My husband and I don't want a funeral when we die

The vicar delivered a very good eulogy for my mother. He took time to get to know about her (it was the parish where she was born and lived her early life). I also intend that the vicar will give a short eulogy at my funeral. It’s not a burden I wish to place on my son or, if he is still alive, my husband. I only want a very short Church service, no long or effusive eulogy or anyone considering whether it is ‘satisfactory’. It is customary in my family for the vicar to deliver the eulogy.

I would honour my loved ones wishes though not necessarily agree with them. It mattered to me my mother and father and my husband had a funeral with all family and friends there, anyone who loved them saying goodbye. A proper goodbye.
Personally I would like a similar funeral, but doubt it would not matter to my children although if I told my son he would abide by my wishes. I don’t like the idea of no one being there and my body treated of no consequence. Respect and love at the end of life is to me precious. Not my body treated as an object to be disposed of as quick as possible.

There have been no funerals in my family since we discovered they aren’t compulsory. I’ve told my offspring to have a good meal out if they want to celebrate my life.

Our family is scattered all over the UK and the world. DH and I would much rather they gave the expense that travelling to our funerals would involve to their favourite charity. I would like my ashes to be scattered in flowing water (but that’s another can of worms) but I will leave it up to my AC as to what they want to do. If having a funeral makes it easier for them so be it.

My husband and I are opting for direct cremations after which our ashes will be scattered at our special place and there will be a family and friends gathering to remember us by in their own way and a tribute page online where people who cannot attend can donate to a designated charity/organisation and or send 'a thought' and light candles in rememberance if they wish. Everyone will be able to choose something of ours to remember us by and we already have our wishes for our property and other assets in our Wills. We have agreed everything with our family.

Remember funeral, or no funeral, plans are for the living. You have no means of knowing, or controlling how your body is disposed of after you have died.

I am leaving it to my children to do what they want to do when the time arrives. What I do want, is for them to dispose of my remains in a way that brings them most solace and I care not what that way may be.

My partner wants a’budget’cremation - involves being taken from the hospital for cremation and then the ashes are collected. I’m gradually coming round to the idea because it means whatever family are left can have their own celebration of his life.

Each to their own. I detest the idea of my corpse rotting in a coffin, I much prefer to have a cremation, end of story. I know of Christians, including the clergy, who wish to have cremations with no one present.

You won’t know anything about it, you’ll be dead.

For me a green burial in woodland next to my late husband. The service will be simple, eulogy and a favourite poem. Family and very close friends, followed by lunch at our favourite restaurant.

Yongy

Each to their own. I detest the idea of my corpse rotting in a coffin, I much prefer to have a cremation, end of story. I know of Christians, including the clergy, who wish to have cremations with no one present.

Each to their own, no connection with being Christian or a member of the clergy.

I’m going to have a direct cremation and my ashes scattered in my favourite spot in Wales.
I will leave money for my family to enjoy a good meal together instead of a funeral and they all know and respect my wishes.

My husband passed away 23 months ago. We had discussed having a Direct Cremation. Very simple to arrange. He would have had a big birthday later that year for which he had 'requested ' a party. I knew as did he eventually he wasn't going to make that party. I discussed how we could celebrate his life with family. We unanimously agreed he would have his birthday remembered by inviting friends and family to a supper, followed by birthday cake. Our 8 yr old great grandaughter had asked if Pops was having a cake...why not..so we did. It was a perfect night he would thoroughly approved of. I shall have a Direct Cremation too.

The more I read this thread, the more I am coming round to having a huge funeral with lots of wreaths a choral Requiem Mass followed by a big party in the local pub.

To have my remains quickly tidied up and out of the way like something noxious the cat brought in, seems to me, now, to degrade the individuaal and their life and reduce them, both literally and figuratively to nothing.

In fact many people are deluding themselves. There is no difference between a private cremation followed by a party and a funeral service followed by a party, In fact I think the party will go with much more pizzazz, if you havehad some sort of commemoration before hand. It could follow the quaker pattern and just be a quiet room with friends and families gathered together in silence to remember the loss, with either a eulogy by someone who knew the corpse well, or several people who reflect on different aspects of their lives.

Then when that is over, party, remember the dear departed at their worse, revivie stories of them misbehaving and swing from the chandeliers.

MOnica, your post raised a smile for me. Years before my husband’s diagnosis, followed too quickly by his death, he announced none of this wearing pink and no singing - I want everone wearing black and weeping because I’m dead, sing Jerusalem and play Nimrod. Big gathering of my family snd friends
That’s what we did. Beautiful service in the village Church, vicar a friend, Church full to bursting. Burial in the woodland remembrance garden (family only). Reception at a good local venue where we exhibited some of his art work and published books
A real commemoration of a life well lived -

Good post @Monica I completely agree.

Fine - your choice

Was this intended to be controversial?

No, not controversial, just, dare I say it, light-hearted.

However, in many ways true, a private cremation followed by a party is just as much a funeral as an elaborate religious cermony and a party.

Why people are so averse to a good funeral I really do not understand. A good funeral, is anything you want it to be. Some years ago I arranged an uncle's cremation and funeral. he was not a religious man, so we had no minister humanist or anything else there. I put together a programme of poetry and readings based on his life and interests and, I gave the eulogy, with my children.

I think people are anti-funeral because they are so tied into the idea that it has to have someone professional to lead the event and follow a certain set of rituals (non-religious).

When in actual fact the best funerals are a gathering of those who loved the deceased, remembering that person, how they wanted to - and then having a good party

Funerals are for the living not the dead. Following someone's wishes can be a comfort, a last gift or a painful ignoring of ones own needs in bereavement. I will leave what happens entirely up to my kids and what they want to do.

I agree wh you Madgran77

My Mum's funeral was just lovely, not a sad day at all but a celebration of her long life. I had planned it with my brother and it gave me such comfort. Her whole family was there including all her grandchildren and great grandchildren including two little babes in arms.
She would have really enjoyed it.

I am not having a funeral. I've spoken to my daughters and they think that's okay with them.
I've stated , I wish to be taken from where I die direct to local crematorium and tell them to deal with it. I have an insurance to pay for this in place.

I want everything! My selected music and the black horse with plumes

My husband and I have decided to leave our bodies to medical science. One of the main reasons is that we live abroad and over here you could die on the Monday and be buried on the Wednesday which logistically would make a funeral quite unrealistic. However, I am compiling a playlist as long as my arm for my daughter to play at a small family gathering.

M0nica

Remember funeral, or no funeral, plans are for the living. You have no means of knowing, or controlling how your body is disposed of after you have died.

I am leaving it to my children to do what they want to do when the time arrives. What I do want, is for them to dispose of my remains in a way that brings them most solace and I care not what that way may be.

Same here.