funerals

MrOops and I have have a note to say that we would prefer a Direct Cremation, but that it’s ultimately up to our daughters to decide, which is fine if they both agree, but not if they both have different views, as we don’t want them to fall out over it.

MIL had a Direct Cremation during the first Covid lockdown and we were all fine with that, her ashes are yet to be scattered, hopefully we will do this this Summer when all our families can get together.

MrOops and I will have to have a rethink and either say that this is absolutely what we want or just let it go and let them decide when it happens.

A friends wife was adamant that she wanted to be cremated, but he had her buried in the churchyard, much to his families dismay, but he said it was his decision to make and not theirs……

I keep getting pop ups for direct cremation services but it’s not for me, I want a proper service with beautiful flowers (from close family only) my favourite songs blaring out and the eulogy written & read by my children followed by a good wake with a traditional buffet. This is what we did for my DH, his wake was held at the local Cricket Club where he had played for many years, man & boy, the weather was beautiful and we all sat outside. I was in a daze at times and it was of course so very sad but it was also a lovely day when so many people came together to celebrate his life, it was what he would have wanted. The flowers weren’t wasted, I asked some very close friends and family if they would like to take a single rose or some flowers home and then we had flowers taken to the graves of some of my my DH family & also to a close friend who we sadly lost 20 years ago. I also brought some home.
We had a collection and made generous donations to a cancer charity & to the local hospice who had been so helpful to us.
I hate the idea of being whisked off in the back of a van to be cremated with no service (not that I would know anything about it I suppose) I do think the funeral service and the stories people recollect about the deceased at the wake afterwards help the family through such an awful time, but of course it’s each to their own. I do realise that if I live to be very old there may not be too many people left to attend! Anyway, I have made this known to all of my DC and hopefully they will carry out my wishes, I’ll be paying for it after all

My parents have recently sat with my siblings and me to inform us of their funeral desires. Both wanting very different approaches. But it’s been so helpful as we now know what each want to the letter and will organise accordingly when the time comes. (Both parents are 80, and we are so lucky to have not lost either parent yet, many of my peers are not in that situation)

My stepfather died in August and this is what he had. We have a mixed up family and his children were estranged so he didn’t want any family arguments and upset. So his body was taken from the family home where he died and cremated a couple of weeks later. Mum got his ashes back in a cardboard box and she is going to bury them under a tree in the spring. He is religious so his congregation held a zoom memorial.

I’m of the opinion that I would rather see people while I’m alive so will probably do this as well. Then I’d love my loved ones to go on a lovely holiday together with the money it would have cost for a funeral.

My SF did ask if anyone wanted to donate money he’d like it to be to McMillan nurses so we all donated to that.

My mother is in end of life care now. I found out this week she's asked for a direct cremation. I'm not sure how I feel about it.

On one hand, she didn't want anyone other than family to be informed about her death, so I understand why she made this choice. And we're not religious so...

On the other hand, I'm not her direct next of kin, because I live at the other end of the country so I won't be given her ashes.

Just not sure about it at all really. Funerals while grim are a rite of passage.

Funerals ! Well, all my wishes are logged and dated on paper to save my DD and DS the worry of what would i like, the money is set aside, I'm an organ donor and thats logged on my health records and everyone knows i want my aome of my ashes placed in fireworks , so all is suited and booted.

I'm a big believer in dotting the i's and crossing the t's cards on the table and all that, there is enough upset without adding to it.

I’ve just attended my mother’s funeral, which I arranged on behalf of my six siblings. We kept it simple, but it still included a Celebrant and a full service prior to cremation. I’ve conducted funerals myself so I was fully aware of everything that needed to be done, but it is still a very time-consuming process and there were many decisions to be made.

One of my brothers announced at mum’s wake that he has paid for a Direct Cremation and left instructions for his best friend to arrange it, then two weeks later to inform us that our brother has died. ??????

My own instructions are written in a file that I keep on the ‘desktop’ of my computer. My husband is very grateful that I’ve given him a ‘Dummies Guide’ to follow. ?

My mum died a month ago. She'd fallen out with everyone, all her friends and family. So we had a direct funeral and this week we intered her ashes into my dad's grave. I stood with my children and I read the 23rd psalm. I hope she was happy with what we did

GagaJo

My mother is in end of life care now. I found out this week she's asked for a direct cremation. I'm not sure how I feel about it.

On one hand, she didn't want anyone other than family to be informed about her death, so I understand why she made this choice. And we're not religious so...

On the other hand, I'm not her direct next of kin, because I live at the other end of the country so I won't be given her ashes.

Just not sure about it at all really. Funerals while grim are a rite of passage.

I am so sorry to hear Gaga- but for me, the wishes of the person are paramount- their life, their death and their after ...

Nothing to stop you from having some sort of celebration with close family and friends at some point- it does not have to be a 'funeral'.

Courage.x

Such a pity so many families do not discuss what they want and how they want things to be done- as it causes so much heartache and arguments, at the worst possible time.

Kali2

Such a pity so many families do not discuss what they want and how they want things to be done- as it causes so much heartache and arguments, at the worst possible time.

For anyone wanting to tackle this discussion I recommend Age UK’s ‘Life Book’. This short booklet has space for people to write their wishes regarding funerals etc. and also to make notes of other information that’s pertinent when someone dies.

We've prepaid simple cremation funerals with AgeConcern. I'd actually now prefer a direct cremation but not sure we can change. In any event funerals are for the living, not the dead, so I ought to ask the children how they feel about it. I certainly don't want eldest son spending hard earned money on flying back to the UK for a funeral. See me while I'm alive, bring me flowers while I can enjoy them. Once I'm dead take the easiest path, I know you loved me.

What they usually do here is show a video of photos going through the life of the person who has died. It is amazing what some people have done in their lives and a funeral is a good time to show it. I was stunned to hear about a major extended cycle trip one older man I knew had done right across Australia. I only knew him as a fairly frail person and to see him energetic,young and fit was so wonderful.