Will we be made homeless

A lady I knew (who did not have dementia) went into care. She had willed her house to a relative and was upset that this would not happen if the house had to be used to pay for her care.
Luckily, the relative concerned was able to raise the money to buy the house, at the market price, and the LA was happy with that as the lady then had the funds to use for payment.
So, Grandson, it doesn't have to be all sorted out ahead of time. If you may be able to buy the house, you can deal with that when it is necessary.

Please try not to take offence, we know nothing about you, after all, and people are bound to look at things from all angles.

Buying the house is a avenue I will pursue ......

And farnorth people who post subjective and negative replies which do not offer any productive advice are the main reason less people even ask for help on forums and I do not appreciate someone guessing and insinuating things when I have given the FACTS in return for abit of neutral advice not a character assassination which is what a couple if other posters have done...

I thank you for your HELPFUL post I appreciate it

I think it goes without saying that the old lady's well-being has to be paramount in this situation. Unfortunately these complex financial issues can get in the way of the decision-making process.

Grandson123 - I can understand that alongside your concerns for your grandmother you might also have worries about your own situation and this is why you need to get the right advice. And she too needs a proper diagnosis. This may be a slow process, and you need to seek help if you feel you are struggling with her care in any way - for her benefit and for yours.

Do not take offence at any of the posts on here - we do not know you, and I certainly am very aware of many situations that I experienced in my career where elderly people were in fact being exploited by their relatives - sadly it does happen.

Grans well being is my main concern hence the reason I have and continue to do anything that helps her without removing her freedom..

Yes I didn't think that it was too unreasonable of myself to want to know where i stand when inevitable does happen and grans needs more care than myself and wife can provide .

It's just the title and my post does not say in anyway how can I get around care home costs or anything along them lines it's simply trying to find out where is stand if my gran needs to move into a home...

I understand her going to a care home is a long way off at the moment and I'm aware that everything will be done in an attempt to not remove her from her home ...

It's not cheek Grandson123 she shouldn't be paying towards anything. It sounds like you have free rent and the carpets were also for your benefit. Sadly elderly people do get exploited and bullied, it happens all the time. I don't understand why she has to contribute to any costs, it doesn't sound like you pay her any rent. If you get offended, so be it, but that makes me even more suspicious.

I also feel sorry for her, if she even has dementia she would still be worrying that you want to out her into care when she is not ready to leave her home.

It's possible that your GM's memory problems may not be caused by dementia. There could be other, curable, reasons for it.
In the meantime, try to make life as easy as possible for your GM.

Here is a link to helpful hints on the Alzheimer's Society website :

www.alzheimers.org.uk/site/scripts/documents.php?categoryID=200466

I guess the quick answer to your original question is yes, you could be made homeless if your GM needs to sell her house to pay for care, unless you can afford to buy the house at that time.

Faye as you keep saying it's her house ...and when the carpets are covered in dog mess and she refuses to do anything about it , I have to take matters in to my own hands and sort the house out before it gets to what many older peoples homes look like which is an unhealthy unattractive Heath risk.

When she leaves the heating on all day as she forgets to turn it off , or leaves all the lights on or uses the washing machine to wash 2 things in twice a day I pay for these things when I'm not using them do I moan about it or want any praise? No!

So now I your doubting she even has anything wrong with her , but if you re read my initial post it states a dementia related illness as I'm not a doctor I do not know exactly what's wrong with her but if you call going to the local shop 8 times a day and buying the same things normal then you know better than me..

And to your last sentence 'she would still be worrying that I want her out of her home and into care"

How would I benefit from that if her home is used to pay for it....as I have said again and again I wanted advice as to what happens to me and my wife and children if and when my gran may need to go into care , and not anyone got any info on hwo to swindle the system as you persist in saying I am doing ...you can be as suspicious as you like as it's more your demons that make you that way

Yes Farnorth I'm aware she may not have dementia but as I said I'm no doctor and can only make educated guesses as to what's going on with her mental health. But I have many close neighbours asking me a fair few times if gran is ok etc, as we live in a small village and have done for 21 years

Grandson you are not endearing yourself to anyone by being rude to posters whose comments you take exception to. You asked for advice and other posters are only trying to be helpful and to help you see other sides of your problem, and how outsiders might view the situation.
You say your gran is 'showing signs of a dementia related illness'.
Well guess what. We all forget from time to time what we have just gone upstairs for, or leave pans burning on the stove while we are intent on replying to a post on Gransnet. We don't actually have a 'dementia rated illness' or even dementia.
Until your gran gets to the stage of being incapable of looking after herself, and being properly diagnosed, she'll continue to live in her own home.
As others have said, you need qualified legal and social care advice, and to start making provision for your domestic arrangements, should your gran have to sell her house to pay for care home fees. Why not start saving for a deposit on a house of your own?

I was suspicious because you said your wife and you given up any possibility to stay with your gran (not care for your gran) plus you had not always lived with your gran but never had your own place. You wanted to know how do you get the house without paying for her care. Other things too, your gran having to pay towards costs when you get free rent in her house. I am telling you what I think, trying to insult me because I have stated my opinion shows what type of person you are. Do you want me to spell it out?

And it's also not endearing to myself when I am looking for advice on my situation and please can you explain how it is indeed helpful for me to be accused of trying to get my gran chucked in a home so I can have her house as this is what has been said more than one , why is it some posters can give me great helpful unbiased unaccusing advice and some insist on continuing with the same 'I'm trying to get her out of her home' line of reply.

I am a fully grown adult who funnily enough knows the difference between forgetting things and doing what my gran does ...thank you very much.

If you want me to write a 10 page dossier on the behaviours of my gran I will if it makes all the more suspicious posters accept that I'm actually trying to help my gran and that I'm not making something out of nothing , which is being touted.

I want my gran to stay in her home because funnily enough she wants to stay there and not leave but god forbid anyone think of the future Jesus wept

Jesus wept?

For you Faye I will let you have some more information because frankly your a butter person who must think everyone is like whoever you are basing me on...

I was 22 when my grand father passed away and I still lived at home full time shall we say, when myself and my wife who was a friend decided to give things a go. It was then I stayed at my wife's house 2/3 nights of the week and the rest was at my home/grans house. As you can see I didn't move out completely as I CARED for my grans Heath and well being. As things progressed I got married and my wife fell pregnant, which coincided with my grans mental health showing signs of wear and tear shall we say, which is when My gran begged and I have neighbours to corroborate this ( as I feel I'm in court I shall use this term) that my wife and step daughter move in.

As we have been at the home, not living some sort of life of luxury and being extremely cramped, my grans memory and behaviour has slowly changed, which again neighbours have also noticed not just myself. Now even though my gran still can look after herself , I begin to worry which led me to ask for abit of advice.

If you think I should of not moved in my wife as my gran asked and left her to her own devices, which in turn meant she would not have anybody to talk to of an evening and live the last decade or so (she is 83) of her life alone and unhappy then I should of just packed up and left then so be it but I know everything I do is to help her.

My grandfather was like my father as I have never met my biological father .. My mother was a heroin addict when I was a toddler so my grandad and gran took it upon themselves to take care of me and bring me up to make sure I had a decent upbringing instead of the inevitable drug riddled life I would of had being in the environment I was in.

As my gran was his partner she was my female influence throughout my life the only female relative I ever saw , and if FAYE you think I'm the sort of person who still after the life I have had would consider ' binning my gran off to a home as soon as I can' I despair

You do seem to be feeling under stress in this situation - just get some good advice from all the sources that have been suggested - maybe this will help to take some of the heat out of your situation.

I am under stress which all of my friends wonder how I cope with it and the truth is I cope with it because nobody else in this entire world cares about my gran other than me and my wife.

I will get some advice from CAB and Age UK.

And I appreciate all the constructive and helpful advice given to me from the posters on this forum .

Good - do let us know how you get on.

When Nelliemoser stated her concerns you told her not to post on this thread again. Who do you think you are coming on to a forum and telling a regular member to not post. My suspicions of your character started right about then. You then talked about my demons etc because I stated my suspicions of you. Many of us have seen elderly people ripped off and ill treated by their own families. You have not said one thing that has allayed my concerns regarding your grandmother.

If you have your grandmother's best interests at heart and you had better manners you may have come across as a more caring person. Sadly you did not.

Ps don't reply.

It's certainly a difficult situation for you and your family Grandson123, including for your Gran. She may well be feeling confused and frightened and is trying to hold onto her independence.
I guess you also feel that your neighbours want you to do something about it, which you can't.
As you are making sure that your Gran is healthy and has a clean house to live in, that's probably all you can do at the moment. It's a good idea to get advice from the CAB and Age Concern and it may help you to feel less stressed.

Oops - CAB and Age UK, I meant to say.

Thanks Faye ...it's my thread to try and get advice from others who have had similar experiences with relatives who may or may not suffer from any illnesses and who may or may not need extra care later in their life .. I can write what I think the same as you have done regarding 'what sort of person I am' why is it ok for you to do it and not me then...I have not once asked to find out how I can get my grans house , I wanted to know if I would be made homeless if she was to go into care that is all...

You have jumped and jumped and jumped to different conclusions based on a brief detail of my situation, sadly that makes you come across as a suspicios character who seems to not believe people can be caring without having an agenda .

Yes farnorth I have done and continue to do everything i can do to keep my gran in the best state of health and mind.

As much as I thought I may feel a little relived at discussing this with other people other than my wife I feel abit like I have been tarred with a certain brush which I didn't see coming if I'm honest, which in turn is a rather disappointing.

Go and see the Citizens Advice Bureau. They have all the information on hand, and they have been specially trained to weed out the genuine cases from the timewasters. You will find them very businesslike and practical.

I think the basic answer to your question is that you probably would in the end have to find alternative accommodation if your nan needed to be cared for outside of the home, as her capital tied up in the house would have to be used to pay for her care. But please do get more detailed advice from CAB or Age UK.

Citizens advice bureau will be my first port of call , thanks