Missing someone

Glad it helped to write it down Whiff. Sorry your course was only 8 weeks but what a terrific experience you have had. Maybe you might keep in touch with one or two of the people you have met or they may re run the course, or a different one?
Enjoy next week and keep on with your new hobby.

See if you can find a way to continue your new hobby, Whiff. Or maybe see what other classes are available. It is good to have a regular focus on an activity. I have three choirs, but in the holidays when they stop I feel bereft. This summer I went on two singing summer schools to help bridge the gap.

So many decisions to make alone when your husband is no longer around to share them. I try to look for the positives.
I am about to have the decorator in. At least there will be no argument over colours. But the room will soon look very different from the one he knew and I find that a bit scary.

silverlining thank you. Writing it down helps hence my rambles. It's not having my other half to tell everything to thats hard. You know what that feels like. I can talk to my daughter and friends but not as honestly as I can here . Only one person knew the real me and he died 20.5 years ago . No one will ever know the real me again . But at least I had him for 29 years .

Cabbie thank you. What helped me is moving here I choose all different colours to my old house . And surprised myself with the colours I choose. But very happy with my choices . Having new bedding helped after my husband died as I choose something different to what he would have liked. And changed my bedding again when I moved to match my new colours. Still my old furniture as we brought very good quality. And added a few new pieces . Even my garden only has things I like. It's strange but freeing choosing new colours ,plants etc.

My York holiday dispelled the ghosts from 2005 and looked at York with fresh eyes. Even looking at the minister and the hotel I stayed at I didn't feel anything which made me happy.

Lovely you are in the choirs . I love singing but only have a voice for me ears . Singing is freeing and the social side is very important for your mental health and physical well-being.

Change is scary but your husband would be proud of you for getting on with your life. He is always with you in your mind and heart. And love never dies ..

Gymstagran

I've been reading this thread from the start and tried several times to express how I was feeling but failed. Now missing my daughter has become more acute. I am currently staying in hospital with my granddaughter who has an infected ankle and is facing an operation today to remove the infection. How I wish my daughter was here to talk too.

Just wondered how your granddaughter is after her operation. She is lucky to have her loving gran with her. I hope it all went well.

Hi Crosstichfan the operation went well but she was in a lot of pain afterwards. She was discharged on Friday but has to have iv antibiotics for 4 weeks and physio to help her walk again. The antibiotic type might change depending on what is found out from the cultures of the pus they washed out of her ankle. St Marys Paddington school of infectious diseases is doing the research. Thank you for your concern.

Sounds like your gd has been through the mill but once they know the type of infection she is given the relevant anti biotics.
Wishing you both well.

Gymstagran glad your granddaughter is home and hope they will soon find out what the infection is . And she can get the correct antibiotic . Home is always best for recovery. Having you makes all the difference. 💐

Thank you for your good wishes. I'm missing her today. She lives in London and I live in the Midlands. I shall see her again next weekend.

Good to hear your GD is through the operation.

I shed a few tears last night - I was at my SIL's 50th birthday party and my GSs were playing live in a rock/jazz band - they are both so very talented, and I know how proud my OH was of them - if only he could have been there. And they missed him too.

Luckygirl the celebratory occasions and the worrying times are hard without the ones we loved

Gymstangran good news about your granddaughter. Hope you get to see her soon.
Luckygirl it’s hard isn’t it not to feel sad at times like celebrations or good news when someone special is missing.

Music always does it for me as well. I feel quite wrung out having tried out my new Bluetooth speaker this afternoon. I listened to some playlists on Spotify I’ve been avoiding because they were created for happy occasions like our Golden Wedding party and my 70th.

It had to be done. Neil Diamond was the worst! 🥲

I cannot listen to any of the songs of the late 60s and early 70s when we got together. I miss out on lots of lovely music which I would enjoy but simply cannot cope with them at all.

I can’t listen to anything that is about love or missing someone. Mournful or sad music just wipes me out.

It's only this year I can listen to ELO as they where our favourite group . Even had Mr Blue Sky played as well left the crem .
After my husband died I liked the silence when on my own .The children left 2 years after their dad died it's what I wanted.
I didn't put the TV on until dinner time .
But when I had jaundice in 2017 I couldn't stand the silence had the TV on all day . And then brought myself a dab radio and started to listen to classic FM everyday instead which I still do . From 5 am until if I am in 1 when I put the TV on when I have my lunch. My daughter put Spotify on my phone for me the free on. And have lot of albums mainly orchestras but have albums by ELO ,Abba and Queen. I find the album Crimson flight the most relaxing it's music from a Disney wildlife documentary about flamingos.

Still can't listen to Once ,twice three times a lady by Lionel Richie as that was our first dance and my husband sang it to me while dancing . Funny how I had forgotten thank you for giving me back that memory.

My dad used to love to paint and it is something I never did. Recently, I looked at some of his work and decided to start myself just pottering. I have checked out some You Tube stuff and find that walking in his footsteps, although he is no longer here, helps me to connect with his spirit of creativity. Did your girl or mum have any hobbies that you could try? Perhaps you may feel closer to them?

Doodle

I can’t listen to anything that is about love or missing someone. Mournful or sad music just wipes me out.

Last time I was out, I nipped into a charity shop, and the East17 song, 'Stay' came on.
It has no particular meaning, apart from being around when my girl was a teen, but I immediately started blubbing, snotty nosed and sniffng, eyes all red.

Ed Sheeran’s Castle on a Hill always finishes me.

We used to live near Framlingham when DD was a toddler so when her boys were nine and seven we all had a lovely nostalgic visit to the castle which they loved.

On the way home we sang along to Castle on a Hill. Somehow I knew deep down it was going to be a special memory but thank goodness I didn’t know why at the time.

DD loved my 70’s record collection especially Cat Stevens so when I have one of ‘those days’ I listen to How Can I Tell You? because it sums up exactly how I feel.

I don't know that song, but I dare not listen, or I'll be crying on your behalf.

I listened to music yesterday, and had the prodigy on.
It reminded me of my mum, my girl and me, in Blackpool.

We came across a ride called 'the terminator'...
Oh my word, when we went on, it was the fastest waltzer, ever.
All in pitch black, with strobe lights flashing, and 'Smack my bitch up' so loud it almost burst your eardrums.

Happy memory, that one, but then I get sad because there won't be more like that.

Miss A you did make me laugh when you said your where in pitch black with strobe lights and Smack my bitch up was playing. While it's a bitter sweet memory but you must have all laughed hearing that in the dark . I would have thought a more macabre song to play in that environment.

While it's a happy memory and can't be repeated be happy you did it the 3 generations of you together making than memory .

Tuaim would love to see your pictures. What a lovely way to bring back the memory of your dad. My dad taught me to make jams , marmalade and chutneys . Mom and dad taught both my brother how to cook . And they taught use to ball room dance and my husband when he started going out with him . Plus my dad taught my husband to make home made beer and wines out of fruit and veg.

Merlotgran another happy memory but also sad but true and hold on to the happy memories. Did they play storming the castle and shooting bows and arrows or sword fighting . That's something my kids did when we went to castle's. Can't remember which castle we went to but the highlight for them was seeing an hole that was used as a toilet.

Like all the bereavement threads this isn't all doom and gloom but full of memories even if they produce tears but what lovely memories to have . And those memories keep our loved ones alive in our hearts and minds.

That's so true, Whiff

Thank you.

It's heartbreaking to read of all the loss and sadness on this thread, but it's also remarkable to see the strength and resilience shown by so many when their lives have been torn apart by bereavement.

One of my beloved daughters died nearly two years ago aged just 35. I did not know pain like this existed.

Another of my daughters is now experiencing a really upsetting situation in her own life, and I am so terribly sad for her and my beloved little grandchild. Her sister, to whom she was incredibly close, would have been such an invaluable support to her, and her absence in our lives is felt more acutely than ever.

Her sister, to whom she was incredibly close, would have been such an invaluable support to her

I feel the same sorrow for my younger daughter who won’t have her ‘big sis’ to share her life as time moves on.

I’m so sorry for the loss of your daughter, Tigerpaws

My younger daughter misses her elder sister so much, her husband and children miss her so much, I miss her so much