinking of him.
You can even be ragingly angry at people like me sounding all glib if you like - if it helps, let rip. Just hang in there and give yourself a chance.