Missing someone

Annie
It is coming up to "that time" isn't it?

The day, in particular, makes little difference to me, but the passing of time hurts.

Yes MissAdventure coming to ‘that time’ , a very difficult time
for me, I should have been there . Yes the passing of time hurts,
Both her daughters graduated, her three children have employment which would have made her so happy, her daughters recently moved into an apartment together, brings back time when they were in the family home together , you too have these memories x

I couldn't even begin to imagine how that day feels for you, traumatic doesn't even begin to describe it.

Do you do anything to mark the day, or just wait for it to pass?

How lovely that her girls (women, now, of course) are together in their home.
Again, sometimes even the good things feel sad, but we have to keep it inside.

I doubt there is any mother who was there for their child than you, Annie, by the way x

MissAdventure on that day my three grandchildren message me to tell me they are thinking of me, my son in law sends a photograph of flowers he has placed in a vase for Catherine from her their three children placed on my husband’s grave.
I ache for them, I had her love , her love for life the whole of
her life, I was blessed . You too have that feeling, you were there at your darling daughter birth x

That's so nice to hear, Annie.
Just to know that Catherine is being thought of, and that you are, too, by "her people".

I have my lovely gransnet friend who messages me on or around the day, and that's it, really.

Mind you, there would be no pleasing me, if I'm honest.

If I was inundated I'd be cross, probably.

MissAdventure.
Just to say I understand your grief. Its eight years since my daughter died from Cancer aged 40 years.
Others talk of missing partners etc, but I think the death of your child is the greatest pain any women has to go through.
My heart goes out to you.

Thank you.
It's almostc7 years since my girl died from cancer, and she was 35.

It's therapeutic just to be able to say that, because I usually feel I need to brush it off, in a way.

Thank you.

merlotgran

Music always does it for me as well. I feel quite wrung out having tried out my new Bluetooth speaker this afternoon. I listened to some playlists on Spotify I’ve been avoiding because they were created for happy occasions like our Golden Wedding party and my 70th.

It had to be done. Neil Diamond was the worst! 🥲

I agree that Neil Diamond is the worst. My husband died in 2020 and I still cry listening to some of Neil’s songs. I don’t know whether that’s a good or a bad thing.

It never feels good to me.
It's really gut wrenching, awful crying, that always surprises me with the sheer pain of it.

The pain following the death of my daughter was and is hell , accepting it is not possible, I can’t

The pain of a child dieing no matter at what age must be the worst pain ever and one all parents dread.

Anniebach the death of your daughter no one should expect you to accept it . We love our children the moment you know you are pregnant. The pain of a child dieing must be unbearable and no one should expect you to stop grieving .
I don't know that grief but know it would be the worst kind.

My daily grief for my husband never lessons in fact as the years go by it get worse as he has missed so much in the last 20. 5 years . But I have learned to cope but it can still be overwhelming and hit me out of the blue.

Love and grief never dies and impacts on our lives and it hurts physically but also mentally . It's a never ending circle and changes us forever. And it's worst for parents who's child has died.

My first daughter would have celebrated her 46th birthday 2 weeks ago, she died aged 7 weeks severely brain damaged at birth.

My second daughter died from taking her own life due to domestic violence it was public front page news, court proceeding for the perpetrator and a lengthy court battle ending in the High court for custody of my grandaughter as it was contested by the perpetrator..the childs father and daughters partner.

We had to leave our home and flee over a hundred miles away under police protection, that we are still under, we had to leave family and friends, and my girls grave that we are unable to visit.

I cant listen to music it is so painful, because I cant cry, I am numb still after 20 years, the pain , hurt and longing dosent go away.

This time of year there are two anniversaries looming, 3rd November, and 3rd january both painful because I the only one to remember, I have to manage my pain for my son who has lost 2 siblings and my darling granddaughter who lost her mum and saw all the violence committed.

Annie I know this time of year is not a good one for you, MissA and Merlot Kupari I remember reading and being on GN for the losses of your girls.

Sending love and peace to you, and all who have suffered child loss as well as partners, husbands and parents.

That is one hell of weight to carry around for all these years. downtoearth.
I take my hat off to you for doing such a brilliant job while managing your own grief.

I was numb for ages, it feels as if your mind takes over and flicks a switch on some terrible parts- like a protection measure.

Also, there is this ridiculous part of us that feels its impolite in some way, to tell other people. (Just my feelings on it) x

for all those carrying these weighty burdens. There are no words.

MissA I feel guilty off loading, I dont speak of it in real life unless asked, I am " fine" when asked and like Eleanor Rigby my face is kept in a jar by the door.

Yes!!!!!!!
Exactly that, just like that song, downtownearth

That song makes me cry, too, sometimes.
Not for my girl, but for all the lonely people.

Me too thats why I cant listen * MissA*

Goodness me. Such heavy burdens some of you bear. You have my admiration.

I'm not sure if this is lightening the burden, but it is cathartic to be able to "say" things that have been unspoken, as if it's some dirty little secret.

Having met you in real life, downtoearth, I know what a cheerful, friendly person you are. I would never have guessed you carried such sadness had I not been a Gransnet member but I do remember thinking how brave you were and wondering how, despite your sadness, you managed to see the funny side of everything.

Of course, I had no idea what was just around the corner for me. Just as well really.

For all parents whose child or in some cases children have died at least here is a safe supportive place to be . You don't have to be brave and can pour your feelings out here without them whirling around in your mind . It's not only hurting you mentally , emotionally but it can cause physical problems. Our bodies have weird ways coping with unending pain and grief is painful and never ending . But you can't take medication to make it better.

Those of you who have written about your children don't think you realise how strong you are showing your feelings and how you really feel. Lot of parents couldn't post be I am sure there are countless who read and can take comfort in the fact they are not alone . 💐

You always make sense, Whiff

Thankyou Merlot I enjoyed the day we met in cambridge and I know we have been on GN for a long time, I always look for your posts and enjoy your humour too, I follow the loss if your daughter, your husband and your little dog too.

Thank you all for letting me share in a safe space, we had to wait 11 months for Kates funeral, we whete told she was a crime scene and the cock ups by Essex police where many so much that I had a public apology from the chief inspector "lessons are still no being learned"

down to earth, what a terrible time you have had. MissA, Kupari, Merlot, Annie, and those who have lost their girls, and also their boys, love and a gentle hug you all,
I have but an inkling of how you might feel because I nearly lost my Kate, but didn’t, and am so grateful .
xxxxx

For you, too.
A virtual one only.

I don't want you taking liberties!!