Being a new widow

So agree grannyactivist ...things suddenly catch me still ...but one's days eventually begin to move on and you begin to create a new life...though loved ones always remain with you...it's just that the shadows get dimmer

You may feel exhausted and need to sleep, this is a coping mechanism of grief. As others have already said eat sensiblyand don't allow others to take control of your life or make decisions for you.
Talk about your husband and don't be afraid of laughing and crying about the good and bad times.
You will eventually emerge from the dark tunnel - life will go on, perhaps in a different way, but your husband will always remain with you.

I was given an exerpt from "The Smoke Jumper" - Nicholas Evans following my husbands passing, here is just a part of it for you Gally and all Gransnetters recently bereaved

" What we were, we are
What we had, we have
A conjoined past imperishably present

So when you walk in the woods we once walked together
And scan in vain the dappled bank beside you for my shadow
Or pause where we did upon the hill to gaze across the land
And spotting something reach by habit for my hand
And finding none feel sorrow start to steal upon you

Be still.... Close you eyes......Breathe
Listen for my footfall in your heart
I am not gone but merely walk within you.

Thinking of you xxx

A very early good morning, dear Gally I hope you are still asleep, though!

Thank you Ariadne and dancing gran

Instead of a prayer at John's funeral, I asked the Minister to read out this which has given me, and the girls too, comfort since he died (the longer version from Nicholas Evans):

If I be the first of us to die
Let grief not blacken long your sky
Be bold yet modest in your grieving
There is change but not a leaving.
For just as death is part of life,
The dead live on forever in the living.
For all the gathered riches of our journey
The moments shared, the mysteries explored,
The steady layer of intimacy stored.
The things that made us laugh, or weep or sing,
The joy of sunlit snow, of first unfurling of the spring.
The wordless language of look and touch,
The knowing,
Each giving and each taking,
These are not the flowers that fade.
Nor trees that fall and cumble.
Nor are they stone
For even stone cannot the wind and rain withstand,
And mighty mountain peaks in time reduce to sand.
What we were, we are.
What we had, we have,
A conjoined past imperishably present.
So, when you walk the woods where once we walked together
And scan in vain the dappled bank beside you for my shadow,
Or pause where we always did upon the hill to gaze across the land,
And spotting something, reach by habit for my hand
And finding none, feel sorrow start to steal upon you;
Be still,
Close your eyes,
Breathe.
Listen for my footfall in your heart
I am not gone, but merely walk within you.

Gally - That's superb. It's made me weep. I find it a poem that really holds me.
Thanks for posting it.

Continue to take good time and good care with yourself. x

hello and welcome..swimmer13 and flowerfriend

I have my DiL and my twin GDs here this weekend and yet I still spend time thinking of late DH. And I even had a dream about him last night which when I woke left me with the old familiar feeling. Rather a satisfying feeling.
Good morning Gally - much strength. And good morning to swimmer13 and all the other widows.

Gally that was so moving, I still have the tears running down my cheeks. I wish you and your family all the best, you have friiends here.

Thank you, Gally xx

Good morning Gally. That is such a comforting and loving poem, and I have saved it for some time in the next month or so when I know will be the time to share it with loved ones who are going to be bereaved. Thank you

Gally, I read your poem out loud to myself. Like Carol, I shall keep it.

Lovely poem, having trouble typing through tears, it just says it all.

The poem was and still is helpful in my down moments.

Love to you all

Good morning Grans, and a special hello to those on their own today

Gally

Thanks for this Gally. A dear neighbour has just got news that her brother, her only living relative, has committed suicide. I shall share your lovely poem with her when the time is right.

Gally and dancing gran, tears here too when I read this. It's lovely. Thank you

new here been reading your messages lost my husband of 48 years seven months ago feeling lost and alone he left financial mess struggling

blackbird hello nice to see you, I am sorry to hear that you are struggling, please keep posting as there is always someone to chat to.
I have never been in your position but I do know you will get lots of support on here. There are alot of Gnetters who may be able to help you through some of the financial problems. Stay around for a while and they will see the thread and reply.

blackbird, so sorry for your loss - as glass says- stay around and you will have some sympathetic ears and quite probably some advice if you need it.

Welcome, blackbird, I agree: you will get lots of help and support on Gransnet. ((((hugs))))

Blackbird It is not easy, is it? Half your personality amputated, no structure to your day, no purpose to your life, and even without the financial stuff, there is a lot of sorting out that you do not have any heart for but have to do before you can begin to live a separate life.

I have been in your position for three months, after knowing my dear husband for 52 years and being married for 49 of them. We did most things together and were always happy in one another's company.

He was a keen DIYer and at the moment I am going through his workshop seeing which tools I can use and which ones (the heavier power tools) to pass on to family (but they keep saying "Can you hang on to that Mum, for when I need it. I don't have room") Everything holds memories of the work around the house that he did, usually with me acting as dogsbody and tool-fetcher.

Keep posting to Gransnet when you feel low. There are several people who have travelled the same path, and many others who will give you support and encouragement, and there are some threads to make you laugh and lift your spirits. This is the place to be.

Hello blackbird I am so sorry for your loss. I am sure you will find those who can offer help or point you in the right direction.

Bump