My husband and I don't want a funeral when we die

Calipso

My Mum's funeral was just lovely, not a sad day at all but a celebration of her long life. I had planned it with my brother and it gave me such comfort. Her whole family was there including all her grandchildren and great grandchildren including two little babes in arms.
She would have really enjoyed it.

Ditto both my mum and dad’s funerals.

I kept the service short and exactly as they would have wanted it, then had a great wake and truly celebrated their lives.

It helped us all enormously in the grieving process.

I don't know what I want - but I do know I have been to funerals where grief was dramatic but definitely insincere acting - as well as the genuine ones.

I ve now arranged and paid for my simple cremation co op was the cheapest and I got £175 in co op stamps back so useful 🤣🤣🤣
My eldest who lives in my town can really rest now as I ve done it and she knows to have a little meal out if there’s anyone around to have it with and then my ashes can either go in the North sea or our nearby Bluebell woods both places I love Hopefully I ve taken all the pressure off her
She knows about it all and is in agreement all my paperwork is up to date and in a fireproof case in my bedroom
I can rest now it’s all done and dusted
My children and grandchildren that live overseas can visit while I m still alive ( hopefully) instead

What can you spend the co op stamps on, BlueBelle ?

I won't be having a funeral. The death of anyone you love is upsetting.
I've seen many people start to accept the death of someone they love but feel upset as they don't know how they will cope with the funeral. On the day they have been heartbreakingly upset again .
I will have already died and I don't want my family to go through a service. They can all get together for a meal or each remember me in what ever way they feel comfortable.

I don't think anyone has accepted it by the time the funeral happens.

Not having a funeral is becoming more and more common, though.

I shall have a woodland burial, next to my husband who died last year. What sort of service will be up to my family, but if I am still attending church I would expect them to invite the vicar to lead something informal with beautiful music, as we did for DH., for close family only. We had a service in church a month later attended by many, including those watching the live-stream or the recording. I don’t expect the family to do that for me as they are not particularly religious.
I do think funerals are for the living and they will mourn or celebrate my life in their own way.

Both our bodies are are donated to science.
Hopefully they still want them when the time comes. 😂
I asked my daughter if she wanted the bodies ( after 3 years) she said what for 😂

Food or anything Coop sells missA maybe a bottle of wine or two 🤣🤣🤣 hic

Have you got a contingency plan, Petra?

Yes, you do need to have a plan B in place, just in case they don't accept the body, which can happen for any number of reasons - and did in the case of my mother, as at the time, they already had their full quota.

Two of my friends have opted for the science route but both have paid for a simple cremation in case My daughter didn’t want me to give my body and I respect her opinion, as others have said it’s for the living and what’s comfortable for them

Thank you.
Not for me, then, a lot of shilly shallying around.

I just want to get the job done and dusted.

Me too MissA that’s why I ve done it all so no one else has to do anything when time comes
My mum wanted burying dad wanted cremating but went along with mum, so when they died I knew dad would want to be with her so had a double grave but it was so difficult all the arrangements (6 months apart) etc so wanted to make it as easy as possible for my kids (well my daughter, as my other kids live away overseas)

MissAdventure

I don't think anyone has accepted it by the time the funeral happens.

Not having a funeral is becoming more and more common, though.

It is and it’s a very personal thing, but I do know a couple of people, those left behind, who felt something was “missing” from the grieving process.

I find the idea of not having a funeral odd, and would never have not had funerals for my parents. For both of them my children talked about their grandparents with love and humour. They really were able to capture their grandparents exactly. It’s part of the grieving process, and although we had a wake, with food (people who had travelled needed to be fed) we most certainly did not have a party, just a pleasant coming together of family and close friends over food and a drink.
I will not leave any instructions regarding myself because a funeral is for the living, not the dead. It’s an opportunity to acknowledge the grief, and to remember the person, and to draw comfort from being with the people who also cared for the person who has died.

Each to their own. OP’s business is not mine and mine’s my own.

My daughter agrees that I should have a funeral and be buried when I die. She said that she needs to sit somewhere near me and finish all the interrupted conversations we never quite finished.

I am opting for a Direct Cremation. One of the reasons is that we moved here 7 years ago, most of out long term friends are in different part of the country. My thoughts were to hire somewhere after and get everyone over and have a party/get together.
The other reason is that my brother took his own life several years ago and no-one had the money to pay for his funeral. It was paid for of course eventually.
I want mine sorted so family don’t have to deal with it.
All this is still being mulled over by me!

This arrangement can of course be changed/added to.

I have three children and seven grandkids two children and five grandkids live overseas and probably won’t be able to come to any funeral my two grandkids that live in Uk may not ( seems likely) by the time I die leaving one daughter to have to do everything with little or no support I don’t have any one else in the world no siblings, no parents, no aunt uncles cousins all gone
I do not want her shoulders to have the take any weight so a simple cremation sounds and feels right for me
If I have any friends left they can have a tea party after it’s all done ….my ashes can go to sea or in the woods it’s only dust after all

Funerals are for the living. I don't have any faith and I want a green burial. I have been to a few funerals and what has distressed me most is when the celebrant obviously didn't know the person. I trust my children to give me the send off they think I deserve.

Burn and return for me
Don’t want my family stood at a cremation
When ashes are returned, they can take them where I want them scattered the next day,the next month or even the next year,up to them,then when the scattering is done on the return home to go somewhere have a nice meal and raise a glass
That will do …

Yongy

Once any useful body parts have been removed we are to be cremated. If our family wish to have a party to remember us that is up to them.

Do other members of this forum not wish to have a funeral either?

If you’re an older person then doubtful they’ll want any body parts/organs.
Of course you don’t have to have a funeral, there’s a service where you can just be carted off and cremated.
A bit sad for the relatives tho.

It is of no interest to me what happens to me after I die. I will not be around to know whay happens.

However, I have children and grandchildren whom I love dearly and I believe love me too, and therefore when i die I wish them to make the decisions about how my obsequies should be conducted so that they can tailor them to suit the form that brings them most peace and consolation.

Surely the ultimate selfishness is to deprive those who, hopefully, love you best, from being able to part from you after death in the manner that will most assuage their grief.