I Dread Christmas, 2012

I spent last Christmas day alone by choice. I visited dad on Xmas eve and just did nothing all day.
It doesn't bother me really, I've worked behind a bar several times just so that I didn't feel obliged to go somewhere.
I haven't decided about this year yet. My ds and dd will possible both invite me and then I have to choose....ds is a great cook, dd is hopeless!
At the moment though it is just reminding me of dad and how much I miss him,and it's the first one without either parent.

That's hard Ella
My Dad died on Christmas Eve and although it was many years ago, it has never been the same since.
jess I sympathise, my son and DGCs are in the States and although we will be with them this year, I know most years we will not.
I hope you find something to enjoy with friends.

This year I have decided to buy charity gifts for most of the family . World gifts ,oxfam, and of course others r available from £5.00 .if you can't buy presents for gchildren directly try this route. Ive done the presents they already have etc and its upsetting .I find Christmas a difficult time so this year have bit bullet and invited all to pre Xmas gathering early Dec . Some coming some not but having had a bit of a do I will feel better.Sister and hubby +old priest 4 dinner.
Had 1 Christmas alone it's not good no matter what a brave face u put on Lv to all xx

Oh Ella, it's so sore, isn't it? . My dad died on my daughter's 26th birthday. When I'd phoned her that morning, she thought it was simply to wish her 'happy birthday'.

Christmas has always been rather hard work as my husband has always hated it (I hate to think what his childhood ones were like) but I'm a complete sucker for the whole thing and have always done my best. However 2 years ago there was a fair chance that he might not live through Christmas - but he did and now we are coming up to a second one he might not have seen so it does put a different complexion on it. Also we have a grandchild due on Boxing Day so heaven knows what complications that will cause - I'm not sure if it will be better if it's early or late!

I know that threads take their own route from their starting point but this one seems to be wandering away from the mood of the original mailing.

For those who, for what ever reason, Christmas is not something they look forward to or one they will spend alone, the sense of isolation must be intense and jollying along must make it much worse.

Perhaps other people who are or have been in JessM's position could let us know what they have done or how they have coped to help people like Jess and I am surely there others on Gransnet in her position, find their own way of getting through the festive season with minimum pain.

jane and Marelli

FlicketyB does it matter why we are dreading Christmas? Isn't it enough that we do?

jess m..........i dont like christmas either,,,we have to buy presents,,,ugh,,,,i buy my family presents all the time,,,,,yes,,,where do they all go,,,put in cupboards never to be seen again or sold at the car boot a couple of years later, one year i bought all of my gifts from the charity shop,,,,no one ever knew,,,,saved a fortune,,,,,another year i said i dont want anyone here for christmas....didnt have any gkids then,,,,,,,and my man and me had beans on toast for dinner and the tinieast tree ever,,,,,we dossed on the sofa never got dressed and it was great never even answered the phone,,,,,,,i would like to go away but i know it will be moans from the kids,,,as they always come home for christmas,,,,,cos we go mad !!!!! i wouldnt put a tree up,,,i would stay in bed all day......im glad when its all over,,,,,,all the cooking etc i put the tree up i decorate it i do all the cooking i take it all down and do all the washing up,,,,,bar humbug yes,,,,sorry...so jess your not alone, and the kids all want electronics which cost a fortune,,,,,,,what do you buy a 11 9 and 8. my husband has just spent £3,000 on a computer game for his retirement,,,,so he aint getting anything,,,,me, ? just want a bunch of flowers and a craft magazine that i can read on the day im perfectly happy,

£3,000 for a computer game? Really?

Ella46, I didn't ask why they hated Christmas but asked if they could share any coping mechanisms they had developed to deal with Christmas because these might help other people in the same situation.

My kindest thoughts to those who are alone - not by choice, but by circumstance. It must be hard.

There is far too much pressure on us to comply with the advertisers vision of a 'perfect' xmas. It doesn't have to be like that.

I feel for those who want to be with their families and can't be for whatever reason but perhaps it's time to discover an alternative xmas. Whether that is having a duvet day or getting together with others in a similar situation or finding out if there is anywhere needing a volunteer if you are able.

I also feel for those who don't want to be with their families but think they have to be!

Mr absent and I will probably just get on with redecorating our house. As this is an integral part of our plan for going to live in New Zealand, it will be a) useful and productive, b) take our minds off the family from whom we are currently separated and c) doesn't involve wearing smart clothes and make-up, not that Mr absent wears much make up these days.

Incidentally, my problem is not that I don't like Christmas – quite the reverse. I love the tree and presents under it, holly, garlands, cooking including all the stuff to be made in advance from sloe gin and mincemeat to Christmas pudding. I don't mind being exhausted after two days of entertaining guests. I just miss my daughter and her family.

absentgrana given how poingnant your last post was, credit to you for retaining a sense of humour about Mr Absent's decline in his grooming habits. Big to you.

absent that was a cry from the heart (((hugs)))

Does everyone else do the present opening on Skype? I find that makes a big difference. Last year we had Skype Premium so we could be linked with both of our children and their families at the same time. It was a bit chaotic (actually a bit like the early days of Eurovision song contest broadcasts), but it was lovely and there was even a glimmer of relief that we didn't have to deal with over-excited children afterwards!

Or clear up the acres of wrapping paper, Mamie! Last year, I was at DS2's home and the clearing up was complicated by the presence of two interfering kittens!

I'm not sure where I stand with DD since our tiff, even though we are talking again. We did have another Christmas a few years ago when we'd upset them and spent Christmas with the S.O's brother and family. I've been invited to some sort of Asian party on Christmas Day which could be a 'Christmas with a difference' but my son always wants us all to be together that day. I'm definately not spending as much this year; I can't afford to anyway. It's so much efort for just one day; we have to work twice as hard on the run up to it as everyone seems to think the world is coming to an end for several days. I do feel sorry for people who work in shops; I don't think they should open on Boxing Day at all.

I'm sending a special (hug) to all those who miss family, especially at Christmas. My idea of the perfect celebration, would be for us all [including grown-up grandchildren and their partners] to share a big, cosy house. I would be overjoyed with such an arrangement. As it is, everyone will do their "own thing" and I'm happy that they'll be happy. However, I still feel a great sense of emptiness, especially when people ask - what will you be doing at Christmas?

...which seems very selfish.

...when I'm aware that far too many people are friendless and homeless.

I hate that question, and the pitying looks you get when you tell them!

Ella That's so true.