Letter fr SD Should I respond

Sorry for the loss of your Dh Droopdrawers.
I would personaly bin it,you have nothing to say to her,she made her choice and she can live with it.
She may well feel guilty,but now is not the time to write to you.
please take care.

Condolences for the loss of your DH

Nannarose suggestion of 1) putting your SD's letter away for a while and 2) writing a reply and putting that away are really good ideas.

Or write 2 letters to be put away and re-read at a future date.

One letter saying everything you wish to say - probably not ever to be sent.

One letter with very simple statements of :-

I am sorry for your loss. I accept you are grieving too.

I ensured you were notified of your fathers death I will not ( please don't use can not) be held responsible for the choice you made on receipt of that information.

Whilst I am sad (the word is sad not sorry)for the lost years I am not, nor ever have been responsible for the choices of others be they you or your father.

I wish you well as you find your way through your grief.

Kind Regards ...

A card might be better as it limits the space to write and keeps you concise.

It's a softer form of the Queen's 'Never explain, never complain'

It states your position firmly without getting you into an emotional tangle that can latter keep this dragging on and I don't think anyone would benefit from that. You certainly don't need to get dragged into anything.

As someone said your SD has a family to take care of her your major role is to keep yourself emotionally safe and to Take Care of yourself.

Good Luck and I'm sure you'll find a way through this difficult time.

Bin the letter and forget it.

Thank you all for your comments. They have been most helpful. I went to my husbands grave this morning and cried my heart out. I know he would have been furious and he would tell me to dismiss it. I have decided to take the general advise and put the letter away for now until I am in a calmer frame of mind. I spoke to my BIL about this and he was very upset. He thinks she is looking for a reaction to open a dialogue to see if there is anything for her. He also pointed out that she had contact with family members as she knew details about the funeral and why didn’t she ask them to act on her behalf if she wanted to be involved. He told me to look after myself and forget the whole thing. So once again, thank you all. I will update you when or if I make a decision. Xx

I'm glad you are putting it to one side Droopdrawers, it's all so overwhelming and terribly sad isn't it.

I do agree with your BIL following my experience with my 'new' stepson, she will want to see if she is mentioned. I was horrified when he asked to see the will and worried he would try to contest it. I had given him copies of the Condolence book pages and photos to take away, I didn't even think of giving him a copy of the will at the time of his visit. I had a mirror will with my husband with the stepson as a 'long stop', and changed it as soon as I could face doing it.

Thank you for letting us know, and I'm glad you have someone to talk to.

Would it perhaps help you to ask a trusted friend or relative to help you draft a response to the letter... to be completely honest part of me says ignore and the other half says respond. If someone else were to help you it might have less of an emotional overtone to it.

Sometimes we say more with silence than we ever can with words.
Ignore the letter.