Bereavement counselling

Iam64

Thanks Dickens and FGT, it’s a comfort to hear your comments that resonate strongly with me.

I remember the gradual realisation that grief would always walk with me, so acknowledging that and deciding to befriend rather than try and banish it seemed worth a try. Counting blessings, remembering the love and fun we shared became easier. This year hasn’t been tough with big stuff, especially health related for me and my loved ones. I’ve.been the calm, go to one but recently the recognition that I miss the person I was before my husband died has been clear.

I remember the gradual realisation that grief would always walk with me, so acknowledging that and deciding to befriend rather than try and banish it seemed worth a try.

That's one thing I've never considered, thanks Iam - I suppose that's a kind of 'acceptance' - knowing that the grief will never go away.

Family - and friends - tell me, kindly not reproachfully, to 'count my blessings'... and I do. But, sometimes, that makes it even worse, because I want those 'blessings' back. It's very self-centred I realise, but there are occasions when the reality is too much to deal with.

What does help, is knowing that others are going through the same process, so many of us walking the same path.

It is not self- centred Dickens to want those blessings back .... who wouldn't? It is normal. I am thankful that none of my family or friends have ever told me to count my blessings ... I could not guarantee a polite reply!
We are all carrying this unseen but unremitting pain but be assured there are many here who do understand.

The one "blessing" I am able to count is that DH died first. He was ill and frail and had I died first he would not have survived going into any sort of care even temporarily.

So my DDs, one who is disabled herself , would have had the same situation as did I with my parents. Mum first then Dad 6 months later. The burden would fall on my younger DDs shoulders..
I am hoping to last a good while longer and to get everything inc finances all neat and tidy. That is something which is occupying me greatly. Or bigly as Trump would say.

Thank you for everyone's replies to my OP. It has been helpful and a comforr.

Luckygirl3

It is not self- centred Dickens to want those blessings back .... who wouldn't? It is normal. I am thankful that none of my family or friends have ever told me to count my blessings ... I could not guarantee a polite reply!
We are all carrying this unseen but unremitting pain but be assured there are many here who do understand.

Thank you Luckygirl3

Family don't actually use that phrase - they couch their 'advice' in more sensitive ways, but that's what they mean.

But it's the loss of those 'blessings' that make it so hard to bear isn't it...

I can't help feeling that I'm self-centred tho' sometimes. When I realise that others have maybe lost an adult child as well as their OH, or other much-loved family members. No parent should have to bury their child, it's heart-breaking.

We are all carrying this unseen but unremitting pain but be assured there are many here who do understand.

Yes, and knowing that, the silent understanding, is hugely calming - I'm not walking the path alone.

You are definitely not alone Dickens we could keep this thread going awhile perhaps as some small support group perhaps?

What do others think?

HelterSkelter1

The one "blessing" I am able to count is that DH died first. He was ill and frail and had I died first he would not have survived going into any sort of care even temporarily.

Oh my goodness, of course. I was in the same situation and feel as you do.

I'm glad you made the OP, and that you've now had a response from Cruse, it's only a small step, but it might lead you to being able to talk-through how you feel in a way that allows the devastation to be less sharp. It really is though very early days for you at the moment.

FriedGreenTomatoes2

You are definitely not alone Dickens we could keep this thread going awhile perhaps as some small support group perhaps?

What do others think?

I think it's already happening, quite organically FGT

I hope others are finding it as cathartic as I am.

... and your input is very consoling, I know what you've been through.

This thread is one of those best of gransnet things. It feels like a small support group, so many shared experiences, feelings and knowing we are not walking this path alone. It’s a grief that can feel isolating yet here we are, together

I've mentioned before how Gransnet has helped me face widowhood. It's four years now, and I shall always grieve for DH and the life we had. I shed tears often, but they become tears of thankfulness. I am still the person I became through being married to DH.
You, the army of widows, have been my bereavement counsellors.

My sympathies to all the newly bereaved here. I feel this thread, and others on the bereavement pages, are so helpful. Everyone is kind and often post things that resonate with me.

It would be good to keep this thread going as suggested by Fried Green Tomatoes.
I also agree with FGT about playing music. That always makes me cry.