I'm Not a Carer But Feel I'm Being Turned Into One.

Please accept my sincere condolences Dickens. 💐
x

Lots of no's. I would say to them that you have your own health and life to manage so all you can offer is the good neighbour that you have always been. That you will call an ambulance if you actually see that she is in trouble, but that you cannot guarantee anything.

One of my neighbours somehow got herself involved with another neighbour who had several health problems and was suffering from dementia. As time went on she found herself called out to every emergency and ended up with POA. The whole thing became a nightmare until Social Services finally decided to put the old lady in a home. She has since died, but my neighbour was still involved in sorting out her affairs. It can be hard enough dealing with a relative, I would think very hard before getting involved with anyone else.

Totally unacceptable,not your responsibility.

Firstly, "Keep an eye on her" can be as simple as being observant.
Secondly, you were told you should have called paramedics instead of moving her yourself.
You are making assumptions and complaints about a non issue.

You have had a consistent message here, windmill, and I hope that you're ready to act on it.
My young, fit DD and SIL have been very helpful to two sets of elderly neighbours. However, when DD visited one in hospital last year she gently reminded him that on his return home, he needed to request a care package, and not say" I have good neighbours".
He understood and made arrangements, so that she could just " keep an eye".
This lady's family are being negligent: she is not your responsibility.
Good luck.

My neighbour undertakes general admin for older people - paperwork, bills, phone calls, passports, wills, anything that is needed. Several of her elderly customers have confidently informed her that they are coping very well with no help; she said wryly that they each have a team of neighbours and friends who cover most things for them - unpaid. I strongly believe that we are 'our brother's keeper' - we have a moral and compassionate duty to help where we can, but that is the point - not to the detriment of health, or the complete taking over of our lives, when there are organisations that are there to support those in need.

And what will happen next is that the family will have a go at you for not doing 'your duty if something really does go wrong!

Luckygirl3

She needs an alarm pendant, and you need to be firm about what you are able to do. You certainly should not be lifting her about!

I agree.

Suggest the alarm pendant and you could also offer to take a contact number of a member of her family so you could alert them if necessary.

Do not attempt to lift her or take on any carer duties.

My condolences, Dickens

Add me to the chorus of "NO!" I am a person who likes to help others (it's the way I was raised) but it's not my first trip around the park so I've learned where to draw the line. A "little shopping" turns in to a weekly shop and putting it all away - you get the picture. This is a neighbour and her relatives will take advantage. A friend of mine just can't refuse - she gets very cross and swears "that's it - I've had enough!" But the next thing you know she's doing it again and more. It really annoys me but I've stopped trying to advise. You know this isn't right but the choice is yours.

Put it firmly, but tell them no can do.
You have enough on with your own disability. I think they have a roasting cheek, tbh. They will Probably swan off on holiday, whilst you are dancing around their mother.

LovesBach

My neighbour undertakes general admin for older people - paperwork, bills, phone calls, passports, wills, anything that is needed. Several of her elderly customers have confidently informed her that they are coping very well with no help; she said wryly that they each have a team of neighbours and friends who cover most things for them - unpaid. I strongly believe that we are 'our brother's keeper' - we have a moral and compassionate duty to help where we can, but that is the point - not to the detriment of health, or the complete taking over of our lives, when there are organisations that are there to support those in need.

Fair enough but this lady has her own health issues. Maybe a ten minute chat here & there would suffice, (but that could easily turn into a few hours of a job).

Absolutely lovesbach, age Uk for one, may offer free help.
Saying that maybe the lady has plenty of money but the family don’t want to loose their inheritance, so aren’t willing to get carers in. 😩

There's not one person on here that's said you should be her carer. Please listen to everyone and refuse. It's too easy to get into such a situation but far harder to say no once you've started My elderly neighbour's health is steadily deteriorating. If I've not been round for a day or two, he'll phone me so it feels like he'd become very needy of me if I let him. I help him by doing the usual good neighbourly things and will continue to do so but I can tell how his mind is working and where this will head if I don't nip it in the bud. He tells me how he's going downhill followed by a sorrowful look, a big sigh then a long pause. I'm absolutely certain he's waiting for me to volunteer to be his carer even though he knows I already have carer responsibilities for my father who will always be my priority.
Please send us an update later - hopefully one where you've told the family you don't want the responsibility. I can't believe the nerve of the family.

Possum63

Firstly, "Keep an eye on her" can be as simple as being observant.
Secondly, you were told you should have called paramedics instead of moving her yourself.
You are making assumptions and complaints about a non issue.

She is asking us for advice before it becomes an issue. If the family ask her to keep checking on mum, she can be ready with an answer.
I had this with a neighbour who was starting with dementia, I stupidly gave the family my contact details, they passed it on to their mother. This lady then started ringing me in the night, wanting instructions on how to put a pie in the oven 😩I did ring the family to tell them she needed proper help, but would they answer my calls. Anyway I had a word with a social worker who came into my work.. I changed my number (back in the day before smart phones). Soon after house went up for sale. I presumed they put her into care.

Mt61

LovesBach

My neighbour undertakes general admin for older people - paperwork, bills, phone calls, passports, wills, anything that is needed. Several of her elderly customers have confidently informed her that they are coping very well with no help; she said wryly that they each have a team of neighbours and friends who cover most things for them - unpaid. I strongly believe that we are 'our brother's keeper' - we have a moral and compassionate duty to help where we can, but that is the point - not to the detriment of health, or the complete taking over of our lives, when there are organisations that are there to support those in need.

Fair enough but this lady has her own health issues. Maybe a ten minute chat here & there would suffice, (but that could easily turn into a few hours of a job).

That is why I emphasised 'Where we can' . Rather like the warning when you take a first aid course. Never put yourself in danger - don't dive into the river to help a struggling person if you're a poor swimmer, possibly making two rescues necessary. This is similar, and if a friendly cup of tea and a chat is the best that this lady can offer, then it is so much better than nothing, and no doubt appreciated. 'I can't manage that' will need to be deployed as a response.

M0nica

Next time she falls and you are aware, just ring 999. Paramedics are onlyntoo used to rescue missions like this.

If this lady needs help, it is up to her family to provide it themselves or buy it in. If she does not have the means to pay for help, then Social Services should be involved.

In fact Social Services should be involved already to make an assessment and advise what support she needs.

Look up the number of Social Services, write it on a piece of paper and next time they ask tell them that they should contact social services and give them the paper with their phone number on.

Maybe you could call Social Services Elderly Assessment Team at the Local Council and ask them to visit this lady. You could say that you are a concerned neighbour (who is disabled), tell them that she is vulnerable and they would call on her and access her needs.
If she falls again definitely dial 999.

I feel that them asking you to keep an eye on her is their way of reeling you in to becoming a full-time carer. Be very firm and have nothing to do with any of it. The family must make the appropriate arrangements and foot the bill.