1Summer I am sorry about your husband's death. But as I have said on various breavenment threads. In my experience there is no getting over the death of the other half of you. My husband died 18.5 years ago aged 47 I was 45. Now 64. From the moment he took his last breath I lost half of me and haven't been whole since.
Grief like love never dies but you learn to cope. And it's bloody hard. Even know I shout out loud this shouldn't be my life.
I will tell you the same as I always say. Talk out loud to your husband everyday day. Scream,shout,swear,cry or hit a pillow do not hold your feelings in you only hurt yourself. I found that out the hard way.
What shocked me was the anger and rage I felt when me husband died. I thought I am was wicked but it's all part of grieving. Even after all these years the grief just overwhelms me so I let myself have a good cry and feel better.
Unfortunately after the funeral friends and family will disappear in a puff of smoke. So then you find out who really loves and cares about you and your husband.
Even after all these years I still hate the empty bed,still call myself Mrs,still wear my wedding ring and I am still married. I hate being classed as single.
There is no right or wrong in grief. You probably feel you do want to get out of bed,shower or have a wash ,brush your teeth and eat . But you have to . And it's hard.
I had been with my husband since I was 16 he was 18. Together 29 years married 22. In 2001 we where told he had a malignant melanoma grade 4 and had 5 years . He lived 3. Our children where 20 and 16 when he died.
My husband was a wise man and knew what I needed to live without him . He made me keep some promises but the main one was live the best life you can. I have kept every one of those promises as they are important to me.
I call the first 10 years early grief as that's my experience. You have to face each day the best way you can. Do not let anyone expect or force you into making decisions . Only do what you have to do. As the funeral is today I assume everything is in the hands of the solicitor regarding his will. Getting probate takes at least 6 months.
I slept with a toy snowman for 8 months as I needed something to hold. My cousin's who's wife died aged 53 ,5 years ago still sleeps with her pillow behind him. I couldn't sort out my husband's clothes for 8 months my daughter did it with me. But my husband never wore deo or aftershave or anything that smelt. So I kept a coat that smelt of him until 3 years ago when I moved house. It had long lost his smell and was going mouldy. I kept his pillows for 10 years before replacing them because they smelt of him.
For 14 years I relived the last 2 weeks of his life leading up to his death like watching an old film. And on the anniversary of his death I was a sodden mess. Our children used to text to check I was ok I always said I was fine. They never knew how I was until the 14th year when my daughter phoned and it all came out . Both our children said why didn't you tell us and I said I was protecting them. They said what from and said me . I vowed that day never to get like that again and kept my word.
I have found birthday's and Christmas fine to cope with but it's the anniversary of his death that still gets to me . We married in May 1981 but can never look at our photo album on the day but a few days later. But I remember and laugh at all the things that went wrong that day .
Anyone who expects you to get over your husband's death they are not worth knowing. You will never get over it but you learn to cope . Take your time . And talk out loud to your husband everyday day I promise it helps. I have shouted and blamed my husband for leaving me, when my house sale fell through twice I blamed him. But I felt better afterwards. I haven't got anything with his voice on but remember have he said things. And I still see him with that stupid grin on his face.
Half of me died but I am lucky I was with a kind,loving, infuriating , stubborn man for 29 years. But some people live their whole life and never find their other half. I found mine.
I am an atheist but believe my husband lives on in our children and 5 grandson's they all have part of his DNA and that gives me comfort.
Take one day at time. Do not be brave . But look after yourself wash, brush your teeth,eat and drink . You our that to yourself and feel lucky you had your husband in your life.
Once you have found and lost the other half of you doesn't matter if you have been together a year or 50+ you are never whole again. But this is my experience.
You will get through today and tomorrow because you have been loved and given love in return.
Hope at least one thing I have said has helped. ?
